incredibly rough night... sorry long... UPDATE!!!!!!!!

Original post by pandafish519

Nov 13, 2008 12:05 AM

ETA: this is the cliff's notes version ...crazy..

fh and his dad have been having some issues lately.... fh's siblings and fh's now stepmom have had some issues in the past year. they have all been disrespected by her. even after all of this, its been very important for FH to find out what was going on and try to repair some of the issues.... and until tonight, i was a spectator in the whole ordeal, hearing things from the side and getting somewhat involved when she took away the excitement of our engagement for a little while...

sooo... tonight... about a week ago they invite us to dinner. i'm nervous but we think this is taking a step to making things better.. we had a great dinner, and right when we get some tea (and i almost think 'this wasn't that bad!!!) FH's dad starts talking about clearing the air and blah blah blah... SOO the stepmom turns to me, and begins to ATTACK ME. asking me all these things, and what i feel about certain things... telling me that i can't be selfish meanwhile the whole thing was about her..

moral of the story, FH's dad sat there and let her talk to us like we were 5 and was so mean to me. so... as of right now, she is not invited to the wedding, which means he won't come that makes me SOOO sad for FH. but FH has tried SOOOO much over the past year, and tonight made him realize that this isn't going to change, and she is a controlling selfish, vindictive REALLY BAD WORD!!!

i was hysterical crying after the way she spoke to me, and i feel sad for FH....

sorry so long...

UPDATE: FH saw his dad last night and FH pretty much flipped out on him about how he stabbed him in the back by the two of them doing what they did to me and in turn to him. His dad was completely oblivious and said that his wife felt like she accomplished something the night before.

so... they are not welcome at our wedding or anything else for that matter. his dad completely confirmed the fact that he is being controlled by his wife and isn't concerned about his kids... really sad, but i think this is a big thing for FH. he really needed this to happen and for US, it was a big thing. this is the first real issue we have faced 100% TOGETHER. ***** that it happened the way it did and with this outcome, but there's nothing we can do but move on.

thanks for all the support girls... xoxoxoxo

littlepixie12 Posted: Nov 13, 2008 10:46 AM

Re: incredibly rough night... sorry long...

OMG! im so sorry ... what did your FH do when she starting attacking you? Did you tell her that she isnt invitied?

christophersgirl Posted: Nov 13, 2008 10:48 AM

Re: incredibly rough night... sorry long...

wow what a ho-ho...i'm so sorry for you and fh that you have to deal with this woman (i'm not even acknowledging shes the stepmom)... want me to send you a voodoo doll?

pandafish519 Posted: Nov 13, 2008 10:53 AM

Re: incredibly rough night... sorry long...

Posted by JamieAnt06202009

I am really sorry that you are going through this. I have to say that I have been in a similar situation with my mother's boyfriend. They have been together for close to 20 years and he has never seemed to like me and my sister. When you told the story of what happened it sounded like it was him sitting at that table. I know in my situation there is no way to change anything so I don't even try anymore. I just say hi and bye when I have to and that's it. It keeps the peace and my mom happy. My mother knows what goes on but for someone reason she's happy with him and that's all I want. I think FH should sit down with his father and tell him how he feels, explain how important it is for him to be at the wedding. I am sure his father wants to be there more than anything. I have to invite my mothers boyfriend to my wedding and my plan is to steer clear of him. Maybe you guys to do the same. It really is the hardest situation and I know how hurtful it can be. I honestly don't know where people get the balls to act like this to others. She should respect the both of you and know how special this time is. Hang in there

FH has been telling his dad how he has felt for almost a year and its gotten him nowhere... this has been brewing for SO long and after the way his stepmom treated EVERYONE terribly for their entire relationship(they just got married this past may) and now she feels like she has to speak her mind. its so sad that we both sat there and said all we want is for FH's dad to be happy, but this isn't about FH's dad anymore its about the wife being disrespectful and treating his kids as if they are children and demanding respect from them. the fact that there intention last night, after FH told his dad there was no reason to confront me, was to come at me and attack me. unbelievable.... good luck with your situation. i'm sure its so hard, but i give you credit for being the bigger person and supporting your mom. thats what FH has been trying to do, but its become impossible.

pandafish519 Posted: Nov 13, 2008 10:56 AM

Re: incredibly rough night... sorry long...

