Is anyone else . . .

really depressed? I've been in this funk for over a month and I cannot seem to get out of it. I don't know what it is, but I'm not happy. I'm not happy with what I see in the mirror nor am I happy with my life.

I love FH, but I feel like I've become the epitome of what I used to hate. I no longer go to punk shows. I go to bed at 10PM instead of 4AM. I don't dress how I used to. I don't dye my hair funky colors. I haven't gotten a new tattoo in almost 2 years. I took out all my piercings.

I've become boring. I've become fat. I feel ugly, both inside and out.

What is wrong with me?

i don't think you should be depressed about not doing those things. It's just a stage of life you grow out of. you're getting married, you're becoming a grown up. If you really feel like you are missing out you can still go out once in a while, but if you're anything like me you'll feel awful the next day.

i went clubbing and partying til 4am back in the day; sometimes I miss going out dancing but i loooove going to bed early, snuggling with fh and watching a movie. to me it's just a transition into a different phase of my life.

don't be depressed! these aren't bad things!

I am so sorry you are feeling like this!

I think its the winter blues. Its the worst and i think everyone experiences it to different levels.

It will get better!

Maybe you need to go get a tattoo to feel better!


edit to add:


Is there a reason why you dont go out anymore?
I am 23 and i still go out everyweekend with all our friends until late?..We make it so we get to hang out with all our friends every weekend..we look forward to it all week!

Sounds like the big changes are really getting to you.

Maybe you should have a heart to heart with FH or maybe find a therapist.

How come you dont dye your hair or dress the way you used to?

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I think your life is changing in a big way and you're missing part of your former life. You're probably seeing that as the 'real' you missing.

We all change as we move on in life. By 24 I was tired of going out to bard/clubs etc. I had done it so much it didn't call to me anymore.

Now we're all going to experience depression, anxiety and even panic about this life change because it such a huge event in our lives. Don't feel like you are alone. I know just this weekend I felt like my world was cming down around me and I was unhappy...but then i started focusing on all the things that I was hapy with and that lifted my spirits.

HTH

---

Posted by JoeJo

I am so sorry you are feeling like this!

I think its the winter blues. Its the worst and i think everyone experiences it to different levels.

It will get better!

Maybe you need to go get a tattoo to feel better!


edit to add:


Is there a reason why you dont go out anymore?
I am 23 and i still go out everyweekend with all our friends until late?..We make it so we get to hang out with all our friends every weekend..we look forward to it all week!

---

I feel like a fraud when I'm there. I feel like I'm pretending. Plus, when I used to go I was the drummer's girlfriend or there to hang out with my friend's in the band.

nothing is wrong with you. I am glad you posted this, I almost posted this the other day. I am in a real rut. I cry daily. I dont feel pretty. I have no desire for anything. Almost like a zombie.

I think wedding planning and all the changes are taking a tolll.. Whens the last time you did something for you and SOLELY you? Someting that pleases and soothes you. Soothe being the key word there.

I have experienced a lack of interest in anything other the past few months. I feel like a drone, but there is a lot going on right now - theres a ton of changes and alot of pressure and emoition into planning a wedding, so alot of things have been put on the back burner.

Is there more you can talk about? Something more you might want to get off your chest? You can FM me anytime!

Remeber that you are not alone in this. Take time for yourself. You are undergoing a lot of changes, but thats life and it comes with the wedding process

---

Posted by soon2bmrsconnolly

Sounds like the big changes are really getting to you.

Maybe you should have a heart to heart with FH or maybe find a therapist.

How come you dont dye your hair or dress the way you used to?

---

I'm a teacher, nontenured, so I cannot dye my hair bright red anymore.

I grew too fat for all my rockabilly dresses.

---

Posted by dannisayz

Even if you're 24?

