I'm totally devastated - girls Please Help Me

I really need some support. I have not been on this board in a while....mostly because I sensed this problem b/w my fiancee and I and it broke my heart to see other people so excited about wedding planning when I was insecure about it. Turns out my sense that something was wrong was definitely on target.

When my fiancee and I started dating, the plan was always for him (who lives in Seattle) to move to NY, but that I would move to Seattle first. Its very complicated but basically he's a fireman and would need to go to school before moving out here. It is a hassle for me to move to WA state, not only b/c I am an attorney and have to take the bar there, but b/c I am close to my family and friends and didn't want to do it. My feeling was, however, it was the right thing to do if he was going to ultimately move to NY.

Last night, after having dated/been engaged over four years he tells me he 'identifies too much with being a fireman' and he doesn't want to move out here. He is too old to test for FDNY if you are wondering (you have to be under 29). So I was like, are you breaking up with me? And he said no but he had considered that possibility. To be honest, I felt as though he had already made up his mind. Like, if it was me or the job, it would be the job. I understand TOTALLY where he is coming from, wanting to stay in his career, believe me I do, even figuring that out at this late date. Please keep in mind he has said for FOUR YEARS he would be willing to change careers, that is the only reason I thought he would be willing to.

But I still can't help be devastated by what I think is his being resigned to not going forward with the wedding. He says that he is still in love with me, that his feelings for me haven't changed.....but I wonder if that is really the case or he is just not in love with me as he was before. I hate that I have to put myself out there like this but I need some advice and support and my Mom is not picking up her cell phone and my office door is closed so no one will see my puffy eyes. :(