Posted by littlepixie12

OMG! im so sorry ... what did your FH do when she starting attacking you? Did you tell her that she isnt invitied?

FH let me speak my ground and then got all up in her face, to the point where i had to push him back. We didn't tell them yet. he needs to talk to his dad and let him know that this time IS about he and i and we don't feel comfortable with them being around. The way we left, they thought we had broken some new ground, and when we walked out of dinner and she said are you ok, and i said no, she was SHOCKED. and i told them both i need to let this all simmer. and they couldn't believe that i wasn't jumping for joy...

ETA: when FHs dad the week after we got engaged made a comment that i offended his wife. and FH told him that nothing would have been intentional, and his dad said he's sorry i wasn't there because he wanted to ask me. and FH told him there is no reason for you to confront her and that's it. so when they brought that up, he told his dad, i spoke for ally to you and told you that it wasn't intentional because she's not that kind of person, and you are bringing this up now?

littlepixie12 Posted: Nov 13, 2008 10:56 AM

Re: incredibly rough night... sorry long...

Posted by pandafish519

Posted by JamieAnt06202009

I am really sorry that you are going through this. I have to say that I have been in a similar situation with my mother's boyfriend. They have been together for close to 20 years and he has never seemed to like me and my sister. When you told the story of what happened it sounded like it was him sitting at that table. I know in my situation there is no way to change anything so I don't even try anymore. I just say hi and bye when I have to and that's it. It keeps the peace and my mom happy. My mother knows what goes on but for someone reason she's happy with him and that's all I want. I think FH should sit down with his father and tell him how he feels, explain how important it is for him to be at the wedding. I am sure his father wants to be there more than anything. I have to invite my mothers boyfriend to my wedding and my plan is to steer clear of him. Maybe you guys to do the same. It really is the hardest situation and I know how hurtful it can be. I honestly don't know where people get the balls to act like this to others. She should respect the both of you and know how special this time is. Hang in there

FH has been telling his dad how he has felt for almost a year and its gotten him nowhere... this has been brewing for SO long and after the way his stepmom treated EVERYONE terribly for their entire relationship(they just got married this past may) and now she feels like she has to speak her mind. its so sad that we both sat there and said all we want is for FH's dad to be happy, but this isn't about FH's dad anymore its about the wife being disrespectful and treating his kids as if they are children and demanding respect from them. the fact that there intention last night, after FH told his dad there was no reason to confront me, was to come at me and attack me. unbelievable.... good luck with your situation. i'm sure its so hard, but i give you credit for being the bigger person and supporting your mom. thats what FH has been trying to do, but its become impossible.

What does Fhs siblings say about this? I cant believe that his dad doesnt see this happening if all his kids are saying the same thing.

pandafish519 Posted: Nov 13, 2008 11:04 AM

Re: incredibly rough night... sorry long...

Posted by littlepixie12

Posted by pandafish519

Posted by JamieAnt06202009

I am really sorry that you are going through this. I have to say that I have been in a similar situation with my mother's boyfriend. They have been together for close to 20 years and he has never seemed to like me and my sister. When you told the story of what happened it sounded like it was him sitting at that table. I know in my situation there is no way to change anything so I don't even try anymore. I just say hi and bye when I have to and that's it. It keeps the peace and my mom happy. My mother knows what goes on but for someone reason she's happy with him and that's all I want. I think FH should sit down with his father and tell him how he feels, explain how important it is for him to be at the wedding. I am sure his father wants to be there more than anything. I have to invite my mothers boyfriend to my wedding and my plan is to steer clear of him. Maybe you guys to do the same. It really is the hardest situation and I know how hurtful it can be. I honestly don't know where people get the balls to act like this to others. She should respect the both of you and know how special this time is. Hang in there

FH has been telling his dad how he has felt for almost a year and its gotten him nowhere... this has been brewing for SO long and after the way his stepmom treated EVERYONE terribly for their entire relationship(they just got married this past may) and now she feels like she has to speak her mind. its so sad that we both sat there and said all we want is for FH's dad to be happy, but this isn't about FH's dad anymore its about the wife being disrespectful and treating his kids as if they are children and demanding respect from them. the fact that there intention last night, after FH told his dad there was no reason to confront me, was to come at me and attack me. unbelievable.... good luck with your situation. i'm sure its so hard, but i give you credit for being the bigger person and supporting your mom. thats what FH has been trying to do, but its become impossible.

