How are you incorporating both religions into your ceremony? I was going to to the unity candle for FH's family - christian, and breaking the glass for my family - Jewish. But FH's parents say the unity candle is not specifically christian. I always thought it was, but I do not know.
marymoon
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Re: Interfaith couples
I always thought the unity candle was a christian thing. I've never seen it done at a Jewish wedding. We don't have it all planned out but we do plan to
- Get married under the huppah - Sign a Ketubah - Have readings from the Old and New Testament - Have the Seven Blessings in Hebrew and in English - Have a dual ring ceremony (traditionally a jewish wedding is a single ring ceremony) - Light the unity candle -Have some of the same prayers, structure and wording from a christian ceremony - Have a Christian style processional - Break the glass. 'Mazel Tov!' I can't wait. it will be so much fun!
evnme
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Re: Interfaith couples
Hi, Yes a unity candle is a Christian thing... How are you doing your vows? b/c a non-Jew cannot say the Jewish wedding vow
egalitarian Jewish weddings have dual ring ceremonies.
another question- are there going to be 'religion specific' references? eg- is Jesus going to be mentioned? and are you and your family comfortable with that? or is any specific God mentioning going to be with the general word God to make everyone comfortable?
food for thought....
Soccer_Girl
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Re: Interfaith couples
We are having something we are calling a 'jewish lite' ceremony. We are getting married under the chuppah, seven blessings, etc.. and having a traditional jewish wedding (minus the circling) but some additional English has been added so FHs guests (and some of mine) will understand what is going on.
My rabbi had us buy a book regarding ceremonies and we added our own touches.
If you want a copy of ours please FM me.
(Note: There are no references to New Testament or JC in our ceremony. We are not doing a unity candle either. I was just not comfortable with any of that.)
PinkSoil
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Re: Interfaith couples
We are doing the glass, the ketubah, the unity candle, and the Rabbi and Reverend will take equal turns of speaking, so no one person looks like he is 'taking over.' The Rabbi asked both me and FH to write a little story (separately) about each other including the things with love about the other person and even the stuff that drives us crazy. We have to mail them to the Rabbi next month and he will read them at the ceremony. I absoutely can't wait to get married!!!!!!!
MrsP2Be
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Not interfaith but sometimes things are not written in stone to be Jewish/Christian, but rather just become tradition in one of the religions. I think my family would die if I had a unity candle. Even the idea of having a program is making my mom break out in hives!
Goldi1021
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Posted by MrsP2Be
Not interfaith but sometimes things are not written in stone to be Jewish/Christian, but rather just become tradition in one of the religions. I think my family would die if I had a unity candle. Even the idea of having a program is making my mom break out in hives!
We are not interfaith either but I hear you on the program thing. I mentioned it once to my mother and she was like 'What the heck do you need that for? I never saw that at a Jewish wedding?' I decided to let it go for the moment and will order them on my own without telling her. (My own personal BRIDEZILLA moment - I'm the bride - MY WEDDING, MY WAY!!!) I will have the programs in a lovely basket next to the one with the yarmulkes in it and the odds are she won't know they are there because she will be too wrapped up in getting herself together. I want them to look like my invitations (on the same stock with the same font) so I will order them from my invitation lady. When I told her about what mom said, she said that more and more Jewish weddings have them.
My brother had an interfaith marriage when he remarried. He had an Episcopalian Minister and a Reform Rabbi share in the ceremony. The Rabbi did his thing under the chuppah and the minister did it in front of the chuppah with his back to the people. The best part was when the minister was saying the vows for my brother to repeat and when he got up to the 'For richer, for poorer...' part, my brother stammered a little saying 'For richer, for p-p-p-p-p-p-oorer' which was HILARIOUS. Everyone knew what a shrew his ex-wife was who tried to suck every penny out of him.
KvsGrl
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Re: Interfaith couples
I haven't thought it all through yet...
-Interfaith (Reformed) Rabbi -chuppah -readings from both old and new testament as well as contemporary readings -unity candle -breaking the glass
Girls with a Ketubah- where did you find one that was appropriate for Interfaith couples?
Girls whose FH is Christian- is he going to wear a yamaka during the ceremony?
What else am I missing?? I need so much help in this area!!
KvsGrl
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Re: Interfaith couples
Posted by coopersmom
We are having something we are calling a 'jewish lite' ceremony. We are getting married under the chuppah, seven blessings, etc.. and having a traditional jewish wedding (minus the circling) but some additional English has been added so FHs guests (and some of mine) will understand what is going on.
My rabbi had us buy a book regarding ceremonies and we added our own touches.
If you want a copy of ours please FM me.
(Note: There are no references to New Testament or JC in our ceremony. We are not doing a unity candle either. I was just not comfortable with any of that.)
What book did the rabbi recommend?
