Invitation Frustration

I'm sure many of you will be able to relate to this...

I'm the last of 5 girls and this is the final wedding of our family. My mom and dad have always been very attached to me because i'm the baby of the family. Everyone is SUPER excited about this wedding and it puts a lot of pressure on me to make it amazing, but i take it in stride. My mom is a very opinionated person who doesn't understand that times have changed in 'wedding land' since the last weddings we had (which were 5 years ago). She and my dad are graciously paying for the full reception (as they did with my other sisters).

From the get go, she has been a real downer when it comes to giving input on decisions. When i originally wanted a Fall themed wedding, i was considering red dresses and she balked at that. Then i wanted to do jewel tones and have all the girls wear a different color and she is STILL telling people about that and laughing about it, putting a negative spin on it like it's absurd. She came up with the idea that dark purple would look good on everyone and i agreed and we went with that.

All of her negativity has really gotten me down. Last night i found invitations that i LOVE from an etsy shop, and this morning i was so excited to show her. Her response was 'oh no...no...i don't like that at all' and she proceeded to tell me how 'not black tie' it is and 'why is the wording like that' and blah blah blah. Totally blew my morning. I also asked my sisters and they didn't really like them either, but we're all very different people with very different tastes and i'm not trying to have a traditional wedding.

::sigh:: just getting frustrated with no one supporting my decisions. Isn't it supposed to be about MY big day and not an event full of things THEY want? I wish for ONCE someone would be like 'they're nice... if you love them you should totally get them' instead of 'wellll this is weird and i don't like this and i think this could be better'.

Invitation Frustration

:( sorry to hear this maybe it would help to get a few samples (usually you can get for free or like $2/$4) and say : pick your favorite out of these 3 ! end of story!

Invitation Frustration

I'm not willing to compromise on what i love just because other people don't like it. I know many of my guests will love them and i love them. The disappointment is mostly in the fact that no one can just support my decisions and trust that overall it will be an amazing wedding.

Invitation Frustration

Then don't show them, let them see when it comes in the mail LOL

Invitation Frustration

PS from what you said yesterday it does sound amazing!

Invitation Frustration

Sorry, you are having trouble, don't change your mind or vision.
I have never been on the same page with my mom. When I lived at home and I need her opinion on an outfit, my question would be how does it fit? I never asked her if she liked it.
I think you need to re-phrase your questions, something like does the paper look cheap? Good luck.

Invitation Frustration

Are they paying for all your vendors? Did they give you money up front? Or do you have to go to them to get money for everything? I say if you already have the money then do what you want. My mom is very old school as well and has laughed at some of my ideas. She's finally warmed up to most of them now. I basically told her I wasn't going to change my mind and that this was my vision and I want to do what makes ME happy and not her. Sometimes sharing things about your wedding isn't a good idea. Stand up for yourself and tell them they are hurting your feelings.

Invitation Frustration

Yeah... i've learned that. My parents are only paying for the venue so everything else is in our hands...it's just been such a difficult process because EVERYTHING is a debate with my mom... there hasn't been one single thing (from how the ring bearer and flower girls are walking down the aisle to what kind of veil i'm using to the wording on the invitations)that hasn't been disputed. It's mentally exhausting.

Re: Invitation Frustration

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Posted by MarryTheNight24

Are they paying for all your vendors? Did they give you money up front? Or do you have to go to them to get money for everything? I say if you already have the money then do what you want. My mom is very old school as well and has laughed at some of my ideas. She's finally warmed up to most of them now. I basically told her I wasn't going to change my mind and that this was my vision and I want to do what makes ME happy and not her. Sometimes sharing things about your wedding isn't a good idea. Stand up for yourself and tell them they are hurting your feelings.

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THIS! My mom has been fairly supportive through this whole process, but I think its because my mom and I havent ever really been that close and she is trying to rebuild our relationship, which I totally appreciate. I know there are things that Ive done with this wedding that she doesnt particularly care for, and while she says she likes the idea or whatever, I can tell by her reaction that she doesnt. My MIL is even worse. Just try to brush it off and keep your eye on the prize!

