Is it assumed that....

RPMG26599 Posted: Apr 21, 2009 09:49 AM

Is it assumed that....

The parents of the groom pay for the RD??? Or do we ask them? tell them? or wait for them to mention it?

FH and I would never ask this from them but Im just wondering if all parents of the groom know that its tradition that they do this. FH's sister got married a few years ago but they didnt have the traditional wedding....the wedding was planned in about a month or so. So im not sure if they did this sort of stuff.

Should we plan it assuming we are paying for it?

MarjorieFrank Posted: Apr 21, 2009 09:53 AM

Re: Is it assumed that....

Maybe you can ask FH if his parents are aware or if they are planning something. My FH's parents aren't helping us with the wedding at all ( ) but they know they are supposed to host the RD without us telling/asking. I think it's a traditional thing, so not everyone may know.

08JulyBride Posted: Apr 21, 2009 09:57 AM

Re: Is it assumed that....

we paid for our own.. I didn't want to assume and felt funny asking. We figured to plan on paying for it and if they stepped in it would be a surprise.. but we paid.

I feel it goes along the same lines of assuming the bride's parent's pay for the wedding.. which is very hard to do these days.

Angel06 Posted: Apr 21, 2009 09:58 AM

Re: Is it assumed that....

I don't think anything is assumed, you should have FH clarify. FH and i are paying for are whole wedding, my mom is buying my dress and i had FH talk to hIs dad about paying for rehersal, just so we knew where we stand finacially if he said he couldn't i would of them ask if we could split or something but he said he is ok with it. FH is the first to get married in his family and i know they didn't know about paying. HTH

GinaZ Posted: Apr 21, 2009 10:06 AM

Re: Is it assumed that....

It is the tradition for them to pay, but never assume.

ETA: I think if the brides parents are paying for the wedding, then it is more common for the grooms parents to pay for the RD. If you and your FH are paying for the wedding, maybe the parents could split the RD instead.

EmiNoa628 Posted: Apr 21, 2009 10:11 AM

Re: Is it assumed that....

I didn't know FH parents pay for the RD..

Well now that this is mentioned.. I need to make a phone call!!

drivwal Posted: Apr 21, 2009 10:11 AM

Re: Is it assumed that....

I wouldn't push the issue because that is a traditional thing but nowadays, brides and grooms really pay for stuff themselves. Maybe casually ask your FH if he thinks that they will be able to contribute to the rd?

RPMG26599 Posted: Apr 21, 2009 10:23 AM

Re: Is it assumed that....

So far FH and I have been doing the whole tradional wedding way.....we didnt think it was going to go this way at first until both parents said something after our engagement. FH's parents actually have been helping with all the vendor payments and my parents, the reception. So we have gotten a LOT of help which is very much appreciated. I dont think FH's parents have thought about the RD and not too sure I would ask/assume that they will pay for it because of all the help already.

How much do RD cost anyway?

by the way, Thanks for the help ladies!

Future Mulligan Posted: Apr 21, 2009 10:26 AM

Re: Is it assumed that....

in this day and age i wouldnt assume anything - especially with this economy.....

my ILS did pay for our RD which was really nice of them - but some couples do pay for their own wedding and rehearsals

JAAMS Posted: Apr 21, 2009 11:07 AM

Re: Is it assumed that....

I would DEF not assume anything. I'd talk it over with both sets of parents and see if/what they are contributing to the whole thing. But if you are trying to write out a budget, it would be better to assume that you & FH are paying for it and to cut it out later if you find out that you aren't, then to have to add that expense on.

nquigz Posted: Apr 21, 2009 11:12 AM

Re: Is it assumed that....

Do you really need a RD? FH and I can't afford that.

RPMG26599 Posted: Apr 21, 2009 11:18 AM

Re: Is it assumed that....

The same question was asked on another post today =)

No, I dont think you need one but I reccommend it. You can always do a small one at your home or parents home. It would be a lot cheaper

Lsorrent Posted: Apr 21, 2009 11:26 AM

Re: Is it assumed that....

You could just bring it up in random conversation.......'So....I was thinking about the RD. Wondering if you have any ideas what we should do?'

I was lucky enough that FSIL happened to mention doing the RD at FIL's house, and FMIL was up and ready for the task. She said if that's what I wanted, she would host it and have a catered bbq (which is EXACTLY what FH and I want).

She also mentioned it on Easter saying how she and FFIL are thinking of selling their house, but won't do it until after next year now b/c FH and I want to have the RD there.

MrsCtoB Posted: Apr 21, 2009 11:27 AM

Re: Is it assumed that....

FH and I are hosting the RD ourselves. We think it's a nice thank you to the bridal party and our parents for all the help and time they've contributed to our big day! That is also when we're going to give everybody the timeline for the big day and let everyone know who will be paired with who! Oh, and we will give out the BP gifts at the dinner as well!

Personally, the old traditions from back in the day are just that. Old. You can make your own rules. As my FH always says to me 'it's ur world!' lol

So if you feel comfortable asking your FH's parents then you should, if you think you can swing it yourselves do it! or even if you don't have one, that works also! Nothing is set in stone! It's your world! LOL Hope that was helpful!

jcreilly Posted: Apr 21, 2009 11:30 AM

Re: Is it assumed that....

I would have FH ask them if you have not discussed this with them. they may not relize they have to pay.

20mrsc10 Posted: Apr 21, 2009 11:48 AM

Re: Is it assumed that....

i would have fh ask..its tradition but not assumed

S2BHeNNeSSeY226 Posted: Apr 21, 2009 12:07 PM

Re: Is it assumed that....

i was wondering this same question, because my mom is paying for a lot of the wedding and FH's parents haven't said anything about helping so we don't know how to approach the subject (oh but his parents have helped us BIG recently with moving to our new apartment so we don't want to ask them for anythign they don't offer). i think we are going to assume the responibility for now, plus our RD is on my 25th birthday so maybe it's better we have control and not FIL's...i do hope they decide to help somehow though

Jna2010 Posted: Apr 21, 2009 12:07 PM

Re: Is it assumed that....

its tradition but it all depends on your situation

curiousgeorge Posted: Apr 21, 2009 12:29 PM

Re: Is it assumed that....

Tradition says yes. We didnt want to ask either, and we didnt want tomake a big deal of it. LIke invitations, formal....We just had a laid back BBQ. His uncle offered to make filet mignon, burgers, hotdogs. It was so nice.