LaurenluvsTJ
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Re: Interfaith couples
Posted by evnme
Hi, Yes a unity candle is a Christian thing... How are you doing your vows? b/c a non-Jew cannot say the Jewish wedding vow
egalitarian Jewish weddings have dual ring ceremonies.
another question- are there going to be 'religion specific' references? eg- is Jesus going to be mentioned? and are you and your family comfortable with that? or is any specific God mentioning going to be with the general word God to make everyone comfortable?
food for thought....
We are writing our own vows, the ceremony is going to be performed by a non-denominational interfaith minister. Neither one of us is religious, so we do not want any 'religion specific' references, so no, there will be no mention of Jesus. We will not have a ketubah, or a chuppah, and no one will wear yarmulkes. We just want to incorporate a little 'tradition' to appease both sets of parents.
Goldi1021
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Re: Interfaith couples
Posted by KvsGrl
I haven't thought it all through yet...
-Interfaith (Reformed) Rabbi -chuppah -readings from both old and new testament as well as contemporary readings -unity candle -breaking the glass
Girls with a Ketubah- where did you find one that was appropriate for Interfaith couples?
Try ketubahketubah.com or levinejudaica.com. They both have large selections and differnt texts for different needs.
Just an FYI, a Reform Rabbi will/may perform an interfaith ceremony but are generally not known as 'interfaith Rabbis.'
marymoon
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Re: Interfaith couples
Posted by Goldi1021
Posted by KvsGrl
I haven't thought it all through yet...
-Interfaith (Reformed) Rabbi -chuppah -readings from both old and new testament as well as contemporary readings -unity candle -breaking the glass
Girls with a Ketubah- where did you find one that was appropriate for Interfaith couples?
Try ketubahketubah.com or levinejudaica.com. They both have large selections and differnt texts for different needs.
Just an FYI, a Reform Rabbi will/may perform an interfaith ceremony but are generally not known as 'interfaith Rabbis.'
Oh I'm an itnerfaith Rabbi, Saturdays it's the shull, then on sunday I zip over to the church for mass, then it's off to the mosque and then buddhist temple. I'm a busy guy!
marymoon
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Re: Interfaith couples
What do you meana non jew can;t say jewish wedding vows. Do you mean the haray aht (sp?)?
Soccer_Girl
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What book did the rabbi recommend?
______________________________________
The rabbi recommended 'Celebrating Interfaith Marriages: Creating your Jewish/Christian Ceremony' by Rabbi Devon A. Lerner
Goldi1021
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Posted by marymoon Oh I'm an itnerfaith Rabbi, Saturdays it's the shull, then on sunday I zip over to the church for mass, then it's off to the mosque and then buddhist temple. I'm a busy guy!
Jenn with all of your wedding plans, how do you have time to lead so many congegations? Too funny!
BHW
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Re: Interfaith couples
My fiancee (not Jewish) and I are essentially having a reform ceremony with some minor additions (readings, writing our own vows). My fiancee will recite the Jewish wedding vows at the ceremony. I think the non-Jew reciting Jewish wedding vows issue is something that varies with each rabbi. The more conservative rabbis would probably not allow a non-Jew to recite these vows, but at the same time, the more conservative rabbis probably would not perform interfaith ceremonies. A reform rabbi who regularly conducts interfaith ceremonies may be more willing to bend tradition.
Magooo221
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Re: Interfaith couples
Posted by evnme
Hi, Yes a unity candle is a Christian thing... How are you doing your vows? b/c a non-Jew cannot say the Jewish wedding vow
egalitarian Jewish weddings have dual ring ceremonies.
another question- are there going to be 'religion specific' references? eg- is Jesus going to be mentioned? and are you and your family comfortable with that? or is any specific God mentioning going to be with the general word God to make everyone comfortable?
food for thought....
When we met with the Rabbi that is performing our ceremony he had my fiance practice the Hebrew so he can get used to it. He is able to say the vows.
evnme
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Re: Interfaith couples
Posted by marymoon
What do you meana non jew can;t say jewish wedding vows. Do you mean the haray aht (sp?)?
yes, that's exactly what I mean. non-jews are not bound by the covenant. I am a Reform Cantor in training (1 year left!) i just popped on this topic to see if i could be of any help.
ETA: but, each Rabbi or Cantor can interpret this however they like. if yours says the non-Jewish partner can say it, then go right ahead. this is a big part of liberal Judaism- the right to choose!
marymoon
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Re: Interfaith couples
We don't have a Rabbi or Cantor yet (by the time we get married you will be one though..wanna officiate? ), so we haven't discussed it. I know that all you need for a 'kosher' jewish wedding is that FH says the haray aht to me and gives me soemthing wroth six silver pieces while two good jews who are not related to us or each other look on... He's Jewish, so of course he can say it. Maybe we can get around it by him saying it to me in Hebrew and me saying it to him in English. We'll see what happens. Thanks for pointing that out though, I never really thought there might be a glitch with that!