---

you're still young---but sometimes you grow out of things a little bit so that you can start moving into the next chapter in your life. i know it seems crappy not going out and partying punk rock style---like you used to--but honestly i bet if you started doing that again....you'd probably realize 'wow--i don't have the energy/desire for this anymore like i used to'

i partied like CRAZY from about 19--22 maybe 23. that was nearly 4 years straight of me doing my thing and rocking out and stuff. when i met my DH and started calming down. by about your age i was realizing i needed to chill out--didn't go out until 6 am anymore....steady job....monogamous relationship. and i had those 'w tf is wrong with me!! i should be partying!' when i did go out--and party like i used to...i realized...wow this isn't all that great anymore..i kind of have outgrown it'

it doesn't mean you have to feel old! just try new things! i've discovered that going out to a club/rave isn't great to me anymore---but meeting up with friends at a local bar and talking and laughing is great! inviting friends over for dinner and drinks.....is such a nice relaxing fun time.

trust me--this 'rut' feeling you're having--will pass. its okay to feel it though.

I've been in a funk too. Just like you. Don't go out like I used to. Don't see my friends anymore. I too haven't gotten a tattoo in over a year! I find myself ALWAYS tired, even when I know I'm NOT tired. Or I'm ALWAYS bored with EVERYTHING. I have been loosing weight, but I still feel gross. And I lost over 30lbs! It's like someone took the fun me out, and put the boring me there instead. Don't know whats wrong with me.. But FH says I have to go to the doc because he don't like me this way.. I'm TOO quiet.

Don't most guys want girls to shut the f up?

I'm glad we're not alone, at least!! Maybe us girls should go out for drinks, get tattoos, and dye our hair!!!

---

Posted by soon2bmrsconnolly

Sounds like the big changes are really getting to you.

Maybe you should have a heart to heart with FH or maybe find a therapist.

How come you dont dye your hair or dress the way you used to?

---

I agree, maybe you can talk to FH and you guys can make it a point to start going out and having fun like you used to? I know that we also get caught up really easily in every day life and in work and sometimes before I know it a week or two has gone by without us going out or seeing our friends, so we try to make sure to make plans as frequently as possible.

its normal to feel down to an extent, but if you feel like it starts to interfere with how you function every day...then maybe you can talk to someone.

---

Posted by madseason

nothing is wrong with you. I am glad you posted this, I almost posted this the other day. I am in a real rut. I cry daily. I dont feel pretty. I have no desire for anything. Almost like a zombie.

I think wedding planning and all the changes are taking a tolll.. Whens the last time you did something for you and SOLELY you? Someting that pleases and soothes you. Soothe being the key word there.

I have experienced a lack of interest in anything other the past few months. I feel like a drone, but there is a lot going on right now - theres a ton of changes and alot of pressure and emoition into planning a wedding, so alot of things have been put on the back burner.

Is there more you can talk about? Something more you might want to get off your chest? You can FM me anytime!

Remeber that you are not alone in this. Take time for yourself. You are undergoing a lot of changes, but thats life and it comes with the wedding process

---

I think what bothers me most is that I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I don't feel pretty at all. I never really did, but I knew I was thin. I'm not anymore. No matter how hard I try, I cannot do it. I was on South Beach for 2 months and I lost 15 lbs and then that was it. I went into month 3 and lost nothing. So, I gave up.

I look at food and I hate it. I don't really eat much anyway. FH is in class tonight till 8 and I probably won't eat dinner. I haven't had anything but coffee today. I'm not hungry. I know if I eat, I'll just get fatter. I know I'll never be 87lbs again. I know I'll never be 100lbs again. Heck, if I were 120lbs, I'd be happy, but I know that will never happen.

I come on here and I look at the postings of everyone's B-pics and I get more depressed. I wanted to do these for FH, but I think, why bother? I'll just look like a fat chick trying to be sexy. And then I cry.

I look at my best friend and I envy her life. She spent 3 months traveling last summer. I had to stay home. I love FH, but I'd love to just pick up and go away for 3 months with my best friend and not think twice about it. But I can't.

I feel like I'm missing out on being young. FH is 7 1/2 years older than I am. He's gotten to do so much already and I feel like I'm never going to do any of it.

ah your at the point of growing up - it happened to me and it does suck when you transition.

I use to have multi colored hair, piercings galor, dressed up everyday like i had to wear something dif. otherwise i wouldn't be good enough to deserve a label of goth/punk or just freak. Then slowly i started to wear jeans, then regular shirts, then i stopped coloring my hair and my last bit of the old me went last year when all piercings on my face and body (outside of ears) were taken out. I stopped going out to shows every week, stop hanging out with the NYDM crew years ago. No longer in the loop with any happenings in the club scene. etc.

