Inappropriate??...I need feedback please!

caper24 Posted: Aug 03, 2009 02:52 PM

Inappropriate??...I need feedback please!

I had the most amazing wedding and I am grateful for everything!!! I am not the type of person who focuses on the negatives, but....
My new in-laws did not give us a card. They told us early on that they were paying for the RD, as traditionally the groom's parents do. (We paid for everything else ourselves)
At the RD, my DH and I offered to pay something toward the bill when it came. His parents said, 'no, this is our wedding gift to you.' I was grateful and thanked them.
No card? The RD was our gift? My best friend's husband said, if he knew the RD was our 'gift' he would have ordered more food!!!

I can't help but think that maybe they just don't like me?
Am I being petty or was that inappropriate on their part?

pa56 Posted: Aug 03, 2009 02:54 PM

Re: Inappropriate??...I need feedback please!

I never got a card from my in-laws. They paid for our honeymoon! I didn't think anything of it...

nraboni Posted: Aug 03, 2009 02:56 PM

Re: Inappropriate??...I need feedback please!

I wouldn't take it as they don't like you. If paying for the RD was their gift then that should have been expressed early on. Did your DH expect a gift in addition to the RD?

Lsorrent Posted: Aug 03, 2009 02:59 PM

Re: Inappropriate??...I need feedback please!

My FIL's are paying for the RD and our HM. I don't expect anything else at all. I'm sure FMIL will buy a card just for the sentiment, but I don't expect anything to be in it. If they told you that was your gift, then my assumption is.......that was your gift

egem523 Posted: Aug 03, 2009 03:03 PM

Re: Inappropriate??...I need feedback please!

i am pretty sure they did not mean this intentionally. My inlaws didn't give us a card and they also contributed with the wedding. My own dad didn't even give me card I guess they figure the contribution are enough

MarjorieFrank Posted: Aug 03, 2009 03:05 PM

Re: Inappropriate??...I need feedback please!

It's hard to say if it was intentional on their part without really knowing them. You may know best if they intentionally did that or they just have no clue.

I am sorry. I would be a little upset/hurt/confused if I was in your situation too.

caper24 Posted: Aug 03, 2009 03:06 PM

Re: Inappropriate??...I need feedback please!

Posted by nraboni

I wouldn't take it as they don't like you. If paying for the RD was their gift then that should have been expressed early on. Did your DH expect a gift in addition to the RD?

Yes, my DH expected a gift. He was shocked when I told him there was no card from his parents. He was going to call them and ask if they forgot to give it to us or he thought we may have lost their card..lol...I talked him out of calling them!!!
If the RD was our gift, I am grateful, but I think they should have told him that from the beginning.

LnF0405 Posted: Aug 03, 2009 03:12 PM

Re: Inappropriate??...I need feedback please!

babsbeark Posted: Aug 03, 2009 03:18 PM

Re: Inappropriate??...I need feedback please!

My mom is not paying anything towards the wedding or for the RD or shower or anything she has very little money and needs it to live on, but she is buying my dress so I told her that is her wedding gift to me I don’t expect anything from her and as in laws I don’t have any so I expect nothing

Panamasweet Posted: Aug 03, 2009 03:20 PM

Re: Inappropriate??...I need feedback please!

I wouldnt expect a card if they paid for the RH

mrsdraskin2009 Posted: Aug 03, 2009 03:29 PM

Re: Inappropriate??...I need feedback please!

Let it go. A card is NOT indicative of love/appreciation/etc...My parents paid for our e-party, but didn't give us a card. Who cares? In the grand scheme of things, being pizzed at the ILs for that is no way to start off a marriage.

MarjorieFrank Posted: Aug 03, 2009 03:33 PM

Re: Inappropriate??...I need feedback please!

Posted by charondita

I wouldnt expect a card if they paid for the RH

They paid for the rehersal dinner, not the reception hall.
I thought the same thing at first but then I read it over.

Iluvpoodles Posted: Aug 03, 2009 03:35 PM

Re: Inappropriate??...I need feedback please!

