Has anyone invited a lot of people, thinking that they wouldn't come and they surprise you and say yes? FH started off his guest list with very few people he thought would actually attend. He and his parents moved here from Poland in 1990 and most of his relatives, with the exception of five or six of his dad's cousins who live on Long Island, are all in Poland or spread through Europe.
Well, this weekend, I got the list from his parents with all of the people they are inviting and the ones who will receive the church card only (to serve as an announcement). The list has 44 addresses, 30 of them are actual invites. Most of them are couples, a few are families of four. FH says that of the 65 or 70 people being invited, we would be lucky if 25-30 attend because of VISAS and the expense of getting here (airfare is expensive in June)
I am worried, though. What happens if people decide they can swing it and we end up with too many people in small room. When I told FH's parents that my parents figured we could all invite 50 people (50 for his parents, 50 for my parents, and 50 for FH and me), his mother told me that they needed to invite all of these people even though they wouldn't be attending.
I also don't understand why we are sending all of the reception info to the people who FH has already said will say no. Isn't this just leaving the door open for them to say yes???
Help!!!
palebride
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Re: Inviting guests who you THINK will not come...
I thought the same thing - but ws too tired to agrue with anyone so I went along with it. My fingers are still crossed hoping for the best!!
xjulietx
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Re: Inviting guests who you THINK will not come...
I guess I should do the same
I am also worried that FH's family will have more people than my family and my parents are paying and will probably not be happy about that, because they have cut back.
september2004
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Re: Inviting guests who you THINK will not come...
We have about 25 people from Italy who will 'not come' according to FMIL. The only reason I am okay with this is because my FSIL got married last year and the same group did not attend. My FMIL wants to send the invites out of respect and I can understand that. Initially I was apprehensive, but witnessing what happened with my FSIL I now don't feel as stressed.
We are shooting for ~100 guests and currently have 178 on the list. 1/2 of them are OOT. I was thinking of sending out 150, but if we 'know' from the start a certain amount will not attend we may just send all and whatever happens, happens...
kgermano
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Re: Inviting guests who you THINK will not come...
I am sending invites to all of my moms cousins, many of which I am pretty sure will not attend b/c they are out of state. But I guess it's not nice to not send an invite even if your fairly certain they won't come.
btrflygrl
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Re: Inviting guests who you THINK will not come...
WE invited close to 200...some that we thought WOULD come aren't and now I'm barely making the guarantee!!! ACCKKKK!!! we thought we'd have around 150-160, it's around 135 right now!
drewsgirl
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Re: Inviting guests who you THINK will not come...
I have a few of them from FFIL that he swears won't come but have to invite for whatever reason - I am hoping he is right because my number of guests is getting out of control. My parents who are helping as much as they can have taken people off of their list for these people just incase they said yes - but not for nothing fh parents havent given us a dime for the wedding which is fine but I hate that I have to take people off my parents list for these 'no shows' because i am worried about amount of people being invited..ok that was my little vent
xjulietx
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Re: Inviting guests who you THINK will not come...
I guess I am just wondering why we are sending all of the reception cards. If you KNOW these people will not attend, just send them the main church card of the invitation and leave the other stuff out
babybride
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Re: Inviting guests who you THINK will not come...
I have the same thing. When we did the final list I almost gave FI a heart attack. We are at 344 for the final count of guests invited. But I know for a fact the older aunts and uncles from overseas will not come. My younger cousins yes, but the others are too old for the flight. So when I do the math of taking them out and then the 20% rule - that leaves 230 attending. Or so I hope. Your FI probably can get a good feel and knows his relatives. We figured it out from phone conversations we had with them. Although FI doesn't believe me and my parents, but I know which ones may take the trip and which ones won't and we are just sending the inviteout of respect.
september2004
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Re: Inviting guests who you THINK will not come...
Posted by xjulietx
I guess I am just wondering why we are sending all of the reception cards. If you KNOW these people will not attend, just send them the main church card of the invitation and leave the other stuff out
my answer to that would be that technically you don't really 'know', so you give them the option of declining rather than making an assumption...
xjulietx
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Re: Inviting guests who you THINK will not come...
