Is anyone else . . .

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Posted by madseason

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Posted by dannisayz

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Posted by madseason

nothing is wrong with you. I am glad you posted this, I almost posted this the other day. I am in a real rut. I cry daily. I dont feel pretty. I have no desire for anything. Almost like a zombie.

I think wedding planning and all the changes are taking a tolll.. Whens the last time you did something for you and SOLELY you? Someting that pleases and soothes you. Soothe being the key word there.

I have experienced a lack of interest in anything other the past few months. I feel like a drone, but there is a lot going on right now - theres a ton of changes and alot of pressure and emoition into planning a wedding, so alot of things have been put on the back burner.

Is there more you can talk about? Something more you might want to get off your chest? You can FM me anytime!

Remeber that you are not alone in this. Take time for yourself. You are undergoing a lot of changes, but thats life and it comes with the wedding process

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I think what bothers me most is that I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I don't feel pretty at all. I never really did, but I knew I was thin. I'm not anymore. No matter how hard I try, I cannot do it. I was on South Beach for 2 months and I lost 15 lbs and then that was it. I went into month 3 and lost nothing. So, I gave up.

I look at food and I hate it. I don't really eat much anyway. FH is in class tonight till 8 and I probably won't eat dinner. I haven't had anything but coffee today. I'm not hungry. I know if I eat, I'll just get fatter. I know I'll never be 87lbs again. I know I'll never be 100lbs again. Heck, if I were 120lbs, I'd be happy, but I know that will never happen.

I come on here and I look at the postings of everyone's B-pics and I get more depressed. I wanted to do these for FH, but I think, why bother? I'll just look like a fat chick trying to be sexy. And then I cry.

I look at my best friend and I envy her life. She spent 3 months traveling last summer. I had to stay home. I love FH, but I'd love to just pick up and go away for 3 months with my best friend and not think twice about it. But I can't.

I feel like I'm missing out on being young. FH is 7 1/2 years older than I am. He's gotten to do so much already and I feel like I'm never going to do any of it.

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First things first....Stop looking at everyone else and start looking at the beauty thats inside you! Its there...im positive...its just hidden behind the images of everyone else that you wish you had, but they are just not you!

I can share this with you. I am under 5'3' tall and am over 160lbs. I look like a pear. My arms could take me to higher altitudes then a 747. I am dreading getting a swimsuit for my HM. I have a real distorted relationship with food. It makes me happy. It comforts me. To the point that it makes me sick. I just cant stop. And when the scale climbed I joined Weight Watchers, and even at 2lbs a week, that wasnt cutting it. So before every weight in I would abuse laxatives. I would drink citrate of magnesia straight out of the bottle. I can tell you at riteaid I was 1.79 a bottle and cvs 1.89 a bottle thats how bad my addiction was. It came in lemon lime and cherry flavors. Id drink the 10oz with a straw int he parking lot, throw it out and go home. This went on for over 5 years. When it stopped my weight went up past the 180 mark and I really wanted to just die. I wanted to just go away. My digestive system now doesnt work. It could be a week before i 'go' and it made the depression even worse. Now i screwed up and damaged my body. My best friends are these skinny girls who could be models. But they loved me anyway. They still do. Through therapy I learned to set a healthy boundary around food, and use other things to soothe me and make me happy. I still struggle with this daily. And I know at my wedding I wont be a 120lb like i probably should be, and I cant wear the latest fashions. I live in sweats or jeans and a hooddie. I havent shopped in years. Its all the same clothes.

I look at the girls on here and think wow shes beautiful and I would love to look like her or have Mimas *** or, look like gabbie in her B-pics...but then i would be mima or gabbie. I am lindsay. I am who I am. I am who i make myself to be and im not perfect, and I lovemyself just for that.

And Im sure there are girls here who are extremely thin and beautiful, who have a lot of insecurities that they hold inside and they struggle with too. I wish I had the courage to dye my hair - Its just flat brown.

I asked this before, but you really need to do something for you. WHy dont you go out anymore? Is it the saddness? What changed that stopped you? You mentioned FH has been there and done that...what about doing things without him?

I think you should take a good long hard look at yourself in the mirror. Shoot a smile back at you. Tell yourself you are going to be there for you through all of the growing and all of the scary and uncomfortable changes that are going on. Give yourself a hug. Seriously, do it. Everyone should. Love yourself for who you are, not who you think you should be!

And start doing. Is there something you might like going out to more than what you used to do? Just because you dont do those things anymore doesnt mean there is something wrong. Rather, there is a new and exciting chapter in your life that is opening. Embrace it. Thats what life is all about.

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You are brilliant. that was awesome.

