Invite wording, is this TOO much?? - LONG

We are writing our invites and want to do something a little different. Please give me your honest opinion, is this too much??? What should I change? Too many names?? (we are trying to please everyone!) Thanks for your advice!

Also, I found this great poem about April and it has tulips in it (my favorite flower and the flower i'll be using for everything). But, i am not sure about using the whole thing. Right now, the first two verses are in our template, but I am thinking of pulling a few lines out (i am not so sure i like the reference to c*ck (as in poultry )!!

INVITE WORDING:
(poem in smaller font at top)
This I saw on an April day:
Warm rain spilt from a sun-lined cloud,
A sky-flung wave of gold at evening,
And a cock pheasant treading a dusty path
Shy and proud.

And this I found in an April field:
A new white calf in the sun at noon,
A flash of blue in a cool moss bank,
And tips of tulips promising flowers
To a blue-winged loon.

(an excerpt from In April, by James Hearst - credit given on back of invite)

[bride & groom name in larger font]
Joanne xxxx
and
Christopher xxxx
together with their parents
Laura & Joseph xxxx
and
Nancy & James xxxx
invite you to join in their celebration as they exchange vows of love and friendship
Sunday, April 13, 2003
at 3 o’clock at the
Vanderbilt Mansion at Dowling College
in Oakdale, New York

Re: Invite wording, is this TOO much?? - LONG

I LOVE the idea of the April poem. It might be a tad too much for the invite. Can you insert it in your programs somehow. If you're having programs of course!

Re: Invite wording, is this TOO much?? - LONG

Ditto on OctBride03

Re: Invite wording, is this TOO much?? - LONG

Is your invite one or two sided? Meaning is it a post card or a folded card?
If its a postcard style invite, you may not have enough space to pring all of this in a reasonably large font. That would be my worry, not the wordiness by lack of space.

Re: Invite wording, is this TOO much?? - LONG

I don't think it's too much. It's actually nice and unusual. I might try to trim down the poem a bit. It might make sense just to leave in the stuff about the April day and not the April field.

Everything depends on the style of invite you use, though. If you use one of those square invites, it might be too much. If you use a longer invite, it'll probably fit. The key thing is to see how it will fit on the style of invite you choose. I would definitely leave the parent names in.

Good luck!

Re: Invite wording, is this TOO much?? - LONG

I love that poem! Its so descriptive, definitly leave it!

Re: Invite wording, is this TOO much?? - LONG

Thanks ladies! A little more description:
our invite is on recycled petal paper with a seed paper (the thick paper that has - don't laugh - wildflower seeds in it so you can plant it!)

We are having a one sided 'skinny' tea-length (the long and thin).

I am thinking about programs (if i have enough time) and would probably put the whole poem in that.

What do you think about just these lines for the invite?:

This I saw on an April day:
Warm rain spilt from a sun-lined cloud,
A sky-flung wave of gold at evening,
...
And tips of tulips promising flowers...


Is that butchering the poem too much??

Re: Invite wording, is this TOO much?? - LONG

I think it's a little long.
If you want to incorporate the poem, maybe you can have it printed on a pastel-y paper (or whatever your colors are and just add it as an insert or something?

I also think that the actual invitation wording could do with a bit of fine tuning.

Re: Invite wording, is this TOO much?? - LONG

THank you! I really need constructive criticism. DO you have any ideas for the wording susans? I have no idea how to properly do this!!

Re: Invite wording, is this TOO much?? - LONG

I agree it may be a little long, but here is a compromise-

Can you have a quote from the poem in the invite and the entire poem in your program?

Re: Invite wording, is this TOO much?? - LONG

Agree that it is a bit long. Can you print it on the back of the tea card invite? We have a poem that I really like as well, its very long though, so we are using it in the program instead; maybe you can do that? If you have your heart set on it, why not print it on nice cardstock and include it w. your invites?

Re: Invite wording, is this TOO much?? - LONG

Actually I really like it the way it is. It is unique and it clearly seems to express your feelings about the day..beautiful piece of literature. The seeds in the paper is neat-o.