I still listen to the music, kept my true friends, still wear band shirts on occasion, still go to a show when its a really good band or show put together so that i don't have to rely on hanging outside with cigs all night or slamming shots to releave the boredom. But i look normal - to what i use to be.

There are times you are going to go back and dress up a bit maybe get some ink done but in the end you will realize you feel stupid being older dressing like that. You realize that a job is more important then some stupid pink hair coloring or some stupid tutu with skulls on it. You realize that you can be different and true to your scene but you don't need to wear it as a badge of honor daily.

Your an adult and welcome the wonderful world of marriage, staying in on the weekends because its not worth spending the money, chillen with your close friends instead of going to a show and AND having a real job not one in the mall or in a music shop but a job that pays you enough to get married.

BUT if your hiding away in a wasteland and don't ever wanna go out even when given the money or chance, you only want to stuff your face because you hate this transition then your depressed. You have to realize that you have to do this - its more important then anything. You will still be you just don't have to be all out there like some annoying horrible drag queen on crack. Your just a great special freaky gal just more on the inside now.

---

Posted by dannisayz

I think what bothers me most is that I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I don't feel pretty at all. I never really did, but I knew I was thin. I'm not anymore. No matter how hard I try, I cannot do it. I was on South Beach for 2 months and I lost 15 lbs and then that was it. I went into month 3 and lost nothing. So, I gave up.

I look at food and I hate it. I don't really eat much anyway. FH is in class tonight till 8 and I probably won't eat dinner. I haven't had anything but coffee today. I'm not hungry. I know if I eat, I'll just get fatter. I know I'll never be 87lbs again. I know I'll never be 100lbs again. Heck, if I were 120lbs, I'd be happy, but I know that will never happen.

I come on here and I look at the postings of everyone's B-pics and I get more depressed. I wanted to do these for FH, but I think, why bother? I'll just look like a fat chick trying to be sexy. And then I cry.

I look at my best friend and I envy her life. She spent 3 months traveling last summer. I had to stay home. I love FH, but I'd love to just pick up and go away for 3 months with my best friend and not think twice about it. But I can't.

I feel like I'm missing out on being young. FH is 7 1/2 years older than I am. He's gotten to do so much already and I feel like I'm never going to do any of it.

---

it seems like you might need to talk with a professional----maybe a therapist and get some of this stuff off your chest in a healthy environment. its natural to feel like you are 'missing out' a little bit when you are seeing your other friends doing things you want to do. but your self-image issues might start leading you into a clinical depression--and you definitely don't want that! have you talked to your FH about this? i think you should express your feelings to him about things. maybe you need a vacay away with your GFs and stuff.

as for feeling sexy---i am a VERY plus sized girl.....so i know how you can feel. but sexiness isn't about size at all--its about how you feel about yourself. which is obviously something that you might need to work on with a therapist. i see the beautiful boudoir photos of so many girls on here--and you know what? more power to anyone who does it!!! i plan on doing them for my DH--and i'm a fattie myself! DH loves me for me.....and your FH loves you for you. but if you don't start feeling any love for yourself....it will affect your relationship.

i hope you can talk with someone!

---

Posted by MJDoc12

---

Posted by dannisayz

I think what bothers me most is that I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I don't feel pretty at all. I never really did, but I knew I was thin. I'm not anymore. No matter how hard I try, I cannot do it. I was on South Beach for 2 months and I lost 15 lbs and then that was it. I went into month 3 and lost nothing. So, I gave up.

I look at food and I hate it. I don't really eat much anyway. FH is in class tonight till 8 and I probably won't eat dinner. I haven't had anything but coffee today. I'm not hungry. I know if I eat, I'll just get fatter. I know I'll never be 87lbs again. I know I'll never be 100lbs again. Heck, if I were 120lbs, I'd be happy, but I know that will never happen.

I come on here and I look at the postings of everyone's B-pics and I get more depressed. I wanted to do these for FH, but I think, why bother? I'll just look like a fat chick trying to be sexy. And then I cry.

