Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

Original post by jrl0223

Mar 30, 2004 01:36 PM

My FI and I are at an impass and put our argument on hold until our Interfaith Precanna in May. But I'm hoping some of you can offer suggestions/thoughts.

I'm Jewish and FI is Catholic. We're trying to incorporate both faiths into the cermony (having both a rabbi and priest, lighting the unity candle, stepping on the glass). My only request (please no one take offense this, it is just my opinion) is that the name Jesus isn't mentioned during the ceremony. Personally I just feel that it's not appropriate for a part Jewish wedding and I know that my family (parents especially) will be offended. We had already decided, or so I thought, that the cermony will be about G-d in general and love. But when I mentioned that I want a little Hebrew, even if it's only one or two sentences, FI freaked.

He says that it should be equal so if I'm having Hebrew then the priest should be allowed to mention Jesus. His reasoning is that Hebrew is the one thing that would make the cermony seem Jewish so the priest should be able to say Jesus' name to even things out.

But it's not the same thing! Hebrew is just a language that is spoken (by Catholics too in Israel I might add) and does not define a Jewish person. Jesus on the other hand is something that you believe in and does define you as Catholic so it's not the same.

FI thinks that I'm trying to deny his religion, but that's rediculous. And he thinks that if Jesus' name isn't said then the cermony might as well be totally Jewish. But just the fact that the priest will be there is good enough in my opinion, why does a name have to be said to prove that FI is Catholic?

I've run out of response and can't argue about this anymore. Basically it seems like the only way for this to end is if the whole ceremony is in English. Any comments? Thanks for listening.

tourist Posted: Mar 30, 2004 04:45 PM

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

Posted by PrincessRose

Nope, that's the Muslim belief about Jesus.

We think he was a nice guy who said some good things, and died in very unfortunate circumstances.

I completely understand her reasoning.

good to know- my world religions class was a long time ago

jrl0223 Posted: Mar 30, 2004 06:03 PM

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

Thank you everyone...now I'm even more confused. Earlier I was convinced that I was the wrong one, but now I'm back to believeing I'm right, thanks PrincessRose. I have no idea what's going to happen.

If ever there was a time for this emoteicon...

Novembergirl Posted: Mar 30, 2004 06:12 PM

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

Since the Old Testament is shared by both religions, I think it is totally appropriate fo have some Hebrew. Since Jesus is not a concept shared by both, it makes perfect sense to just say God. The Catholics wll take this to mean Jesus and the Jews just plain God. I always hear Christians talk about Christ being Jewish so why should the Hebrew language be offensive? The concept of Christ, however contradicts Judiasm which says God is one.

Lorena Posted: Mar 30, 2004 06:37 PM

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

Hmmm, I am Catholic and am marrying a Catholic so I wasn't going to post here. But I have to say that this discussion intrigues me. I don't really understand the whole thing about not having Jesus mentioned. You are having a half Catholic ceremony. Everytime the priest makes the sign of the cross he is mentioning Jesus 'In the name of the Father, the Son & the Holy Spirit'. Jesus is too integral a part of the Catholic faith to just remove him from the equation. I can understand keeping the readings to the Old Testament, and not blatantly/purposefully mentioning Jesus, but I can't understand making an issue out of it. Everyone involved knows the situation and I can't see anyone getting offended. I also would think that the priest would know how to handle the delicate circumstances at hand. I also agree that the Hebrew language should not be offensive to anyone. It is a language of your culture and not exclusive to those of Jewish faith. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't think either of these things should be an issue.

ETA: I would, however, express your concerns to the officiants of your ceremony.

Edited again with more thoughts, keep thinking about it. I'm done now!

groovypeg Posted: Mar 30, 2004 06:54 PM

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

I would be concerned that if you are fighting about the ceremony content now, have you discussed how religion is going to play when and if you have kids? That is one of the most important discussions to have before you get married. Please forgive me for stepping into this conversation, but I had to ask. I hope the 2 of you can resolve your differences. FYI I am a recent convert from Catholicism to Judaism. My ceremony obviously will be all Jewish, and in Hebrew, but all of my family are Catholic.

tracyg Posted: Mar 30, 2004 07:00 PM

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

well i know for a fact some of FH's family will be offended if Jesus is mentioned. So that is one reason we are keeping him out of it.

also since i am not Catholic we don't make the cross sign, so its easier for us Protestants to leave him out entirely.

