invitation wording and family drama- please help

Please help- due to my complicated family circumstances and my father not currently paying anything (mom and stepmom are paying, stepmom is divorced from my dad) i wanted to have the invitation read 'the families of' but FH's parents really want their names on there since they are paying a significant portion. They also don't want my dad's name on there, although my family is ok with my dad's name on there. following this? Here is our compromise. Please tell me if it looks silly or other ideas!

The family of (my full name)
together with
Dr. and Mrs. (FH dad's first and last name)
Request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of

(my first and middle name)
and
(FH first and middle name)

Sunday, the twenty-fourth of May
Two thousand and nine
at six-thirty in the evening
Place
Town, New York

An alternative here would be to have 'the bride' instead of my full name in the top line but I think that may look funny?

i think that sounds perfectly fine...

if thats going to avoid the drama andmake everyone happy (INCLUDING YOU) then that doesnt look bad at all

just make sure ur ok w/not having ur dads name on it....but since ur mom and stepmom both helped out, 'the family' would be more appropriate anyway cuz u can't start writing so many names, Mr. and Mrs. and Mrs.... u kno?

so i think thats perfect

edited for spelling

this is a difficult situation. I tried to come up with different ideas but none of them worked.

I was thikning if you could do something like..

(your name)
daughter of
(your moms name and ur dad's name)

i dunno.

I think if you want to have your dad's name on the invitation then have it, it's not ur FH's families decision on that one.

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Posted by Espo22

his family is telling you that you cant have your dads name on it? honestly i dont think its their place to do that, even if they are helping to pay for the wedding. He is still your father and you should do what you feel is best, it is your wedding in the end and they should stay out of your family matters.

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I agree with this is well.

I think you can just write

your name Daughter of and state your step mother and mothers name or keep it as the last name family.

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Posted by sjNY

Thanks everyone- this is helpful. Please keep responses coming! FH's parents feel that since they are paying they want that acknowledged, and don't want someone's name who is not paying to look like they are... they are older and old-fashioned and i don't know how to get them to see it any other way. i want to make everyone happy but it is not possible...

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I am sorry, but I do not think being older and/or old-fashioned is an excuse for this type of behavior. If his family wants to pay for the wedding, it should be for no other reason than that they truly want to help their children - not to look good to their friends, and not to make anyone else feel less important then them. JMHO, but I think you really need to stand your ground on this one, and either include everyones names, or none on your invitations. You do not want to begin your marriage with his family thinking they are somehow above yours. I am sorry you have been put in this situation, but if they are trying to use their help to exert control over the way you, then maybe it would be worth it to not accept their financial assistance.

I think that wording is fine. Honestly.. when it comes to families it is hard to make everyone happy.

Good Luck!

My family paid for our wedding, as tradition holds in Indian culture. But we still had DH's parents name on the invitation because they are his parents. They didn't contribute to the wedding but they raised him, paid for his education and love him. I think that's enough reason to acknowledge them at his wedding. But he still has a close relationship with them. Myabe things would've been different if his father was behaving like your father. Who knows.

I think you and your FH should do what you want. His parents certainly shouldn't have a say on what goes on in your family life with your parents.

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Posted by pa56

My family paid for our wedding, as tradition holds in Indian culture. But we still had DH's parents name on the invitation because they are his parents. They didn't contribute to the wedding but they raised him, paid for his education and love him. I think that's enough reason to acknowledge them at his wedding. But he still has a close relationship with them. Myabe things would've been different if his father was behaving like your father. Who knows.

I think you and your FH should do what you want. His parents certainly shouldn't have a say on what goes on in your family life with your parents.

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Were his parents on there as the people inviting or requesting the honor of the presence of... or were they on there in a dif place on the invite?

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Posted by sjNY

Were his parents on there as the people inviting or requesting the honor of the presence of... or were they on there in a dif place on the invite?

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Yes, they were on there as doing the inviting along with my parents. The RSVP envelopes went to my parents only though.

This is our wording:


Jane and John Smith
together with
Michael and Susan Brown

Request the honor of your presence
at the wedding ceremony of their children

Me
&
DH

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Posted by MikeandJess

we made our invitations. My parents helped us a little but but DH's parents didn't help us at all. We made 2 separate invitations. The invites going to my family and friends had my parents name on it and the invites going to DH's family said 'together with our families'. It was genius.

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wow- that is genius! did your families know you were doing this or only the two of you?

wow this all sounds complicated. i have my mom stepmom and dad paying and FH's family is not paying for anything. so i havent even begun to think about the invites. now i know what i have to look forward to!

i think you should write what YOU and FH want. I understand you want to compromise and respect everyone's wishes, and i dont know about your relationship with him but your dad's your dad . Also whether they're paying or not, you wouldnt be where you are today without your parents.

i think it's fine the way it is

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Posted by JACK808

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Posted by sjNY

Thanks everyone- this is helpful. Please keep responses coming! FH's parents feel that since they are paying they want that acknowledged, and don't want someone's name who is not paying to look like they are... they are older and old-fashioned and i don't know how to get them to see it any other way. i want to make everyone happy but it is not possible...

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I am sorry, but I do not think being older and/or old-fashioned is an excuse for this type of behavior. If his family wants to pay for the wedding, it should be for no other reason than that they truly want to help their children - not to look good to their friends, and not to make anyone else feel less important then them. JMHO, but I think you really need to stand your ground on this one, and either include everyones names, or none on your invitations. You do not want to begin your marriage with his family thinking they are somehow above yours. I am sorry you have been put in this situation, but if they are trying to use their help to exert control over the way you, then maybe it would be worth it to not accept their financial assistance.

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From what I have learned about wedding invites the way to indicate which child's parents paid for the affair is to NOT include the last name of that child on the invite. SO if the bride's parents pay her last name is excluded- If the groom's parents pay his last name is excluded and if you are host both bride and groom should have their entire name printed on the invite.

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Posted by sjNY

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Posted by MikeandJess

we made our invitations. My parents helped us a little but but DH's parents didn't help us at all. We made 2 separate invitations. The invites going to my family and friends had my parents name on it and the invites going to DH's family said 'together with our families'. It was genius.

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wow- that is genius! did your families know you were doing this or only the two of you?

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my mom knew but his parents didn't

I'm not liking that your name is listed twice. It looks awkward and a little too wordy.

Do you want to keep your Dad's name off the invite ?

It could read
Bride and groom
together with their parents
Bride step-dad and mom
Bride dad
and
Groom dad and mom
blah blah blah

Bride's info always comes first, if that ever comes up in discussion.