Is anyone up?? - Sorry Long vent.......UPDATE below
I can't sleep. My wedding is one week away from today. I'd like to say I can't sleep because I'm so excited, but it's more because I'm stressed and nervous. I still have a bunch of stuff to do, but that's not what's got me all worked up.
My parents are divorced and my father who is pretty much always a source of grief told me suddenly last weekend he couldn't come to the wedding because he didn't have money due to some crap with his job (as usual), so I offer to PAY for him to come to my wedding... when he should actually be giving us a gift! This includes tux rental, hotel, gas and tolls from upstate NY. So whatever, it's important to me that he's there so I will give him the money he needs to be there. However it seems that his main concern was getting money so he could start an LLC and also so he could pay rent to his on again off again crazy girlfriend so she doesn't kick him out. I told him I can only give him money toward the wedding. And he supposedly was fine with that. I shouldn't have to SUPPORT my screwed up father!
SO last night he calls me and we talk for about 20 minutes. He tells me he will definitely be at the wedding no matter what and that he will get the name and number of his tuxedo place so I can call and pay for his tux. The conversation ended well, however he still wasn't sure if he was going to be getting kicked out of his place by his girlfriend, which means he would be living out of his car for who knows how long. He has lived out of his car before. My dad is an alcoholic among other problems![]()
. I am NOT offering for him to come live with me because FH and I do not want to open that door. My dad will just abuse it. He's shown up in my sister's driveway in the middle of the night with no place to go before. I love him, but he's just a huge heartache and headache.
Anyway, so we hang up, things are fine. Less than 5 minutes later he calls me back acting all weird and says, you don't have to spend a dime on me, I'm not gonna wear a tux I'll just come in my old suit. So I said dad, I don't mind renting your tux for you, I want you in a tux, you are the father of the bride and it's the appropriate attire and I want you to look your best. Everyone else in the wedding party is wearing a tux. (plus God knows what this suit looks like).
So he starts in with the mind game, Well if I'm not good enough for you in my suit then that's just too bad and I won't come, I'm not getting the tux. Totally calm (because I've been through this crap with him before) I said, what just happened in the past 5 minutes? Everything was fine, now you are changing your tune, I'm gonna hang up and talk to you tomorrow because this conversation isn't gonna go anywhere tonight. And then HE hangs up on ME.
Him wearing a tux has NOTHING to do with not accepting him the way he is. Geez, all of my siblings and I have always accepted him the way he is, which is a pretty crappy and grief causing person most of the time. Most people who have gone through what we've gone through with him would have said 'screw you dad' long ago.
I'm just so ticked off, upset, and saddened by this whole thing. I fell asleep crying last night AGAIN. I am trying to help him because it's important to me that he's at the wedding but he's just making it more and more difficult. He is so selfish. He has no idea what I am going through right now, how much money we are laying out, how much stress I'm under. All he can think about is himself and 'poor me' and give me guilt trips and head games. I want to ENJOY the last week before my wedding and I feel I can't even do that because I'm worrying about HIM!!!!![]()
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I just needed to vent
My parents are divorced and my father who is pretty much always a source of grief told me suddenly last weekend he couldn't come to the wedding because he didn't have money due to some crap with his job (as usual), so I offer to PAY for him to come to my wedding... when he should actually be giving us a gift! This includes tux rental, hotel, gas and tolls from upstate NY. So whatever, it's important to me that he's there so I will give him the money he needs to be there. However it seems that his main concern was getting money so he could start an LLC and also so he could pay rent to his on again off again crazy girlfriend so she doesn't kick him out. I told him I can only give him money toward the wedding. And he supposedly was fine with that. I shouldn't have to SUPPORT my screwed up father!
SO last night he calls me and we talk for about 20 minutes. He tells me he will definitely be at the wedding no matter what and that he will get the name and number of his tuxedo place so I can call and pay for his tux. The conversation ended well, however he still wasn't sure if he was going to be getting kicked out of his place by his girlfriend, which means he would be living out of his car for who knows how long. He has lived out of his car before. My dad is an alcoholic among other problems
Anyway, so we hang up, things are fine. Less than 5 minutes later he calls me back acting all weird and says, you don't have to spend a dime on me, I'm not gonna wear a tux I'll just come in my old suit. So I said dad, I don't mind renting your tux for you, I want you in a tux, you are the father of the bride and it's the appropriate attire and I want you to look your best. Everyone else in the wedding party is wearing a tux. (plus God knows what this suit looks like).
So he starts in with the mind game, Well if I'm not good enough for you in my suit then that's just too bad and I won't come, I'm not getting the tux. Totally calm (because I've been through this crap with him before) I said, what just happened in the past 5 minutes? Everything was fine, now you are changing your tune, I'm gonna hang up and talk to you tomorrow because this conversation isn't gonna go anywhere tonight. And then HE hangs up on ME.
Him wearing a tux has NOTHING to do with not accepting him the way he is. Geez, all of my siblings and I have always accepted him the way he is, which is a pretty crappy and grief causing person most of the time. Most people who have gone through what we've gone through with him would have said 'screw you dad' long ago.
I'm just so ticked off, upset, and saddened by this whole thing. I fell asleep crying last night AGAIN. I am trying to help him because it's important to me that he's at the wedding but he's just making it more and more difficult. He is so selfish. He has no idea what I am going through right now, how much money we are laying out, how much stress I'm under. All he can think about is himself and 'poor me' and give me guilt trips and head games. I want to ENJOY the last week before my wedding and I feel I can't even do that because I'm worrying about HIM!!!!
I just needed to vent