I don't go out because I'm scared to. It's hard enough just getting out of the house to go to work. I'd rather just sleep all the time. If FH forces me to go out with him, I just get more upset because nothing nice fits me and I just lay in bed and tell him to go alone. Then, when he leaves I cry myself to sleep.

It's easier to stay in and hate myself then to go out and feel like the whole world is looking at me.

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Posted by mathteach

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So I'm alone.

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No, you're not!

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ditto!


like another girl said---its the quarter life crisis---i think you might be feeling it a little harder than most. but seriously---i know i was there a few years ago!!!

my sister would say 'oh i'm going to spain' or 'i'm heading to florida' or wherever---and i'd think 'damnitt i can't just leave for a wknd like i used to--cause i'm in a relationship and planning a wedding!' but trust me--the trade off is WONDERFUL!!

today---there is nothing i love more than sitting on the couch with my DH and watching a movie in our jammies with our cat. do i like going out with friends? sure! but sometimes i see single friends and think 'boy i'm glad i don't have to do that anymore!'

you are not by yourself --- i think if you ask anyone in their late 20's, early 30's they will say that they felt that way too at your age!

I just looked through your pictures and you are a BEAUTIFUL GIRL!!!! I remember looking at your trial pics and was blown away by your hair and makeup!

Please hun - if you ever need to talk, please fm me. email me.. call me. You need support

And I mean it- you are such a beatiful girl

I really hate to hear that you feel that way! Try not to base your happiness on those things and try to focus on the positive aspects of your life...You have to realize that your life will probably never be the way it was, you're moving into a new phase, try to figure out a new way of life that'll make you just as happy as the old! Having phases like this really suck, but you'll get through it! Set a day aside to get all dressed up, get your hair colored and get a new tattoo, you'll be fine!

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Posted by dannisayz

I don't go out because I'm scared to. It's hard enough just getting out of the house to go to work. I'd rather just sleep all the time. If FH forces me to go out with him, I just get more upset because nothing nice fits me and I just lay in bed and tell him to go alone. Then, when he leaves I cry myself to sleep.

It's easier to stay in and hate myself then to go out and feel like the whole world is looking at me.

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I think what everyone has said on here is really wonderful and important for you to hear, but I also think you should probably talk to a professional. It sounds like you might be clinically depressed - and that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with wonky chemicals in your body. No one can diagnose you or help you if that is the case but a professional. Just try to put one foot in front of the other and remember that each step gets you closer to finding a happier place!

aw, i'm so sorry you're feeling this way. it's actually just part of growing up. i was a big (literally) goth chic when i was younger, then you go work in corp america, have new responsibilites, and you realize you can't stay young forever. i miss my piercings, but they were such a small part of who i am. if you think getting another tattoo will make you happy, go for it! i'm getting more ink done next month. that'll always be part of me. honestly, the idea of staying out til 4 am makes me really tired and uninterested! i like going to bed by 11 every night, including weekends. it happens.

and have you seen my bpics?? i love them, but now i think i'm 'the fat chick trying to be sexy' i am not 87 lbs, 100 lbs, 120 lbs, and never will be, and i still took them, and love them. DH loves them because they're me, just who i am!! i actually think they are one of the best things you can do when you're feeling bad about yourself, because then you'll see how really beautiful you are!!! i know it worked for me.

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Posted by dannisayz

I don't go out because I'm scared to. It's hard enough just getting out of the house to go to work. I'd rather just sleep all the time. If FH forces me to go out with him, I just get more upset because nothing nice fits me and I just lay in bed and tell him to go alone. Then, when he leaves I cry myself to sleep.

It's easier to stay in and hate myself then to go out and feel like the whole world is looking at me.

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you shouldnt feel that way - you are a beautiful girl and trust me the whole world is not looking at you! sometimes i feel that way when i go out somewhere and im not dressed nice or my hair is dirty and i dont have make up on and my clothes dont fit or im wearing something i feel ugly in - and im like OMG everyone is going to look at me and be like *** is wrong this girl - but you know what - nobody even notices me so even though we sometimes have that insecurity its really just in our head....maybe you can talk to someone like a therapist to help you through this - the last thing you want to do is end up being stuck inside all the time b/c you are to afraid to go out and ENJOY life - you shouldnt hate yourself there is no reason for it and think of this - you are engaged to be married which means that somebody out there things you are great enough to share a lifetime with

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Posted by mandag

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Posted by dannisayz

I don't go out because I'm scared to. It's hard enough just getting out of the house to go to work. I'd rather just sleep all the time. If FH forces me to go out with him, I just get more upset because nothing nice fits me and I just lay in bed and tell him to go alone. Then, when he leaves I cry myself to sleep.

It's easier to stay in and hate myself then to go out and feel like the whole world is looking at me.

