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interesting little poll - parents names on the invite

nifheim Posted:

interesting little poll - parents names on the invite

I was at a shower yesterday and an interesting topic came up. Who's parents get to be put on the invite. Most said both with no hesitation and it had to be both names. Some said who paid for the wedding, some said with our parents so it covered all and then there was me - none. People looked horrified that i said that.

I dunno its like we paid for the wedding, dh's parents are dead for over 24 years what were we going to put? That is what i said i mean even dh was like why the hell would you just put my parents name down because it looks like they paid for it, and if we put both we would of had to put belated and we weren't comfty with that then we can't with 'our parents' so we choose to go for just us. I felt like I was this evil horrible child to my parents, they never said anything to me about it.

SO I am interesting what did you put down and more importantly:

PART B: For those who didn't put parents names down are we evil?
mathteach Posted:

Re: interesting little poll - parents names on the invite

we're both older, we paid all by ourselves, so I put none.

Actually: I should have put 'other' I wrote as if my kids paid for the wedding...'our mother, Christine' because let's be honest, they are the ones who actually paid for it.

ETA: no, not evil. contemporary
IrishBrideASmiling Posted:

Re: interesting little poll - parents names on the invite

I put both. Our parents are paying for things and we are paying for the rest.

I do not think you are evil for not putting parents names on the invites. FH did not want to put his father's name on the invite either and his father has been deceased for 12 years now, so we just put his mom
bluekat16 Posted:

Re: interesting little poll - parents names on the invite

We're paying for the wedding ourselves but we included our parents names...not as paying for the weddings but becasue we both thought it was nice. We didn't make who was paying for what a factor in whether or not we included them on the invite.

The Wording we used was :

Jessica Rabbit
Daughter of Al and Betty Rabbit

and

Chris Turtle

Son of Joe and Lil Turtle

Request the honor of your presence.....

Now do I think you're evil...absolutely NOT!!!
Summertimegal424 Posted:

Re: interesting little poll - parents names on the invite

my parents are paying for the majority of it so there names are on it

FH parents didn't chip in for anything so they aren't on the invite...that sounds kinda mean but thats the way its going
lizzzie35 Posted:

Re: interesting little poll - parents names on the invite

Both parents are contributing some and we're paying for the rest. My parents are divorced and my dad is remarried so we are just doing:

Together with their parents...

Or something along those lines.
ttdiff11 Posted:

Re: interesting little poll - parents names on the invite

what about if my parents are paying for the hall, engagement party, shower, dress and me and fh are paying for all the vendors. fh's family isnt paying for anything. what is the nicest way to include him?

Cutechef729 Posted:

Re: interesting little poll - parents names on the invite

Posted by ttdiff11

what about if my parents are paying for the hall, engagement party, shower, dress and me and fh are paying for all the vendors. fh's family isnt paying for anything. what is the nicest way to include him?


We had a similar situation and we did together with their parents. We also have my family and DH's mom and dad remarried other people so we really couldn't fit all of those names on the invite.
sophisticat13 Posted:

Re: interesting little poll - parents names on the invite

We were doing everything ourselves (paying and planning) so we put only our names on the invite.
Our invite read:

Because you have shared in our lives
with your friendship and love
we, Kirsten _______________
and Arnold ________________
invite you to share
in the beginning of our new lives together
etc
Our dads are in heaven and my mother was not involved at all in the wedding (long story) , DH's mom helped us a little which we were very grateful for.

You are definitely not 'evil'-it is your wedding and you have the right to do what you want. Traditionally it is supposed to be whoever pays for the wedding on the invite with the bride and groom....sorry, JMVHO, but those people seem a little narrow-minded to me and not at all with the times!!! Sorry it bothers me when people judge without knowing circumstances and are not open-minded to modern possibiliites
sophisticat13 Posted:

Re: interesting little poll - parents names on the invite

Posted by Summertimegal424

my parents are paying for the majority of it so there names are on it

FH parents didn't chip in for anything so they aren't on the invite...that sounds kinda mean but thats the way its going