Xelindrya Posted: Mar 30, 2004 07:03 PM

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

May I see I agree and see your point PERFECTLY!

I am having the words God & Jesus removed from any reference in my wedding that is said directly to the audience.

Meaning. I don't mind God/Jesus but I mind asking my audience to believe things.

The only reason God is being mentioned at all is I can't really figured out how to remove it. Jesus really isnt part of my ceremony. (that sounded strange)

Then again Im Agnostic so i am strange.

Im a very very devout Agnostic and cringe inwardly whenever I go someplace that has invocations. But I am an ultimatly tolerant because that is afterall the basis of my belief.

Still I can not imagine the guilt and feeling of being a hypocrite if I were to ask my audience to pray or said God or Jesus. So although I may not be Jewish I can understand your basic feeling and desire not to have Jesus in your wedding.

I say stand behind it if you REALLY REALLY care that much about it. That's just me. I am nearly a zealot about my beliefs and couldnt imagine giving them up for my most special day.

Sorry if I confused you more.

laudipop Posted: Mar 30, 2004 07:33 PM

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

FH and I are interfaith, too--he's Jewish and I'm Catholic. I have to say that while I understand that those of you who learned/speak Hebrew consider it 'just a language', to non-Jewish people (at least non-Jewish Americans), it's very clearly associated with the Jewish religion. I would feel really uncomfortable having it spoken at my wedding, especially since I don't speak the language. I would feel like an outsider at my own ceremony.

Just talking about G-d and not Jesus, IMO, isn't really being true to Catholicism. It's acting as if the most basic belief of the religion doesn't exist. I think if you're trying to include BOTH religions, have some Hebrew and also a blessing that mentions Jesus. Or just focus on what the two have in common--G-d. But once you start saying 'does Hebrew equal Jesus' or other things like that, it will all get messy.

I hope I don't sound too harsh. I just think that nobody finds their own religious beliefs offensive, and so it's easy to be insulted when you discover that other people ARE offended by something you think is totally fine.

We're taking the chicken's way out--a family friend who's a judge is marrying us!

Lorena Posted: Mar 30, 2004 07:36 PM

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

Posted by laudipop

Just talking about G-d and not Jesus, IMO, isn't really being true to Catholicism. It's acting as if the most basic belief of the religion doesn't exist. I think if you're trying to include BOTH religions, have some Hebrew and also a blessing that mentions Jesus. Or just focus on what the two have in common--G-d. But once you start saying 'does Hebrew equal Jesus' or other things like that, it will all get messy.

Well put. This encompasses much of what I was trying to say.

LIPrincess00 Posted: Mar 30, 2004 09:29 PM

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

I am in the same situation and didnt want to have ceremony problems, so I am going to use a Judge and will have each one of our friends do a reading. Mine is doing a reading and saying the breaking the glass ceremony his a prayer. I felt this evens things out.

Marisa&Brian Posted: Mar 30, 2004 10:03 PM

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

If your FI is Catholic - His entire religion revolves around Jesus - I agree w/ the other girls on this one - If you've agreend on an interfaith ceremony (and life together) I'd leave out any and all Jewish/Catholic refrences and just go w/ a spiritual ceremony - you both beleive in 'god' - .....and your love for each other
It is unfair, IMO, for the rabbi to be speaking hebrew (a large part of your faith, and growing up) and make no mention of Jesus (a large part of HIS faith and growing up)

Snowflake08 Posted: Oct 01, 2006 11:18 PM

Re: Interfaith Brides (Jewish/Catholic) I need advice!!! (kind of long but please read)

I am Jewish, FH is Catholic - Hebrew and Jesus are NOT the same AT ALL. the old testament, which everyone believes in, as well as the 10 commandments were written in HEBREW - it was the language that Jesus spoke, after all, Jesus was Jewish!