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I think what everyone has said on here is really wonderful and important for you to hear, but I also think you should probably talk to a professional. It sounds like you might be clinically depressed - and that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with wonky chemicals in your body. No one can diagnose you or help you if that is the case but a professional. Just try to put one foot in front of the other and remember that each step gets you closer to finding a happier place!

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I agree.

And I know what you mean about not being able to find a therapist you like. I had a time - when I was 25 or 26, interestingly enough (quarter life crisis!), that I saw a therapist - two, actually, a year apart - and hated both. One answered her phone during sessions!!! And the other just listened, and I wanted her to ask me questions to figure out why I felt the way I did. I stopped going to both within a few sessions. Maybe you can ask around for a good recommendation? Friends, even on here if you don't feel comfortable asking friends?

i have days where i feel insecure, or ugly, pale and gross, or that i wish i had a body like a celebrity, or wish i had big boobs, or wish i didnt have so many scars from biopsies - i mean i could on and on about how i nit pick myself - but i dont have these feelings EVERY day, or ALL the time, and these feelings dont stop me from living my life - it sounds like its stopping you though - and that isnt good, i think you should find someone to talk to that is smarter than us folk on LIW

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Posted by Future Mulligan

i have days where i feel insecure, or ugly, pale and gross, or that i wish i had a body like a celebrity, or wish i had big boobs, or wish i didnt have so many scars from biopsies - i mean i could on and on about how i nit pick myself - but i dont have these feelings EVERY day, or ALL the time, and these feelings dont stop me from living my life - it sounds like its stopping you though - and that isnt good, i think you should find someone to talk to that is smarter than us folk on LIW

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I prefer talking on here . . . I guess that's a bit sad, but I think it's easier.

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Posted by dannisayz

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Posted by Future Mulligan

i have days where i feel insecure, or ugly, pale and gross, or that i wish i had a body like a celebrity, or wish i had big boobs, or wish i didnt have so many scars from biopsies - i mean i could on and on about how i nit pick myself - but i dont have these feelings EVERY day, or ALL the time, and these feelings dont stop me from living my life - it sounds like its stopping you though - and that isnt good, i think you should find someone to talk to that is smarter than us folk on LIW

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I prefer talking on here . . . I guess that's a bit sad, but I think it's easier.

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its not sad - i think alot of us prefer talking on here - i know i do! when you are feeling blah just remember all of us on here that think that your beautiful - and i mean that seriously - we need to get a emote icon for sexy!

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Posted by Future Mulligan

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Posted by dannisayz

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Posted by Future Mulligan

i have days where i feel insecure, or ugly, pale and gross, or that i wish i had a body like a celebrity, or wish i had big boobs, or wish i didnt have so many scars from biopsies - i mean i could on and on about how i nit pick myself - but i dont have these feelings EVERY day, or ALL the time, and these feelings dont stop me from living my life - it sounds like its stopping you though - and that isnt good, i think you should find someone to talk to that is smarter than us folk on LIW

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I prefer talking on here . . . I guess that's a bit sad, but I think it's easier.

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its not sad - i think alot of us prefer talking on here - i know i do! when you are feeling blah just remember all of us on here that think that your beautiful - and i mean that seriously - we need to get a emote icon for sexy!

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Thanks. I just wish I believed it.

If only life were so easy.

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Posted by madseason

nothing is wrong with you. I am glad you posted this, I almost posted this the other day. I am in a real rut. I cry daily. I dont feel pretty. I have no desire for anything. Almost like a zombie.

I think wedding planning and all the changes are taking a tolll.. Whens the last time you did something for you and SOLELY you? Someting that pleases and soothes you. Soothe being the key word there.

I have experienced a lack of interest in anything other the past few months. I feel like a drone, but there is a lot going on right now - theres a ton of changes and alot of pressure and emoition into planning a wedding, so alot of things have been put on the back burner.

Is there more you can talk about? Something more you might want to get off your chest? You can FM me anytime!

Remeber that you are not alone in this. Take time for yourself. You are undergoing a lot of changes, but thats life and it comes with the wedding process

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I can honestly say that I feel the exact same way. I am not who I used to be. Planning this wedding and the changes that are going to happen are stressing. I am not 24 not 34 but there was a time when I went out came home showered and went out to work. At some point your values shift and while you can do those thing you once did the feeling may change. I love going out to bars to watch bands play and dance. But its not the same as it was before. We are all going thru a big change and some of us handle it differently. I know once I am done with planning, running ,doing all this stuff for the perfect day. Life will return to normacy, maybe, not the same as before but it will be ok. Then I hear kids throw your life up in the air again. Its a process. to all the brides feeling down