Is anyone else having problems in the marriage?

Hi all.

I dont want to post under my regular name, but is anyone else having any kind of problems in their marriage? My husband is out alot and we have been fighting constantly. I also cant stand his family. They gave me nothing but grief during the wedding planning. Am I alone? I feel like it

I am sorry that you are going through this. I think that it is normal for a couple to go through this when they move in together!

Have you tried to talk to him? Have you considered couples counseling??

As far as the family I can't offer advice on that one I haven't figured out what to do with his yet!

i dont have any advice yet because i'm not yet married and don't live with my FH either - but I'm sorry that you're so unhappy and i hope you can talk to him and work things out....

Maybe you guys could try counseling. I hope it all works out for you!

Maybe you should go to Marriage Counseling.

When you say he goes out alot, where does he go? With who and why?

Do you live with his family? If not, how are they giving you grief?

We live in our house alone, without inlaws. My inlaw situation was not a cup of tea for me. They made my wedding planning horrible! I cant let alot of my hurt and pain go that they have caused me due to their coldheartedness .

He works crazy hours so I am home alone alot. He also goes out with friends to games alot, plays softball all day on sunday(which is where he is now),etc. We had a bad fight last night and I am asking myself how happy I am. I could go on an don

Sorry you're going though this.
Have you spoken to him about it?
'They' say... the first year of marriage is the hardest, lots of growing pains & adjustments.
Just remember all the reasons you married him & it'll all work out fine. I don't think this is anything out of the ordinary for some people

We went through that for a while - a LONG while - and actually came a hair away from calling it all off. It can get rough, there is a lot of stress (especially if you have a lot of other stresses going on right now too) but it should get better. I think sometimes it doesn't 'sink in' for guys right away. It has only been the past month that things have been really, really good for us - we are less than a month away and now the reality has hit FH, and he is much happier.

Try to hang in there, and seek counceling if you think it will help your situation.

maybe you should take some time for yourself to ease your mind a little.
go and get a manicure/pedicure. go to the library and find some good books. go out to dinner with some friends or family. when he is out, make your time fun and productive. hopefully you will miss eachother when you both get back home.
if he goes out too much, its not right, but guys DO need their 'boy time' such as in playing sports and just going out with the guys. but more than twice a week i would say is pushing it, especially if its every single week regardless of whats going on at home.
hope all goes ok

You girls are such wonderful people! Just to take the time to respond to me means EVERYTHING!

I think I feel sad because I dont know if things are going to be ok He is a horrible communicator which is a problem. I am tired of being alone though.

Why cant you let go of your feeling towards your inlaws (maybe explain what they did?)

Have you told him how you feel?

Anna, it is more than twice a week some weeks. I am always finding myself alone. I have learned to have my own life, which I do, but it is too much.

Jennbaby, they (inlaws) did some things to me that were horrible! It keeps coming up (long story).

I have told him how I feel, but it seems like he only cares about himself and his family.

I dont know what else to say.

He may not feel like there is any problem. I think you should tell him again and see what he says.
If you can't resolve it by talking to him,perhaps he would be willing to go for counseling. If you are unhappy, he should be willing to talk to someone.

I know this is going to sound bad, but when FH was doing that (going out all the time when we were fighting, not telling me where he was going) I would get really upset. I'd cry, kick, scream, the whole nine yards.

Then one day I stopped getting upset. (Well, not getting upset, but I stopped showing it) I didn't say a word about it, I did my own things and just ignored him entirely, sometimes for days. It was like we didn't even live in the same house.

After a couple of days he would be almost begging to talk to me. The first few times it was almost a week, then a couple of days, then less than a day.... Now he thinks before he starts arguments with me, and he gets upset when I'M the one who doesn't want to talk.

I'm not saying it's the right thing to do, but it might give him a bit of a reality check.

And, BTW, I had issues with my FILs for a long time, too.. that is starting to pass now as well.

Sorry you are going thru this
how long have you been married? will your husband go to counseling?

Thanks ladies for your time!

I guess I have major decisions to make.

I know that I am not married yet, but I just wanted to offer my two cents anyway....
I guess my first question would be, did you live together before you were married? Not that it really matters, but having lived with my FH for a year now, I know that the adjustments can be major. I think that some men have a really hard time transitioning. Look at all the things that have changed now that you are married....You and your DH are now a family unit...not you and your parents and he and his parents. You're this brand new family...just the two of you. And I think that it's hard to separate from family and come to start your own family, no matter what type of family you are coming from (good, bad, ect.). You almost have to learn to assume a new role. Just like you are settling in to your new role as a wife, your DH needs to settle in to his new role as a husband, and chances are, no one ever prepared him for that.
I think that with marriage, a certain rate of identity change should take place from the ME to the WE, and I can see how that may be hard for your DH. If he's the kind of guy who goes out with his friends, plays softballl, etc, and that was always the way it was, maybe, in his mind, he doesn't understand why any of that should change. I don't know, just my two cents. I would definitely seek counseling, not because there are problems, but sometimes in our society, transition can be hard, and I don't think we are set up to deal with that. We're bombarded with these blissful images of newly weds, but no one really prepares for the reality of it. It's going to be HARD. I'm not married yet, and I am preparing for it. But something tells me that all the preparing in the world will still not help. You just have to cross each bridge as you come to it, and learn to ask for help when you need it.
Hope all that made sense, and I wish you the best of luck!