Re: Invitation Frustration

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Posted by EAY213

Yeah... i've learned that. My parents are only paying for the venue so everything else is in our hands...it's just been such a difficult process because EVERYTHING is a debate with my mom... there hasn't been one single thing (from how the ring bearer and flower girls are walking down the aisle to what kind of veil i'm using to the wording on the invitations)that hasn't been disputed. It's mentally exhausting.

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Oh okay then. I mean I get it. You want to share everything with your family and want them to love it too. Just be confident in your decisions and realize that if you're sharing with people they most likely will have an opinion and it might not be positive. Order some samples and maybe they will feel different seeing it in person (and maybe you will also!).

Invitation Frustration

Thanks girls :)

Invitation Frustration

My mom was doing the same thing, and it was really disappointing and frustrating. I asked my dad and sister to talk to her and let her know that her negativity was really upsetting to me.

Re: Invitation Frustration

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Posted by EAY213

Yeah... i've learned that. My parents are only paying for the venue so everything else is in our hands...it's just been such a difficult process because EVERYTHING is a debate with my mom... there hasn't been one single thing (from how the ring bearer and flower girls are walking down the aisle to what kind of veil i'm using to the wording on the invitations)that hasn't been disputed. It's mentally exhausting.

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Don't let it get you down. I know it is easier said than done. I am the only daughter in my family and I wanted to include my mom a lot as she will never have this experience again but I've to the conclusion to leave her out on a few things. I get excited about certain things I like and want to show her but I tell her, I like this and so does FH and for the most part she has learned to back off a little. She too is stuck in ancient times of wedding planning and will tell me that she doesnt like certain things. The wedding planning for me hasn't been stressful, its making sure you don't hurt anyone's feelings or make them feel left out that its the most stressful part. I know its sad to say but if your mom makes you feel that way, avoid it and tell her thats what you deceided on already not that you are thinking of it. Once it's done, its done. Good luck!!!

Invitation Frustration

Aww, I can imagine your situation is very frustrating, for sure. Honestly, I'd talk to them about how it's really upsetting to you that they make fun of/constantly disagree with what YOU like/want. I'd also just be like ok this is what I pick. Done! haha. Good luck!!

Invitation Frustration

I have the same problem - and consequently often don't bother including my mother in many wedding things lately because she doesn't seem interested half the time and the other half she just criticizes whatever wedding decision I've made. It's nice that you still want to include your mom in discussing wedding details, I can't deal with my mother's criticism's anymore. It's too painful to keep getting the opposite reaction of what I hoped for in showing her my dress, wedding venue, etc. I've tried talking to her (especially about her not criticizing my weight!!!) but it changes nothing. :( Good luck with your mom, moms can be so difficult sometimes

Invitation Frustration

Just do what I do and book everything and don't tell anyone! I'm
Not asking anyone's opinion except fh... Bc people seem to be a little more considerate when you have already chosen it.

Plus I don't really care what anyone thinks if I love it I'm doing it

Re: Invitation Frustration

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Posted by fdnybride163

Just do what I do and book everything and don't tell anyone! I'm
Not asking anyone's opinion except fh... Bc people seem to be a little more considerate when you have already chosen it.

Plus I don't really care what anyone thinks if I love it I'm doing it

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THIS!! FMIL is annoyed because I haven't involved her much...but I really haven't involved anyone!! In the beginning, I involved people and asked for their opinions. Then I realized that everyone else's opinions annoyed me and didn't matter, anyway. Soooo much easierrrr

Invitation Frustration

^^^^ couldn't agree more! At the end of the day it's my wedding and as long as FH is on board w it then I could care less what anyone else thinks. Fmil said the same thing and I'm like 'oh I don't want to bother anyone '... Bottom line I don't care about your opinion ( and you WILL have an opinion, most likely not one I will like) and if I'm happy let it go.

People wouldn't say anything if it was a party at your house so why is it that a wedding makes people feel entitled to voice annoying opinions ?!

Invitation Frustration

Don't ask them to give feedback , just tell them what you have chosen. Then, give mom plenty of task to do that don't matter that much to you to keep her busy and feeling involved!