Well since they know you, it's not like they never met you or are estranged from your FH or something, I find that to be a little wierd. It's odd they never told him ahead of time that the RD would be the gift. I would figure if they didn't have the money financially or didn't feel the need to give money in a card, they would have let FH know way before.

mokie74m Posted: Aug 03, 2009 03:40 PM

Re: Inappropriate??...I need feedback please!

I don't think it was inappropriate. If it was mentioned from the beginning that the RD was your gift then I wouldn't have expected a card. I mean yes, they should have given you a card to congratulate you, but I wouldn't have expected a 'gift' inside the card. JMO.

KatieG2010 Posted: Aug 03, 2009 04:06 PM

Re: Inappropriate??...I need feedback please!

No offense, but would a $2.99 Hallmark card really make a difference? I think it has nothing to do with them liking you!

RPMG26599 Posted: Aug 03, 2009 04:14 PM

Re: Inappropriate??...I need feedback please!

Posted by caper24

I had the most amazing wedding and I am grateful for everything!!! I am not the type of person who focuses on the negatives, but....
My new in-laws did not give us a card. They told us early on that they were paying for the RD, as traditionally the groom's parents do. (We paid for everything else ourselves)
At the RD, my DH and I offered to pay something toward the bill when it came. His parents said, 'no, this is our wedding gift to you.' I was grateful and thanked them.
No card? The RD was our gift? My best friend's husband said, if he knew the RD was our 'gift' he would have ordered more food!!!

I can't help but think that maybe they just don't like me?
Am I being petty or was that inappropriate on their part?

I wouldnt assume they don't like you at all!!! I do think however, they should have given you and DH a card though!!!! ***?! Thats very strange. Did DH mention anything to them?

RPMG26599 Posted: Aug 03, 2009 04:16 PM

Re: Inappropriate??...I need feedback please!

Posted by RPMG26599

Posted by caper24

I had the most amazing wedding and I am grateful for everything!!! I am not the type of person who focuses on the negatives, but....
My new in-laws did not give us a card. They told us early on that they were paying for the RD, as traditionally the groom's parents do. (We paid for everything else ourselves)
At the RD, my DH and I offered to pay something toward the bill when it came. His parents said, 'no, this is our wedding gift to you.' I was grateful and thanked them.
No card? The RD was our gift? My best friend's husband said, if he knew the RD was our 'gift' he would have ordered more food!!!

I can't help but think that maybe they just don't like me?
Am I being petty or was that inappropriate on their part?

I wouldnt assume they don't like you at all!!! I do think however, they should have given you and DH a card though!!!! ***?! Thats very strange. Did DH mention anything to them?

I forgot to add that paying for the RD is a great gift....I dont think I would expect something else. They should have given you a card along with the RD =)

marinai7 Posted: Aug 03, 2009 04:19 PM

Re: Inappropriate??...I need feedback please!

I am very sentimental so I would also be upset if I didn't get a card. I wouldn't expect money or anything else, but a card would be a nice touch.

TheFutureMrsPM Posted: Aug 03, 2009 04:30 PM

Re: Inappropriate??...I need feedback please!

I would try to not take it personal. If i was in your shoes I was assess there usual style...are you fils the type of people who give cards for everything? If not and if they are not sentimental they may have just not even thought about it.

nraboni Posted: Aug 03, 2009 04:33 PM

Re: Inappropriate??...I need feedback please!

Posted by caper24

Posted by nraboni

I wouldn't take it as they don't like you. If paying for the RD was their gift then that should have been expressed early on. Did your DH expect a gift in addition to the RD?

Yes, my DH expected a gift. He was shocked when I told him there was no card from his parents. He was going to call them and ask if they forgot to give it to us or he thought we may have lost their card..lol...I talked him out of calling them!!!
If the RD was our gift, I am grateful, but I think they should have told him that from the beginning.

I wouldn't have talked him out of calling them and asking. If he expected a gift in addition to the RD then he should ask them about it. They are his parents and he is the only that can ask about it.