Hey everyone....Its so hard to please everyone. My fiancee is Catholic and I am Jewish. She wants to light unity candles, and have someone do a reading...which is fine with me. She asked me to find someone to do a reading, and i didnt know who I wanted to do it...So I asked my mom and she told me it was against the Jewish religion to have someone to a reading. Is this true? I never heard this before.
Im not very religious. My family is reformed. I dont really go to temple but my family does. So I dont really know what the jewish religion will let you do and not do at a wedding.
If there is anyone that has had an interfaith wedding....Please give me some info.
Also i suggested that we get a person to do an interfaith ceremony instead of getting a rabbi and a priest. The rabbi and the priest want $500 each. Thats crazy. I dont think she is going to go for that....
I want our wedding to be very special for her....and I dont want her to be aggrivated or stressed out...but i feel like I am making her aggrivated and stressed out.....
What do i do?
Danielle&Scott
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Someone help me pleaseeeeee
Alvatorre74
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Im sorry I cant Help You...But its sooo sweet that you are so concerned about not stressing out your fiance'
aliciahelene
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Ive read your thread..but Unfortunately I have no advice because I dont know much about teh Jewish religion. My close friend is Jewish and she did have a reading at her ceremony, but it too was an interfaith ceremony. She actually had a close friend of ours father ( who is teh mayor) marry her. Plsae dont worry though..although I dont have any information for you..there are alot people on here that will be able to help you! Its still early, alot of people are just getting settled in at work.I promis..so many girls on here will be able to help you! Just give it a few hours, hopefully!
AMinNY
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First of all, kudos to you for doing some legwork to find alternatives to make you both happy.
I'm Budhist, my fiance is Jewish. We are having a jewish ceremony with a rabbi. I was told Unity candles and readings were not part of jewish ceremonies by many people (including some that are on this site). But 7 weeks ago, I went to a jewish wedding (both bride & groom were jewish) and low and behold, they had a unity lighting ceremony.
I think the unity lighting is a beautiful symbolism of what my fiance and I are doing - joining our lives together.
My rabbi also asked if there were any of my traditions I wanted to incorporate. Look around, you will find officiants that are willing to celebrate your different heritages. I found this verse on the web that I would like incorporated into my ceremony: 'Out of two different and distinct traditions, they have come together to learn the best of what each has to offer, appreciating their differences, and confirming that being together is far better than being apart from each other.'
Doesn't that represent the two of you? Hope this helps. I'm sure your fiancee appreciates the effort you are putting into your wedding - too often us brides are stuck with no interest at all.
Danielle&Scott
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Thank you so much for your comments....I want to do the best for her. I am very lucky to have her in my life. She is very special. I want to let her have her dream wedding day, and I want it to be everything that she ever imagined it to be....I just dont want her annoyed with me...if I cannot take part in certain things during our wedding. I feel that she is annoyed with me because of what I can and cannot do on our day....
aliciahelene
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You are a sweethearT!!
LizD
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I want to say I have been to a few ceremonies with both Catholic and Jewish aspects and traditions and they are the most beautiful ceremonies I have been too. A friend if mine is Jewish and her family is pretty religious and they had readings. A member of her family did a reading from the Old Testament and from his family the New Testament. They had both a priest and a rabbi. It really was such a beautiful ceremony. Good luck and remember, it is very hard to please everybody, do what is best for yourselves!!
fallwed03
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ok - same situation but I am Luthern - FH is Jewish Here is my plan -
Were are having Rev Joe do the ceremony he seems awesome - and is all up on interfaith ceremonies -
we are doing unity candle readings- my cousins Lords Prayer blessing of the wine and glass
I think this is the best way to do it
Remeber you cannot make everyone happy - believe I have been going down this road for the last 8 months and it has been horrible - that is until I realized this is my dang wedding and me and my FH will do what MAKES US HAPPY
Good Luck
btrflygrl
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Scott,
I am having an intefaith ceremony, but I think with just a minister since I am a non-practicing Jew and actually considering converting. I do believe it is against our faith to do a reading, but since your ceremony is interfaith, I don't see a reason why you can't do it. I am asking one of my Future sister-in-laws to do one since I am becoming very close with her.....To please 'everyone' (even though this day is really supposed to be for you and your finacee) choose a reading from the Old Testament....Jewish faith goes by it, and most Christian/catholic use both the old and the new. I am using the verse from Corinthians because it's truly beautiful and personifies our realtionship. there are many verses to choose from...does it have to be biblical? You can do a 'reading' and have it be a love poem.....but most of all...don't try to please everyone because it won't happen. Focus on you and your wife to be....you are the ones being married...it'syour day and your lives....