It's not mean...'the etiquette' says that the people paying for it are on the invite unless the bride and groom want it phrased differently.
nifheim Posted:

Re: interesting little poll - parents names on the invite

THANK GOD - i am not evil IoI Ah i can breathe a bit easier now. IoI

RockysGirl Posted:

Re: interesting little poll - parents names on the invite

the whole names on the invitation is a complicated matter. Really how it used to be in the good ol' days was that the parents of the Bride would pay for the wedding, so the invite would say something like:
'Mr. & Mrs. (___) would like to invite you to share in the uniting of their daughter..... blah, blah, blah'. But if they're not paying for it, then it's really not THEM inviting your guests, it's you. so I think it's wrong to have it written as though they're the ones hosting if they're not.

Since nobody helped us with this wedding at all (not my parents or his) i didn't wanna word things this way. But i did still want their names on there. So I had it as

'Cassandra ____ daughter of Christopher & Kathryn ____ and Rocky ______ son of Keith & Peggy ______ request the honor... blah, blah, blah'.

I did it like that so that i CAN have their names, but still let it be clear that ME & FH are inviting these guests, not our parents. Fh's parents aren't even gonna be flying out for the wedding, but I still thought if MY parents names were gonna be there, his should be too.

But if you don't put their names on it, who cares????
geegee827 Posted:

Re: interesting little poll - parents names on the invite

It's always a tough thing. FH and I are both older and are paying for 99.99% of it ourselves. My mother is paying for my gown, veil, shoes, etc., the flowers and the invitations. His parents haven't offered anything.

I can't have my mother and not his parents on the invitations because it would p*&@ them off. I feel like out of respect I can't leave my dad off the invitation even though he's not contributing to the wedding and if I include him I probably have to include his wife.

My solution - just bury my head for now I guess I'll deal with it all when it's time to order invitations!
hyphenbride Posted:

Re: interesting little poll - parents names on the invite

We put both parents on the invite because they both helped us out.

mRm2008 Posted:

Re: interesting little poll - parents names on the invite

Both - no bearing on who was paying. I really had no reason to not include theirs plus I did not want to repeat an issue from their past.

My SIL did not put DH's parents names on her wedding invitation. They did not support her marrying DH's brother, emotionally or monetarily. It caused a lot of hard feelings throughout the family as invitations were received. DH's parents were enranged and to this day they have no gotten over it. Their wedding inviation hangs in plain sight in their kitchen 16 years later, as a constant reminder of the situation. Its just a really icky situation.
JoesFutureWife Posted:

Re: interesting little poll - parents names on the invite

We had both sets of parents on the invites. My parents paid for the RH, my gown, engagement party, my veil, DO hair and makeup, my shower etc. Dh's mom paid for the RD and the wedding flowers. DH's father did not contribute at all but regardless of anything i felt the need to put all parents names on the invites....i think it is just more respectful that way.

Adriana618 Posted:

Re: interesting little poll - parents names on the invite

We have both sets of parents on the invite-but worded as if my parents were helping us hosting it..and then when it said DH name -it said parents of so and so.
At first I was even opposed to putting his parents on it-since they were completely unsupportive of us even getting married and his mother wasnt even going to come up until a couple of months before the wedding......but my parents felt it was the right thing and most respectful thing to do...
LauraD419 Posted:

Re: interesting little poll - parents names on the invite

We put something like

Mr. and Mrs. Brides parents
request the honor of your presence at the wedding of their daughter

Bride
to
Groom
Son of mrs. Grooms mom and Mr. Grooms dad

My parents paid, so it was clear that they were the hosts, but it recognized dh's parents as well.
lucamon Posted:

Re: interesting little poll - parents names on the invite

I put both our mothers name on the invite. It has nothing to do with who is paying for what. Both moms have been there for us the entire planning process, running errands and offering opinions. I guess I did it out of respect and I know our moms appreciated the fact that their names were on the invite.

kirstenjk Posted:

Re: interesting little poll - parents names on the invite

We put 'Together with their parents'. DH and I paid for our wedding but thought it was a nice gesture and a matter of respect to include our parents on the invite in some way.

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