Interfaith Wedding - need help!

I don't think an interfaith ceremony at a Catholic Church is an option. A) most rabbis probably won't do it and B) most churches wouldn't allow a co-celebrant of another faith.

We're doing it at the hall because I love the way it will look but before we had decided that we were going to do it at an interfaith/non-denominational chapel. There's one on Jericho Tpk (I think it's Westbury) called Historical Chapel. It's the feel of a church (I understand, I'm Catholic, FH is Jewish too) but there are no Christian icons anywhere and all clergy can con-celebrate.

Historical Chapel

We did meet with our CATHOLIC priest, and he said an interfaith ceremony IN THE CHURCH, with a Rabbi and Priest present, is definitely do-able. We still do our pre-cana, and all that fun stuff, and we ahve a really nice reform Rabbi to co-officiate. ITs not IMPOSSIBLE...nothing is IMPOSSIBLE....FH's family is happy with it because it has what they want...a Rabbi....they do not care WHERE it is, as long as the Rabbi will do it, which she will....So, if you know what you want, ASK...its nce to get advise from here, but I heard many things about not being recognized by the church, etc etc...but it was from the mouth of the Rabbi and Priest that we got our answers...

Good Luck!

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Posted by pinkgirl

Wow! You guys are REALLY turning this into a battle! I hear so much spite in so many of the posts! I think a lot of you aren't respecting or thinking about the other person involved. If you are truly having an 'interfaith' wedding then have it with both a Rabbi and a Priest in a place that doesn't represent either religion. Having it at a place of worship makes it like your religion and throwing in an extra officiant to make it look balanced when it really isn't. Just my opinion...

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I really agree! I hear such animosity in some of these posts. IMO, it is not up to us as individuals to decide about how someone else feels about religion, even if they don't appear to be religious or 'practicing.' I cannot blame your FH's parents for not wanting to attend their Jewish son's wedding in a church. There is no way my parents would!! As has already been said, if you are truly having an 'interfaith' ceremony, you need to make both sides of the families, and both religions, comfortable. That means (to me at least) having it on 'neutral territory' - like at the reception hall - that's what we're doing. Usually, one religion is going to be more representative in the ceremony anyway. Out cantor told us that we sort of have to 'pick' which officiant will officiate, and which will assist - so we are going with more of a Jewish ceremony, although we are also having a minister and incorporating some Christian traditions. I know you said that you have always dreamt about marrying in the church, etc. - but you have to realize that when you marry someone who is not your religion, you may have to adapt those dreams. I had to! I am sure his parents may have had dreams of how their son's wedding may have been to. That's not to say that you can't have a ceremony that you will both love, but realize that interfaith couples are a lot of compromise!

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Posted by mrswask

I really agree! I hear such animosity in some of these posts. IMO, it is not up to us as individuals to decide about how someone else feels about religion, even if they don't appear to be religious or 'practicing.' I cannot blame your FH's parents for not wanting to attend their Jewish son's wedding in a church. There is no way my parents would!! As has already been said, if you are truly having an 'interfaith' ceremony, you need to make both sides of the families, and both religions, comfortable. That means (to me at least) having it on 'neutral territory' - like at the reception hall - that's what we're doing. Usually, one religion is going to be more representative in the ceremony anyway. Out cantor told us that we sort of have to 'pick' which officiant will officiate, and which will assist - so we are going with more of a Jewish ceremony, although we are also having a minister and incorporating some Christian traditions. I know you said that you have always dreamt about marrying in the church, etc. - but you have to realize that when you marry someone who is not your religion, you may have to adapt those dreams. I had to! I am sure his parents may have had dreams of how their son's wedding may have been to. That's not to say that you can't have a ceremony that you will both love, but realize that interfaith couples are a lot of compromise!

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Well put!

Well, FH was the one who suggested the church in the first place. If he has no problem with it, his parents shouldn't either, and since they're not paying (which is funny considering his $30K bar mitzvah), I really don't think they need to have a huge say in the matter. And it isn't as if FH has some huge connection to his synagogue. He hasn;t been there since his bar mitzvah, and it's conservative anyway, and wouldn't marry us. And I know more about Judaism than FH and his family combined, so...

Anyway, we're looking into doing 2 ceremonies....one at a church, one at a synagogue..nothing's more equal than that, but FH's grandma is finding fault with that too. My attitude about this wedding for the most part is that we will never please everyone, so we have to please ourselves, it's OUR wedding, and this si especially true since we're paying for it.

I also married interfaith, and did so in the hall with a cantor and priest. There are rabbis and cantors that will perform the ceremony in a church, including the one who performed my ceremony.

I will say that this post effected me the most, and is being reiterated by many on this thread:

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Well, I refuse to bow to them. They're not even religious!

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This does NOT matter. You may not realize this now, but I promise you will when you are married. When you marry the man, you marry the family. If you are going to start off on this foot, I will tell you that it is only going to get much much harder on you and your FH. I promise they are not asking you to 'bow' to them, they simply want what they are entitled to, to see their son married in a way that makes them feel as comfortable as your parents would be. Shifting things in one direction or another without consulting them is going to make things VERY difficult on you, and your FH, and your families. The single MOST IMPORTANT thing while planning an interfaith union is communication with both families. Hear them out, and they need to hear you out also. It goes both ways. Do not simply dismiss what they are saying. They have very very valid reasons, and concerns about their son and the way he is getting married.

While his family may not be 'religious' it doesn't mean they should be forced to miss their sons wedding, or forced into a place they do not feel comfortable. How many Catholic people do you know attend mass every week? If they don't, do you consider them less religious because they only celebrate the holidays and don't participate every week in mass? Are they less entitled to be married in the church? Do they have less of an argument when they want to see their children married in a church?

I promise that talking about it...COMMUNICATING...will only help you.

And, I've been to a wedding where there were 2 ceremonies, and it worked out beautifully.

Interfaith couple here too!
I know you can get married in a church with a Priest and a Rabi - my cousin did it in Manhasset.

We are having a Priest and a Rabi at our reception hall.

What I've learned in this process - even if your FI is not religious, weddings seem bring out the religious side in everybody's family (at least in my case).

Respect both, and everybody's happy ... hopefully

Good luck.