in-laws-a little long.....

Hi Ladies...
I read every post related to in-laws because I don't get along with my FIL's and I find it interesting that many Brides to be also, don't get along with their FIL's...

so I'm asking.....do you feel it's your job as a FDIL to go the extra step to get along with them, for your FH sake or any other reason?

my FIL's show no interest in the wedding, ask no questions about it and are basically just going to show up(if they even do that) AND make it very clear that they don't like the fact that FH and are getting married-but give no reasons as to why they feel this way...

any imput or feedback on this would be appreciated.... The FIL issue has been bothering me since we got engaged and making the wedding planning process not as enjoyable as I'd like it to be...

thanks Ladies
Jess

my motto has always been 'kill them with niceness.'

My ILs were very uninvolved in the planning process, until it was pretty much all done. Then (like 4 months before the wedding) they wanted to be a part of everything. It was more hassle than anything else at that point. I kept saying to DH 'Why couldn't they have said this 7 months ago???????' He didn't have an answer.

Now, let me say something else. My two sets of grandparents did not get along (mainly because my Mom's parents were holy terrors!). Even though my Dad's parents were both gone by the time I was 4, it affected my entire childhood, until my Mom's mom died when I was 18. In fact, MOST of my family did not come to my wedding because of it - Both Sides.

It sucks, I know, but my parents have a clear conscience on this. They did everything they could to reconcile the families. I think you'll agree that if you go the extra step or two it's not too much more, and you can sleep at night knowing YOU did what you could.

i know this is silly. but i do think we as FDILs have to suck it up. my relationship with FH is so important. i am prepared to be nice - as long as he will open his mouth when need be - and mine does!

jenn

I wish I had a relationship with my FMIL/FFIL like FH has with my Mother and Father and Stepfather. Everyone gets along and we all hang out and have fun.
My FIL's are one of the big things we fight about. It is a mixture of my insecurities and FMIL's undercuts for me and overzelous affection for his sibling's SO's that make me crazy. I feel like I should make more of an effort but then I just can't bring myself to do it. It gets to the point that I get knots in my stomach before I have to go to her house. Sitting there listining to how I can't cook,do laundry,I drink too much (only when I am with her) that I am such a 'career gal' and biting my tounge is not my fav holiday passtime.
I guess it comes down to diffrent values and each being threatened by what each represents. But we both love her son and would do anything for him - so I guess we have some stuff in common. Sorry this dosent help I have no advise - our realationship is a work in progress. Hopefully over time it will improve for the better.