invitation wording and family drama- please help

Original post by sjNY

Jan 27, 2009 10:45 AM

Please help- due to my complicated family circumstances and my father not currently paying anything (mom and stepmom are paying, stepmom is divorced from my dad) i wanted to have the invitation read 'the families of' but FH's parents really want their names on there since they are paying a significant portion. They also don't want my dad's name on there, although my family is ok with my dad's name on there. following this? Here is our compromise. Please tell me if it looks silly or other ideas!

The family of (my full name)
together with
Dr. and Mrs. (FH dad's first and last name)
Request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of

(my first and middle name)
and
(FH first and middle name)

Sunday, the twenty-fourth of May
Two thousand and nine
at six-thirty in the evening
Place
Town, New York

An alternative here would be to have 'the bride' instead of my full name in the top line but I think that may look funny?

tmarie Posted: Jan 28, 2009 02:18 PM

Re: invitation wording and family drama- please help

I think the wording is fine. I think the family of the bride or
'The (your last name - ex Jones') family' together wtih.., so somehow your dad's last name is represented on the card.
But the way you have it is nice. BUT, If you want your dad's name on it, don't let anyone tell you what to do. Forget about who is paying. Who is presenting you to be married? Do what you want!!

2009Bride2Be Posted: Jan 28, 2009 07:04 PM

Re: invitation wording and family drama- please help

Posted by sjNY

Thanks everyone- this is helpful. Please keep responses coming! FH's parents feel that since they are paying they want that acknowledged, and don't want someone's name who is not paying to look like they are... they are older and old-fashioned and i don't know how to get them to see it any other way. i want to make everyone happy but it is not possible...

I understand you want to make people happy and they may be old fashioned but they cant MAKE YOU do anything you dont want to do... They have NO RIGHT to tell you who to put on YOUR wedding invitation... Dont forget its YOUR WEDDING YOU DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY! The idea that you put parents names on it solely because they paid or contributed is SOOOO OLD SCHOOL, NONE of that matters ANYMORE... You put your father's name on there, he raised you didnt he? Your HIS daughter and this is just as much YOUR wedding as it is your FH, it is NOT your FH's PARENTS wedding... =/

2009Bride2Be Posted: Jan 28, 2009 07:09 PM

Re: invitation wording and family drama- please help

Posted by FutureMrsG

Posted by JACK808

Posted by sjNY

Thanks everyone- this is helpful. Please keep responses coming! FH's parents feel that since they are paying they want that acknowledged, and don't want someone's name who is not paying to look like they are... they are older and old-fashioned and i don't know how to get them to see it any other way. i want to make everyone happy but it is not possible...

I am sorry, but I do not think being older and/or old-fashioned is an excuse for this type of behavior. If his family wants to pay for the wedding, it should be for no other reason than that they truly want to help their children - not to look good to their friends, and not to make anyone else feel less important then them. JMHO, but I think you really need to stand your ground on this one, and either include everyones names, or none on your invitations. You do not want to begin your marriage with his family thinking they are somehow above yours. I am sorry you have been put in this situation, but if they are trying to use their help to exert control over the way you, then maybe it would be worth it to not accept their financial assistance.

From what I have learned about wedding invites the way to indicate which child's parents paid for the affair is to NOT include the last name of that child on the invite. SO if the bride's parents pay her last name is excluded- If the groom's parents pay his last name is excluded and if you are host both bride and groom should have their entire name printed on the invite.

Actually thats not true... The only reason to not include either the bride or grooms last name is beacuse you put the parents name first and since you have the same last name that persons last name does not appear... Like this:

Mr and Mrs Smith request the honor of your presence to the marriage of their daughter
Anne Marie
to
Bradley Brown
son of Marie and Vinny.

its actually nothing to do with paying and again that is a VERY old school thought that you should put the parents who pay...

I put both of our parents names, with both of our last names because I just really liked how the wording flowed. Yes both contributed BUT if one didnt or one did more it wouldnt make a difference to me... I am who I am because of BOTH of my parents and my FH is who he is because of his... We wouldnt be the people we are today without them and its just a point of love and respect to want to represent them in the invitation... NOTHING to do with $$... Thats just MY thought process though... =/