Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?
michele31
Posted:
Member since
Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?
DH has told me that he really, really wants to know if we are having a boy or girl. He understands the idea of the surprise but feels that even if the tech tells us during an u/s we will still be surprised by the news. I have told him that I feel it will be more fun to wonder and fight over 2 sets of names His family is in MA so he cannot tell them in person the day of the birth and that is also a factor in his desiree to know- so he can see their reactions. The other is that he knows my family is waiting and waiting for a girl. He feels that he will disappoint them if he comes out of the elevator and has to say 'It's a boy' even though he knows they will be happy, they really want this baby to be a girl. He would rather everyone get used to the idea of it NOT being a girl if it isn't. Is it fair for me to say I don't want us to know? I 100% do NOT want only one of us to know. I feel it is either both or none. Your thoughts?
anna
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?
no thought process required for me, I think the MOM should make the final decision, period. Honestly, in a case such as this one, I think the moms feelings count more, shes more emotional at this time, will be going through much more. He should respect your desire not to know. He shouldnt be so concerned with the rest of the family, and be more concerned for what his wife wants
JustJodi
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?
I think that if 2 ppl cant come to the same decsion about finding out the sex of the baby, then the mom should have the final say. If you feel that strongly about it, just stick to your guns..they will all back off if you stand fim about your choice.
Cira
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?
Leave it up to us women to say that the Mom has the final say! I think I would feel guilty if Rob wanted to know and I didn't, but I agree with you it's either you both know or neither of you know. I don't think it's right if only one of you knows, b/c in a way, it's like you are not going through the whole entire process together (my two cents on that matter). But I think ultimately, if you can't come to an agreement, the husband should have to 'cave' in and side with his pregnant wife - respect her feelings since she is the one who is physically carrying the child.
MichelleW
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?
I agree, if one doesn't want to know then no one should. As far as dissapointing the families, I think they will be ecstatic to welcome a baby into the world no matter what the gender is!!!
michele31
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?
Scott isn't being a jerk about this at all. He just said how he feels and in the end, he knows it is up to me and respects that. I am the one who feels bad that we aren't on the same page.
HeatherandNick
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?
Nick wanted to know really bad. I wanted to be surprised.
We both found out on December 7, 2000
cw0904
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?
I agree with MichelleW. Whatever gender the baby is, both families will be goo goo ga ga over the baby.
IrishTracy
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?
Tell him he has to wait!! When the Dr asked us if we wanted to know. I looked to John & he said do you? I said NO!! So we waited. And it was the BEST decision!! To see the suprise on John's face when the Boy he wanted arrived was the BEST thing ever!!
jennbaby
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?
When the time comes for us, we want to both be suprised the day I give birth.
I feel you both should be surprised together!
What-Now
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?
good question! i think the idea of surprise on the day of is a great one, but i would probably be WAY to curious not to know as soon as!
Teri
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?
Hmmmm, that's a tough one. Hopefully DH and I will be on the same page with this, because who's to say either way?
I don't want to get flamed here, but I feel the man should be apart of the decision too! Not just the woman because she's going through carrying the child. I'd feel too guilty making my DH find out if I wanted to, and he didn't. Again, it's hard for me to say since we have yet to go through this!
Either way, I think both man and woman should agree one way or the other. Hopefully, a compromise somehow can be made.
Jeanene
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?
Boy have my DH and I talked about this one!! Personally, I do not want to know the gender of our baby - I want to be surprised. My DH really wants to know the gender. It will be tough when it comes time
What-Now
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?
Wait, can't the Doctor ONLY tell the parent who wants to know? This way everyone is happy!
Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?
DH and I both want to know (when the time comes) but I posed this question to him...this was his response...
the husband has to deal with the woman being pg for 9 months...hormones...mood swings...'insanity'...the husband should have an equal say in the decision...
just from a male perspective...
but I think you could use the Christmas defense...sure everyone wants to know what they are getting for christmas...but it is most exciting when everyone opens the presents on christmas at the same time
LisaT
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?
I want the surprise, so I'm with you on this one. I think unless BOTH parents want to know, you don't find out (regardless of which parent wants what)
I think Scott's thinking is flawed in his 'let them get used to the idea of a boy now' theory. When the baby is actually HERE, no one's going to have to get used to the sex, they'll just be so excited its a healthy baby. If they know beforehand, they have months to potentially be 'disappointed' (which is really too strong a word) because they have the knowledge and not the excitement of the baby yet.
michele31
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?
In all honesty my family will be a bit disappointed if I have a boy. They will love the baby, of course and be excited but it has been 28 years since a little girl has been born. They are wishing and hoping at this point. But we will probably just wait. But I wanted your opinons to make sure I wasn't being unfair.
Of course, I am not in a room with a women saying 'I know what you are having. Do you want to know too' that could change my mind
Laura
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?
This is a tough one and I have to comment on family reactions-- I have 7 nieces on my side so the pressure is on ( as if we have a say when the time comes) but the sense of disappointment is def there when we find out it is another girl---this of course it doesn't take away from the love, joy, excitement but yes it def is there I asked DH if he would want to know and he said it would make things easier- so i think we will find out and not tell anyone-- but of course we'll see what happens when the time comes
Wendy
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?
I think having the surpise at the end makes the hard work of 9 months of pregnancy and then labor so much more fun. There is always the air of anticipation when you don't know what you are having and you lose that when you find out beforehand.
As for your family, I think it is worse if they know beforehand. At least if they are disappointed, there is the immediate joy of seeing this new little life and knowing that both mommy and baby are healthy. If they find out now and are disappointed, you might spend the rest your pregnancy feeling like you let them down. That would stink!
I also think it should be up to the mom to make the final decision. With all due respect to men everywhere, they do not have a clue what it is really like to be pregnant. If they did they would spend the whole 9 months in bed expecting to be waited on!!
NovemberSue
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?
When it comes time for us to have children, I don't think I would want to know what the baby is. I like the surprise of not knowing until I give birth.