Enjoy! ~Shana
Danielle&Scott
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Thanks Shana...Please keep em coming
Misty
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It is not 'against' the jewish religion to read during a ceremony. What it is - is 'different' from what is done. There is a huge difference between those two things, and that's the first thing that you guys are going to have to discuss with both sets of your parents. There will be differences from what they are used to, and there are going to be things done that might not make everyone happy. Ultimately, it's YOUR happiness and satisfaction with the ceremony that is going to matter. You can not and WILL not please everyone.
Have you thought of asking a friend to do the reading? Also, have you explained that the reading will be from the Old Testament....which is essentially the torah?
Danielle&Scott
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I didnt really get into it with my mom...Just told her that I had to find someone to do a reading but I didnt know who i wanted to do it....and then she just told me that doing a reading is against the religion...and I didnt know any better than to believe her....We are all going to have to sit odwn and have a discussion.
lulu
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I had an interfaith ceremony with a priest and a rabbi and we did 2 readings. One from the OT (which his jewish cousin read) and one from the NT (which my catholic aunt read). We just made sure to choose the readings carefully so we wouldn't offend anyone with overtly conficting religious mesages. We also did the unity candle, the wine blessing, the breaking of the glass. Everyone commented on how beautiful the ceremony was.
hampsteadha
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Yes - I would DEFINITELY get a book on the subject so you can read what is typical in each ceremony (including the processionals) and pick and choose together and then approach the parents. Aside from the rituals like bride circling the groom, chuppah, yamulkas, unity candles, bedeken, breaking of the glass, and blessing over the wine, you have your VOWS to consider. When you read them, I think you will be pleasantly surprised to see that they aren't that incredibly different if you eliminate overt references to JC. You can use the Christian vows and have a reader read the Jewish Seven Blessings. Also, if you are getting married on a Saturday evening, you might consider lighting a HAVDALAH candle as your unity candle.
tracyg
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did his and/or your parents stand under the huppah with any of you? cuz i don't think i want that....
CathyB
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I had people do readings at my interfaith (catholic - jewish) ceremony.
The whole point is that it is a combination of the two religions, so you will have things that aren't done in a jewish ceremony, as well as things that aren't done in a catholic ceremony.
Edited to add: we didnt' have our parents under the chuppah with us, except during the unity candle. Only the best man & MOH were up there with us. And the rabbi & deacon.
flower1017
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I am planning an interfaith wedding. I am Catholic and my FI is Jewish. Everyone is giving great advice, I agree that you should definitely do what you and your FI feels incorporates the best of both of your religions. We are not using a huppah, but we are doing the unity candle, the kiddush cup (wine), and the breaking of the glass. We are evn thinking of doing an interfaith kettubah. Your ceremony is not going to be 'traditional' because you are from two different faiths. But it will be very special because you are embracing both of your backgrounds. There are a lot of good books out there about interfaith vows and weddings. Check out your library or a bookstore. That will give you some good ideas too. Good luck.
Danielle&Scott
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Thats another thing. My fiancee said her parents arent going to be standing, but I know that my parents will be. Is that ok that one set of parents stand and the other ones sit?
mich
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Scott- I am Jewish and FI is Catholic- so I know what you're going through. We are having a priest and rabbi and will be incorporating certain aspects of both ceremonies- including the unity candle, breaking of the glass etc...Let me know if there's any way I can help you. Good luck, Michelle