But if we really don't know, then shouldn't we cut off the list at some point? If my parents can only invite 50, then why can his parents invite 70 and take that chance?
In the end, I feel like FH and I are going to have to compromise the friends who we invite, because our parents have such big lists. I want these invites in the mail SOON, so I can start to know.
september2004
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Re: Inviting guests who you THINK will not come...
Posted by xjulietx
But if we really don't know, then shouldn't we cut off the list at some point? If my parents can only invite 50, then why can his parents invite 70 and take that chance?
In the end, I feel like FH and I are going to have to compromise the friends who we invite, because our parents have such big lists. I want these invites in the mail SOON, so I can start to know.
you need to make a best guess and that is all you can really do. sure you need a cutoff, but i am not counting the 'won't come' as part of the guests my FIL's are inviting. I want things to be even as well so if my parents invite 50 'will comes' and my FIL's invite 50 'will comes' plus 30 'will not' then we are shooting for the same goal.
another option is to send out 2 batches with different response dates. i am toying with this option as well, but most likely will not wind up doing it...
as it stands we have a pretty even breakdown of my side and FH's side friends and family, and that is the way we wanted it. If you want more of your friends and less of your parents friends you should do it that way and set a max for everyone.
it's a pain, i know...
xjulietx
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Re: Inviting guests who you THINK will not come...
I guess what the problem is, is that we are assuming who will and won't come and we really don't know. I guess we should send the International invites first, so we can know ASAP if we have a need for a B list
Jola
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x
prncssrachel
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Re: Inviting guests who you THINK will not come...
I have a very similar situation. JT's family is mainly in Ireland, and his mother SWEARS only like 4 of them will come, but last year all 40 something of them came for his cousin's wedding. My parents only wanted to give his parents 25 people for the reception because they are being completely difficult and are not financially responsible in any way for anything that has to do with this wedding (my parents and JT and I are paying), but I'm really scared that all friggin 40 something people will come. And then that means we have to invite them to the rehearsal dinner too, that JT AND I ALONE are paying for. It's like, they want everything but are contributing nothing. I have a low tolerance for that. ARGH! Ok, sorry, I vented on your venting thread, but I guess all you can do is hope they really don't come.
xjulietx
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Re: Inviting guests who you THINK will not come...
Vent all you want. This thread was started with my frustrations but I love hearing that others are in the same boat.
Oh yeah, I am also worried that FH's Polish relatives are not going to know what to do with the response card. I think he should type a note explaining what it is and what to do with it. I WANT MY RESPONSE CARDS BACK!!!!!
babybride
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Re: Inviting guests who you THINK will not come...
Have your FI write a note. At first I toyed with the idea of having half the invites written in Italian to send over, but then cost wise it would be an insane amount of money to make two sets of my invitations. So my mom wrote a letter in Italian that told them what it was. In reality though I know the older relatives will not send the card back and we will call or just go on the assumption they are not coming. It is very stressful!!!
xjulietx
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Re: Inviting guests who you THINK will not come...
I think I would feel better of FH sends a note. I told him I would like him to do that and he said he would ask his parents if he should. I think he needs to be assertive and just do it. I know if I received a response card in an invitation in a foreign language (i.e. Polish) I wouldn't know which box to check.
Too much stress.
september2004
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Re: Inviting guests who you THINK will not come...
Posted by xjulietx
Vent all you want. This thread was started with my frustrations but I love hearing that others are in the same boat.
Oh yeah, I am also worried that FH's Polish relatives are not going to know what to do with the response card. I think he should type a note explaining what it is and what to do with it. I WANT MY RESPONSE CARDS BACK!!!!!
LOL
I guess it won't help if I told you that the people from Italy did not RSVP for my FSIL and so I expect them to do the same for us
eroxgirl
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Re: Inviting guests who you THINK will not come...
Oh goodness notes too?!? Thank God my overseas relatives speak English!! (they're in Australia)
I went through this too...and still am! My mother CONTINUES to add my ancient relatives to the list with the promise that they won't come but I know these people - one plans to come to NY and then they all follow!
and somehow I'm back up to 173 on my list - even though it was there at first, then I cut it down to 150 and now its back up again! I think I'm going to be sending my extra guests to babybride's wedding...
