Invitation wording

I need opinions - is this too wordy

Together with our parents,
Brides parents
and
grooms parents
we,
bride
and
groom
Invite you to share in our joy
as we exchange wedding vows
Sunday, the twenty fifth day of May, 2003
At four o'clock in the afternoon.
Location

Reception Immediately Following

and should 'as we exchange...' start with upper case 'As we excahnge....'

Re: Invitation wording

not too wordy. I am not sure if As we exchange should be capitalized but I think the date is in a seperate paragraph and gets caps.

Are you printing the invites yourself?

Re: Invitation wording

IMHO there are too many names and it doesn't make sense. If you are saying together with our parents, you shouldn't list your parents names, just yours.

Just my honest opinion.

Edited to add:

Every line should be capitalized on an invitation...so yes indeedy!

Re: Invitation wording

I agree with Mistyeyed.

Re: Invitation wording

JenHos

We are using an online order company

I agree that its all too long, with too many names but he REALLY wants the parents names on it

Re: Invitation wording

Fi and I had the same dilemma, we are paying for a lot of it, but with a little help from our parents. We decided to bite the bullet and have both our parents names on the invite instead of together with...

Would you really mind having just their names? Here is how mine reads:

Mr. and Mrs. Blank
Mr. and Mrs. Blank Blank
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their children
Blank Blank
and Blank Blank
Saturday the thirty first of May
two thousand and three
a half-past six in the evening
and so on...

There is no 'and' between our parents names, so as to avoid repetition when we have the 'and' between our names. I worked closely with my invitation person and discussed all the correct grammar! It also indicates that both contributed.

Re: Invitation wording

I agree with Misty. And Im not sure but I think its grammatically incorrect as well.

a) Either use 'together with our parents' or list the names - not both

b) I dont like this phrasing 'we, bride and groom' - the we seems odd and too informal.

Re: Invitation wording

Mistyeyed
I like yours, it just sounds simpler, but please keep the opinions coming

Re: Invitation wording

I'd say go with Misty's also ... is the most straightforward way of saying what you need to.

Re: Invitation wording

I would not write
Together with our parents
and
the parents names. I would do either one or the other.

Re: Invitation wording

I also think it is too wordy. If you really want to go with the 'Together with their parents' route and list their names how about something like this:

Together with their parents,
Brides parents
and
Grooms parents,
bride
and
groom
Invite you to share in the joy
As they exchange wedding vows
Sunday, the twenty fifth day of May, 2003
At four o'clock in the afternoon.
Location

Reception Immediately Following

The one-line 'we' was the part that really got me. This keeps the same, but cuts that out so it flows better.

JMO

Re: Invitation wording

thank you - more opinions please.

Re: Invitation wording

I think the original is too wordy also.
Well, you have 2 ways to go. With or w/o parents name, but that is up to you.

How about with names like Misty phrased it.

Or w/o names like
Together with our Parents,
Brides name
and
Grooms name

Re: Invitation wording

I don't think it's to wordy. I think it's fine. I looked in one of my invite catalogs & there was just a slight difference:

Together with our parents,
Brides parents
and
grooms parents
we,
bride
and
groom
Invite you to share in our joy
when we exchange wedding vows
on Sunday, the twenty-fifth day of May
two thousand three
At four o'clock in the afternoon.
Location

Reception Immediately Following

Hope it helps!

Re: Invitation wording

thanks tracy