Is it asking too much?

I know it’s WAY early to think of this.. but hey….. I’m a quick thinker.

Would it be too hard to convince a photographer to conveniently avoid photos of my mom (stepmother)?

She's not my mother and altho she's been in my life since I was 11 I still find her difficult to be near. I loath her completely. Very few people in this world are worth the effort to hate, but she's one of the very few.

I act as if she's my very best friend when we are together. She cries as if she loves me like one of her own. People see us like two peas of a pod, but the reality is we agreed a long time ago to be civil, end of story. The history is very close to the surface for both of us and it takes very little to get us started.

I wish she'd stay home and NOT come to the wedding at all, but I know that's not possible for a number of reasons.

So.....

I don't want the family photo with her in it. I don't want her in ANY of the photos if I can help it. I realize she's playing the part of Mother of the Bride, but I don't want any formal recongition of that. Insomuch that the invitations say Mr & Mrs. XXX not Dad & Mom XXX.

So.. is it too much to ask. YOu think a photographer can be smooth enough to not offend her yet keep her mostly out of the photos?

I would just take pictures both with and without her .. and when it comes time to pick the pictures for the album... pick the ones shes not in
** Then you also avoid looking rude and dont worry about her making a scene

Tough part is .. I dont want that 'mother putting on the last touch' crap.

I'd rather it be my best friend (MOH)

I want a photo (black & White) of my father and I sitting down holding hands folded on our laps looking down at my engagement ring in solemn thought with the light passing behind us.

My dad is my world. My mother (stepmonster) is just part of the baggage.

I don't want the photographer wasting time, effort, my money or his film on her. Ya, Know?

Those photos I think you could get alone but some of the family ones I think you need to include her and just have one with her and one without her, like the above poster said.

Bridget

Yeah, I agree. Ask the photographer to not take too many with her, but she will end up in a few.
Just don't develop those proofs.

Maybe if you refer to her as 'my father's wife' to your photgrapgher, it will sink in more that she is not really family to you.

This is a hard one, I have this issue too. Unless you tell her not to be in the photos, people will be like - Where's such and such, like your dad, for instance. The group photos she'll probably have to be in, unless you figure out a way to take them when she's not there.

I don't know if it's fair to say to a photographer 'don't take this person.' How would they do that? If it's time for the group shots, whoever hears the call gets in the pic. You can maybe say - I don't want any candids of this person and show them a picture of her, but there'll be however many people at this function they won't know - how do they even recognize one particular person?

I think you should every pose double, one with her and one without her. It ay start unnecessary dramma at your wedding if you don't include her at all but it is defintely doable to not have her in any of your final pics.

Just read your other post and I think you should tell him just that. Anything that says mother you want you MOH/best friedn to do. Good plain english, he should understand.

I agree with soon2bmrsz. TAke a few with her so she thinks tou are making an effort and then don't choose them once the proofs come back. I am sure you can tell the photo guy to avoid her, but you may end up getting some pics of her anyway... JMO---If you really feel strongly about it dont pick the proofs with her in it

I think you shoudl tell your phographer exactly what you said, about the typical mom shots- you'd rather have them with your best freind.
You might want to remiond him/her that day, if you can do so without her knowing.

If your dad won't be offended, you should let him know too, that you are not doing typical mother of the bride shots, and want to have some pictures with just him, because you're closer.

You might want to leave the evil wench part out of it, though. . .

yeah you may have to do some of it just to please your dad.

My stepmother is the same way!! Nice to my face but i know shes jealous of me and talks behind my back! and i was going to put parent names on the invites (birth parents only) and my DAD brought up the fact that she wasn't on it. And i refused to acknowledge her on the invite so i had it worded 'together with their parents'!!

So to not upset your dad you may have to take SOME with her (in group shots only).

you can have one of your friends putting on the final touch..

for my sisters wedding i was the moh and i did that for the pictures...

you can have pictures of just you and your dad..

but to keep peace, you should have some pictures of the whole family with her... your father probably would want one of those framed... but there is no need to put that in your album...
you pick the pictures for the album, so just make sure there is a mixture of ones with and without her, and just pick the ones without her afterwards...

Stupid question.. what group photos is she supposed to be in?

I mean the father of the bride has a role.
The mother does not (in my mind and at my wedding)

What picture types can i expect a LI wedding photo to take of this wench.. err person

See in Texas.. the photos are of the bride/groom and bridal party.. one set each set of parents 9bride with brides' parents and bride with in law reverse for groom) and one set of both families. THATS IT

Total of three necessary photos with her
Dad & I with her
Dad & her with Jim
Dad & her with Jim's parents and us

what am I missing?

I would definitely fill the photographer in on the situation. He will be able to help you if he is aware of your feelings. Of course it's not possible to completely exclude her from all pictures but he going to be able to control thing better is you confide in him. JMO