I look at my best friend and I envy her life. She spent 3 months traveling last summer. I had to stay home. I love FH, but I'd love to just pick up and go away for 3 months with my best friend and not think twice about it. But I can't.

I feel like I'm missing out on being young. FH is 7 1/2 years older than I am. He's gotten to do so much already and I feel like I'm never going to do any of it.

---

it seems like you might need to talk with a professional----maybe a therapist and get some of this stuff off your chest in a healthy environment. its natural to feel like you are 'missing out' a little bit when you are seeing your other friends doing things you want to do. but your self-image issues might start leading you into a clinical depression--and you definitely don't want that! have you talked to your FH about this? i think you should express your feelings to him about things. maybe you need a vacay away with your GFs and stuff.

as for feeling sexy---i am a VERY plus sized girl.....so i know how you can feel. but sexiness isn't about size at all--its about how you feel about yourself. which is obviously something that you might need to work on with a therapist. i see the beautiful boudoir photos of so many girls on here--and you know what? more power to anyone who does it!!! i plan on doing them for my DH--and i'm a fattie myself! DH loves me for me.....and your FH loves you for you. but if you don't start feeling any love for yourself....it will affect your relationship.

i hope you can talk with someone!

---

I'm already on medication for anxiety and depression, but I do not see anyone for it anymore. I haven't met a therapist I like. None of them seem to be able to understand or help. I've talked to FH about it, but he just doesn't seem to understand. So I'm alone.

---

Posted by dannisayz

---

Posted by madseason

nothing is wrong with you. I am glad you posted this, I almost posted this the other day. I am in a real rut. I cry daily. I dont feel pretty. I have no desire for anything. Almost like a zombie.

I think wedding planning and all the changes are taking a tolll.. Whens the last time you did something for you and SOLELY you? Someting that pleases and soothes you. Soothe being the key word there.

I have experienced a lack of interest in anything other the past few months. I feel like a drone, but there is a lot going on right now - theres a ton of changes and alot of pressure and emoition into planning a wedding, so alot of things have been put on the back burner.

Is there more you can talk about? Something more you might want to get off your chest? You can FM me anytime!

Remeber that you are not alone in this. Take time for yourself. You are undergoing a lot of changes, but thats life and it comes with the wedding process

---

I think what bothers me most is that I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I don't feel pretty at all. I never really did, but I knew I was thin. I'm not anymore. No matter how hard I try, I cannot do it. I was on South Beach for 2 months and I lost 15 lbs and then that was it. I went into month 3 and lost nothing. So, I gave up.

I look at food and I hate it. I don't really eat much anyway. FH is in class tonight till 8 and I probably won't eat dinner. I haven't had anything but coffee today. I'm not hungry. I know if I eat, I'll just get fatter. I know I'll never be 87lbs again. I know I'll never be 100lbs again. Heck, if I were 120lbs, I'd be happy, but I know that will never happen.

I come on here and I look at the postings of everyone's B-pics and I get more depressed. I wanted to do these for FH, but I think, why bother? I'll just look like a fat chick trying to be sexy. And then I cry.

I look at my best friend and I envy her life. She spent 3 months traveling last summer. I had to stay home. I love FH, but I'd love to just pick up and go away for 3 months with my best friend and not think twice about it. But I can't.

I feel like I'm missing out on being young. FH is 7 1/2 years older than I am. He's gotten to do so much already and I feel like I'm never going to do any of it.

---

First things first....Stop looking at everyone else and start looking at the beauty thats inside you! Its there...im positive...its just hidden behind the images of everyone else that you wish you had, but they are just not you!

