Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?

Original post by michele31

May 29, 2003 08:27 AM

DH has told me that he really, really wants to know if we are having a boy or girl. He understands the idea of the surprise but feels that even if the tech tells us during an u/s we will still be surprised by the news. I have told him that I feel it will be more fun to wonder and fight over 2 sets of names His family is in MA so he cannot tell them in person the day of the birth and that is also a factor in his desiree to know- so he can see their reactions.
The other is that he knows my family is waiting and waiting for a girl. He feels that he will disappoint them if he comes out of the elevator and has to say 'It's a boy' even though he knows they will be happy, they really want this baby to be a girl. He would rather everyone get used to the idea of it NOT being a girl if it isn't.
Is it fair for me to say I don't want us to know? I 100% do NOT want only one of us to know. I feel it is either both or none.
Your thoughts?

jenny11.9 Posted: May 29, 2003 04:06 PM

Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?

michele, same boat. Chris is insisting yes and I am persisting with my no!. I don't want the exciting question to be - how much does he or she weigh! I want to hear 'It's a Boy'! or 'You have a baby girl!'. It's exciting.....

MarcellaBella Posted: May 29, 2003 04:13 PM

Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?

Michele,

I'm not prego, but it has been discussed and Todd DEF wants to know what it is.. I do NOT want to know.. ESP. not for my 1st baby.. I think it takes away from the surprise, that's just me

he said that he would want to buy the baby stuff.. I just don't want him to know.. he would open his big fat mouth and tell his mother, who would in turn tell everyone,.

So instead, I'm going to brief my dr. and the tech when teh time comes and tell him/her to tell FH that the baby is laying strange or that it's legs are crossed EVERY time lol

NuBride Posted: May 29, 2003 04:21 PM

Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?

Michele, I'm with you on this one, I absolutely VETO'D hubby knowing the sex, I want to be surprised and NO ONE will know until the blessed event happens.

JennRenee Posted: May 29, 2003 04:54 PM

Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?

I agree... either both know or no one knows!
Patrick really wants to find out, but I don't, so we will both wait (although at EVERY sono, he swears he sees a penis ~ even at 8 weeks!!! ).

NIHA Posted: May 29, 2003 07:27 PM

Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?

I think if one of you doesn't want to know, then you shouldn't find out. I agree that it should be your decision, but if you insist on NOT finding out, don't feel bad at all.

Stacey1403 Posted: May 29, 2003 07:56 PM

Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?

This was a big debate at our house!!! I had always stated that I would never find out the sex of our baby!! But Steve wanted to really, really know. As the pregnancy got further along and I had an amnio which gives 100% results of the sex, I was a little curious too I have been so sick and Steve has gone above and beyond with taking care of me and we both really wanted a boy first, so one night Steve and my sister talked me into finding out the sex and I am so happy we did!!!!! I have not regretted my decision for a second! There is still so much we don't know, who he will look like, how much he weighs, his length, etc. Michele it is definitely a decision you should both be sure about, but I do think it is an equal decision no one should have more say over the other

bearsbabe_113 Posted: May 30, 2003 04:30 PM

Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?

I agree that it's either both or none!! And JennRenee, like Patrick, Joe SWEARS he saw a penis when we last had a sonogram also -- not for nothing, I'm lucky I could make out a BABY let alone certain body parts, but whatever. Let the man think what he wants!!!

As for the knowing, I ABSOLUTELY do not want to find out, especially for our first -- I feel that it's anti-climatic the day of the birth, but that's my opinion. Joe didn't want to know at first, but then when he saw how much his mother wanted to know, he started with the 'don't you want to know' crap and I told him that I didn't and how I felt about the whole thing and now he's glad we don't know because it's making it a bit more fun for us to think about what it will be and who it will look like!!

Elizabeth Posted: May 30, 2003 08:36 PM

Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?

It's great that we have this technology but it sure does create some tough decisions. It's absolutely fair of you to feel that way. Of course, like everyone elses comments, mine is just my opinion and experience, you & DH will ultimately decide what's best for you as parents-to-be. I think that whoever has the stronger feelings about knowing/not knowing should be the person who's choice it is. For us, DH wanted to wait so badly. He is such an easy going person, I knew I could get my way if I put a little pressure on. But I realized it meant more to him to be surprised than it did to me to find out and we made the decision early on (sitting in a Red Lobster restaurant LOL) that we would wait. It felt really really good to let him have his way b/c it meant so much. I am thrilled we waited and would do it that way again if we have another, God willing.

BTW, I doubt your DH would be delivering disappointing news to your family if he came out and told them boy, even if they are all dreaming in pink. When your beautiful baby is born, no one will imagine ever having a preference for anything!

HTH. Good luck with whatever you decide
Let us know of course

Claud2001 Posted: May 30, 2003 10:58 PM

Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?

Michele I really think Liz just said everything so well.

But, you know from my experience that I really felt the disappointment of not seeing that look on everyone's faces, similar to what Scott is saying about his family not being at the hospital with you. That's a really, really tough one, b/c there really is no compromise - it's one way or the other - no in between. Good luck.

My other pregnant pal is struggling with this issue too...except she WANTS to know and HE doesn't. He feels that since they had so much scientific intervention just to conceive (IVF), he wants something to remain a surprise. BUt, she feels that since they have the technology available, she would like to find out now, so that she can begin to bond with the child while its in utero, in a more definitive way. I can see both points of view, so I cannot imagine how they will make a decision.

anna Posted: May 30, 2003 11:06 PM

Re: Is it fair to make the decision NOT to find out the baby's sex?

Liz-that was the same with me. John felt stronger about not knowing than, my tiny curiosity to find out. If he wanted to know, he probably would have easily swayed me. I had this little curiosity that I could have been talked into finding out. But most of it was the fact that it meant alot to John, so I didnt mind waiting. I liked the suspense and the imagining either one. I didnt feel really strong either way. Well, okay, I REALLY wanted to be surprised, (I LOVEE surprises, and the whole MAGIC of the moment, but some days I JUST WANTED TO KNOW !!!) I Didnt want to know, but like you said, I went with who had the stronger preference. But if mommy's preference was stronger, maybe we would have found out