My grandparents are not typical grandparents - they are relatively young and they are BULLIES, especially when it comes to religion. I am Jewish and FH is Catholic - my grandparents are absolutely appalled that we are having a priest and a rabbi perform the ceremony. They would just assume forget about FH's background and only care about our own. When I first got engaged they confronted me about this and my grandfather said that such a ceremony would cause him to 'drop dead.' Mt grandmother said it was against everything they believe in and wasn't sure if they would be there. Well, it has been 10 months since then and they seem to have come around - my grandmother flew in from Florida for my shower. Still, I know how they feel - they made that clear. Now they have the nerve to want to walk down the aisle!! My grandparents are they type who could VERY easily make a scene. Plus, I have another grandfather who is not well enough to walk down the aisle and I don't want to hurt him. Any thoughts?
BMD'sPeanut
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Re: Family issue - need advice - LONG
What exactly is your specific issue? Are you afraid that they'll make a scene? Are you still looking for approval of some sort from them?
Emily7
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Re: Family issue - need advice - LONG
Honestly, yes - I am afraid that they will make a scene. They may think they are OK, but when they see the priest there, trust me, they will start crying. At my bat mitzvah they missed half the night because they were out in the hallway crying about my aunt's new husband who isn't jewish. It's just the way they are.
HearzBellz
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Re: Family issue - need advice - LONG
It is a touchy situation, but maybe you could include them in some other way rather than walking you down thee aisle. In all honesty I think it looks cumbersome to have so many people walking you down the aisle , but that's JMHO. Maybe they can be included in a Unity Candle lighting ceremony...like they can pass the candles through the generations?
BMD'sPeanut
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Re: Interfaith Family issue - need advice - LONG
Can you voice your concerns to them? Tell them that you are worried that they won't be happy on your wedding day and that it is important to you that they are in good spirits...Ask them what they'd be interested in doing to be included...Maybe they don't HAVE to walk you down the aisle...
Emily7
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Re: Interfaith Family issue - need advice - LONG
They just want to walk down the aisle because they think they should be honored. They're very big on honoring grandparents. They're not reasonable people so I don't think I can reason with them!
alina
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Re: Interfaith Family issue - need advice - LONG
Why can't you just say that its not traditional for grandparents to walk down the aisle... That's it, end of story... If they want to be honored, they can say a toast to you at the reception.
juju
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Re: Interfaith Family issue - need advice - LONG
Would your parents be able to speak to them?
sandj100304
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Re: Interfaith Family issue - need advice - LONG
I understand the probelms you are having with the religion issue. I am jewish and FH is catholic and FMIL is not happy about the ceremony at all. She wants it at a church and wont hear otherwise.
You need to tell your grandparents that it is not traditional for them to walk down the aisle. Explain how you dont want to hurt your other grandparent and you think it is best to not have it done. Reasoning with them is the best thing to do.
valentinesbride
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Re: Interfaith Family issue - need advice - LONG
Ok, I am jewish as well, my fh, is catholic. Fh, doesn't want a rabbi there, and I don't feel comfortable with soley priest. However, my fh friend is a priest, and will be performing the wedding , in a suit...he will not appear to be a priest, for my grandmother's sake. Another idea is have a Reverend /non denominational rev marry you. Your grandparents may have big mouths but it seems as if they care enough to come to your shower, i am not sure they want to risk ruining your wedding and putting distance in your relationship with them, let them walk down the aisle, leave the rest up to them.. give them that respect or you will hear about that even more :)
PrincessRose
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Re: Interfaith Family issue - need advice - LONG
I understand your concerns about them walking down the aisle, but I just want to make something clearer to the girls on here -
In Judaism, Everyone walks down the aisle. By Everyone, I mean the Rabbi/Cantor, The Groom is escorted by both his parents, the Bride by both her parents, and any living Grandparents are walking down too. It's part of the 'Honor thy father and mother' commandment, as your grandparents are also responsible for your existence. So traditionally, her grandparents should be walking down the aisle. Also, Unity Candles, not being part of Jewish Tradition at all, would probably not be the way to go seeing as they already have problems straying from tradition. I'll never forget the look on my mom's face when I suggested bubbles at the end of the ceremony - She laughed at me for awhile after that one.
That said, I will also say that it's entirely possible that your grandparents will act respectfully, just out of the seriousness of the occasion. Trust me - my two uncles each married converts, one who is African (Born in Ethiopia), the other Irish-Catholic, and my Rotten B*&ch of a Grandmother was gracious and lovely all day, regardless of how she felt about her new daughters-in-law.
One final thing for you to think about - Our grandparents come from a time in history where people were murdered for being Jews. Traditionally, a Jew marrying a non-Jew would be considered Dead to her family - they'd sit shiva and everything! I know that times have changed, but those are feelings and associations that are very difficult for them to give up.
I hope that you can work it out with your grandparents.
Emily7
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Re: Interfaith Family issue - need advice - LONG
Everything PrincessRose said is true about our traditions. Still, I am afraid my grandparents are going to make a scene and I am 100% sure they are going to react negatively when they see the priest there. I just don't want to take that chance. Plus, I think they lost that 'honor' when they said this was against everything they believe in. I'm glad that they're making some effort and that they are coming, but I'm still not sure why they want to be such a part of it!
AMinNYC
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Re: Interfaith Family issue - need advice - LONG
I know you were seriously hurt by your grandparents' reaction. It sounds like they are coming around. Remember, they are older and were brought up with different traditions. No one easily admits that they were wrong (like they were). THe fact that they verbally said they want to walk down the aisle means they love you and want to participate in something very special for you.
Do they have any idea that you are having a rabbi & a priest? I would sit down with them, telll them you care for them very much, and you want them to participate in your wedding but you are having a wedding that includes both your and your FH's traditions and you do not want them to be upset by it.
Are you having a chuppah? You can also honor them by letting them stand/sit under the chuppah with your parents?
Good Luck!
Nora101004
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Re: Interfaith Family issue - need advice - LONG
Your grandparents should know that in a jewish ceremony, the parents, not the grandparents walk the bride down the ailse. Its your wedding, if they can't be there to support you in your day, that is something they will have to live with. Life is too short to put up with such BS. Also, the religion follows the mother, so your kids would be jewish- what's the problem? Would they rather you marry a jewish man who treats you poorly or a man who loves you and you love?
LIPrincess00
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Re: Interfaith Family issue - need advice - LONG
Why not let them walk down the aisle. I only have one grandmother (and I'm not sure if she'll be well enough to even attend) and my FI has no grandparents, I know grandparents can be difficult in this situation (I was raised in it), but I wish I had grandparents to walk down. As for your other grandfather, can you have him say the blessing over the wine? or include him in another way? Just a thought.