What does Fhs siblings say about this? I cant believe that his dad doesnt see this happening if all his kids are saying the same thing.

the siblings are sad that FH has just directly realized what they have all been going through, feeling and saying about their dad and his wife. Fh was trying to mend the relationship and encouraged his dad to talk to his siblings. they feel bad that this happened the way it did especially when everyone was trying to keep the peace because it was important for FH to have his dad at the wedding. but his dad just showed FH why all these issues have arised and why they are still here...

pandafish519 Posted: Nov 13, 2008 11:05 AM

Re: incredibly rough night... sorry long...

Posted by christophersgirl

wow what a ho-ho...i'm so sorry for you and fh that you have to deal with this woman (i'm not even acknowledging shes the stepmom)... want me to send you a voodoo doll?

it would have to be in the shape of a DEMON!!!!

christophersgirl Posted: Nov 13, 2008 11:33 AM

Re: incredibly rough night... sorry long...

actually the one i'm thinking of is green and shaped like an alien...

pandafish519 Posted: Nov 14, 2008 09:18 AM

Re: incredibly rough night... sorry long... UPDATE!!!!!!!!

BUMP... updated info in first post!!!

Nuvia97 Posted: Nov 14, 2008 09:44 AM

Re: incredibly rough night... sorry long... UPDATE!!!!!!!!

sorry for the whole 'fiasco' but the positive note in this is that the 2 of you stuck together on this one as a team. Very big thing esp when it comes to family decisions.

Hopefully FH father will come to his senses and realize what he has done to his son and FDIL. BUt if not just know, in the end, HE will be the one to regret his decision to take the side of his wife over his children and will miss a day he will not be able to get back.

FH and I both have our own 'familial issues' but we both agreed to always face them together, as a team united never divided. Strong foundation for a marriage.

My thoughts and prayers are with you both during all of this.

Suzanner Posted: Nov 14, 2008 10:01 AM

Re: incredibly rough night... sorry long... UPDATE!!!!!!!!

I am so sorry for you and your FH. This is just ridiculous- I'm so glad you posted an update. I was thinking about you and this situation a lot yesterday.

I wouldn't say anything at all to her ever again. A hi and bye is sufficient. She seems like one of those people who will never be satisfied. Whatever you say to her will be twisted and contorted into something she takes as rude or disrespectful. If you say the nicest thing in the world to her, she won't like your tone, or something like that. The win here is you knowing that you and FH stood together strong on this, and now refuse to give her any more of your time. Frustration takes years off your life. Don't give her that power.

As for FH's dad, I'm more mad at him for being such a douche. If I were FH, I would simply say to him 'You know, one day when it's almost all over for you, you'll wonder where your kids are. THIS is why none of us will be there. I hope you are happy with your choice- it's your choice and I promise myself that I will respect it. You chose this woman who has no respect for your own children over your own flesh and blood. I will respect your decision until the day you die.'

Okay, maybe not say exactly THAT, but you know. Something like that. Wow, after reading that, I think I have some serious issues.

christophersgirl Posted: Nov 14, 2008 10:08 AM

Re: incredibly rough night... sorry long... UPDATE!!!!!!!!

i kinda understand what you're going through, i have a sorta estranged relationship with my dad and he won't be walking me down the aisle, but sometimes things are the way they are and i can only believe things happen for a reason... like suzanne said, one day when the end of his days are near, he'll wonder what happened to this children...not that i really hope bad things to happen to people, but some things aren't worth defending and this might be one of them...

sorry that this had to happen to you and your fh, you have each other and lots of other family that love you...so try not to think too much on the subject anymore (easier said than done i know..)