I can share this with you. I am under 5'3' tall and am over 160lbs. I look like a pear. My arms could take me to higher altitudes then a 747. I am dreading getting a swimsuit for my HM. I have a real distorted relationship with food. It makes me happy. It comforts me. To the point that it makes me sick. I just cant stop. And when the scale climbed I joined Weight Watchers, and even at 2lbs a week, that wasnt cutting it. So before every weight in I would abuse laxatives. I would drink citrate of magnesia straight out of the bottle. I can tell you at riteaid I was 1.79 a bottle and cvs 1.89 a bottle thats how bad my addiction was. It came in lemon lime and cherry flavors. Id drink the 10oz with a straw int he parking lot, throw it out and go home. This went on for over 5 years. When it stopped my weight went up past the 180 mark and I really wanted to just die. I wanted to just go away. My digestive system now doesnt work. It could be a week before i 'go' and it made the depression even worse. Now i screwed up and damaged my body. My best friends are these skinny girls who could be models. But they loved me anyway. They still do. Through therapy I learned to set a healthy boundary around food, and use other things to soothe me and make me happy. I still struggle with this daily. And I know at my wedding I wont be a 120lb like i probably should be, and I cant wear the latest fashions. I live in sweats or jeans and a hooddie. I havent shopped in years. Its all the same clothes.

I look at the girls on here and think wow shes beautiful and I would love to look like her or have Mimas *** or, look like gabbie in her B-pics...but then i would be mima or gabbie. I am lindsay. I am who I am. I am who i make myself to be and im not perfect, and I lovemyself just for that.

And Im sure there are girls here who are extremely thin and beautiful, who have a lot of insecurities that they hold inside and they struggle with too. I wish I had the courage to dye my hair - Its just flat brown.

I asked this before, but you really need to do something for you. WHy dont you go out anymore? Is it the saddness? What changed that stopped you? You mentioned FH has been there and done that...what about doing things without him?

I think you should take a good long hard look at yourself in the mirror. Shoot a smile back at you. Tell yourself you are going to be there for you through all of the growing and all of the scary and uncomfortable changes that are going on. Give yourself a hug. Seriously, do it. Everyone should. Love yourself for who you are, not who you think you should be!

And start doing. Is there something you might like going out to more than what you used to do? Just because you dont do those things anymore doesnt mean there is something wrong. Rather, there is a new and exciting chapter in your life that is opening. Embrace it. Thats what life is all about.

---

Posted by dannisayz


I think what bothers me most is that I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I don't feel pretty at all. I never really did, but I knew I was thin. I'm not anymore. No matter how hard I try, I cannot do it. I was on South Beach for 2 months and I lost 15 lbs and then that was it. I went into month 3 and lost nothing. So, I gave up.

I look at food and I hate it. I don't really eat much anyway. FH is in class tonight till 8 and I probably won't eat dinner. I haven't had anything but coffee today. I'm not hungry. I know if I eat, I'll just get fatter. I know I'll never be 87lbs again. I know I'll never be 100lbs again. Heck, if I were 120lbs, I'd be happy, but I know that will never happen.

I come on here and I look at the postings of everyone's B-pics and I get more depressed. I wanted to do these for FH, but I think, why bother? I'll just look like a fat chick trying to be sexy. And then I cry.

I look at my best friend and I envy her life. She spent 3 months traveling last summer. I had to stay home. I love FH, but I'd love to just pick up and go away for 3 months with my best friend and not think twice about it. But I can't.

I feel like I'm missing out on being young. FH is 7 1/2 years older than I am. He's gotten to do so much already and I feel like I'm never going to do any of it.

---

i agree with MJDOC. I would say try talking to someone about your self image - it's true what they say... you really need to be happy and love yourself before you can love others. we ALL have body image issues... unfortunately that's what society has done to us. I will never be skinny enough in my own eyes. but I still love the person I am and can accept some of my flaws as long as I know that in some ways i'm trying to look/feel better - for me.

i was the same - partied through my mid 20s and when i met fh i was like wow, i SO need to settle down and be normal.. but the most important thing about our relationship and why it works is that i am very independent and we like a lot of different things. he NEVER EVER stops me from doing what I want. If i want to go away with my friends, he is all for it, and vice versa. there are so many couples out there that are totally inseparable and never 'let' their signif other do anything like partying or going out or vacations without them.

it works for some people but if you have regrets now, before you are even married, i would seriously talk to your fh and tell him how you are feeling. you don't want to look back a few years from now and think about what you missed out on. maybe all you need to do is go out here and there and have a little fun... or take a vacation. if you are a teacher, you can take a big trip over the summer!

feel better. we are all here if you need to talk.

---

So I'm alone.

---

No, you're not!