Is it FMIL or you and FH that decides . . .

12-3Princess Posted: Jan 27, 2005 02:45 PM

Is it FMIL or you and FH that decides . . .

who sits where on his side of the family?

I would think that would be up to FH and I - but yesterday she made a comment about where SHE was going to put people . . .

Someone let me know how this goes so I know how to react next time? I'm under the impression that we can ask for her opinions and run stuff by her, but that seating is up to US in its entirety.

Jamie&MarkSept.'05 Posted: Jan 27, 2005 02:51 PM

Re: Is it FMIL or you and FH that decides . . .

I think it should be up to you guys...she may be a source for advice as to who knows who, who doesn't get along, etc., but I would think it would be your choice...

But, you could always get her set up and change it to what you want...she won't be the one handing it over to the reception place and I doubt she will notice who is where on the day of... (I am so sneaky!!!)

nylisa Posted: Jan 27, 2005 02:52 PM

Re: Is it FMIL or you and FH that decides . . .

We did it ourselves. MIL told us that she did not want to hear people complaining about their seat to her so we decided to do it.

dpli Posted: Jan 27, 2005 02:53 PM

Re: Is it FMIL or you and FH that decides . . .

She may be aware of people who would not want to be seated together and family drama that you might not know about. I wouldn't mind if she sat her side of the family. That much less for me to do.

12-3Princess Posted: Jan 27, 2005 02:54 PM

Re: Is it FMIL or you and FH that decides . . .

You know, it totally wouldn't bother me if she asked me if she could HELP with the seating . . . But her attitude where she just STATES what SHE will do really is starting to irk me. I mean, I don't see how she thinks she has the right to make demands. Requests, I would have no problem with.

Does anyone else have a problem like this? Am I being to sensitive?

tourist Posted: Jan 27, 2005 02:56 PM

Re: Is it FMIL or you and FH that decides . . .

They only had 2 tables worth of people so it was an easy split- family & friends, but I ran it by her.

It is proabably eaisest to do it your self & let her change or ask for input on certian people.

ckgmwedding Posted: Jan 27, 2005 02:59 PM

Re: Is it FMIL or you and FH that decides . . .

She sounds like my FMIL- I always cringe when she starts off with, 'you know, dear....'
Like, 'you know, dear, you really are too blunt. People aren't going to like you.'
'You know, dear, you really should have a small wedding. I hope its not more than 125 guests...'
'You know, dear' is going to death of me!!!

FrescaBride Posted: Jan 27, 2005 03:01 PM

Re: Is it FMIL or you and FH that decides . . .

I must say that I'm very fortunate that my FMIL and I are very close. It will be up to my FH and I to arrange seating but I think I would want her input for her guests. I think it will benefit everyone as they will be seating with those people they enjoy the most and have a more fun time.

Bunnymonkey Posted: Jan 27, 2005 03:02 PM

Re: Is it FMIL or you and FH that decides . . .

it's annoying yes, but it is her family coming and her son getting married - so she has a teeny bit of a say, i think. At least she is not trying to say where your family will sit!

jesslangen Posted: Jan 27, 2005 03:02 PM

Re: Is it FMIL or you and FH that decides . . .

It is your decision ultimately, unless she is paying for the entire wedding.

But, just so I don't have to deal with it I may just leave it up to fmil

Stacey04 Posted: Jan 27, 2005 03:02 PM

Re: Is it FMIL or you and FH that decides . . .

What we did, which I thought was great. She put her tables together, like who will be sitting with who, and DH and I decided where in the room the table will go.

I could care less if cousin A wants to sit with Aunt D, thats up to her, but I might not want them sitting next to ME. That was more important to us.

Good Luck!

12-3Princess Posted: Jan 27, 2005 03:05 PM

Re: Is it FMIL or you and FH that decides . . .

Posted by jesslangen

It is your decision ultimately, unless she is paying for the entire wedding.

But, just so I don't have to deal with it I may just leave it up to fmil

She's actually not paying for ANY of the wedding day.

Again, you know, I guess it's the way that she assumes it's all up to her that bothers me. B/c if she offered to HELP, I'd have been fine with THAT.

littlebookworm4 Posted: Jan 27, 2005 03:07 PM

Re: Is it FMIL or you and FH that decides . . .

Posted by dpli

She may be aware of people who would not want to be seated together and family drama that you might not know about. I wouldn't mind if she sat her side of the family. That much less for me to do.

You can ask her if there are people who shouldn;t be sitting together but you and your FI should do the actual seating.

pinky424 Posted: Jan 27, 2005 03:08 PM

Re: Is it FMIL or you and FH that decides . . .

Either way works. I am hoping FMIL helps me out b/c I only know about 15 of 120 his mom is inviting.

Laura1976 Posted: Jan 27, 2005 03:11 PM

Re: Is it FMIL or you and FH that decides . . .

I get along really well with FMIL and i'm probably going to need her help to do seating. I don't really know any of FH's extended family and have no idea who is supposed to sit with who.

ktdtlc Posted: Jan 27, 2005 03:11 PM

Re: Is it FMIL or you and FH that decides . . .

Posted by pinky424

Either way works. I am hoping FMIL helps me out b/c I only know about 15 of 120 his mom is inviting.

Thats what happened to me I didn't really know anybody on Fh's side so i didn't want the responsibility of doing the seating I let her do it.

salsbride06 Posted: Jan 27, 2005 03:12 PM

Re: Is it FMIL or you and FH that decides . . .

NO WAY....ITS HOULD BE YOU GUYS.....THAT IS WHY ITS YOUR WEDDING AND YOUR DECISIONS....

jill13bean Posted: Jan 27, 2005 03:17 PM

Re: Is it FMIL or you and FH that decides . . .

Posted by Stacey04

What we did, which I thought was great. She put her tables together, like who will be sitting with who, and DH and I decided where in the room the table will go.

I could care less if cousin A wants to sit with Aunt D, thats up to her, but I might not want them sitting next to ME. That was more important to us.

Good Luck!

YES i would not have it any other way

why would you want the stress....their people sit with their people and yours sit with yours

i find it weird that people would want to seat people they ahve no clue who they are???

suven Posted: Jan 27, 2005 03:17 PM

Re: Is it FMIL or you and FH that decides . . .

I do think that regardless of who is paying for what, your FMIL should at least be able to decide who will sit at HER table.

In retrospect, I kept asking my MIL to tell me who she wanted to sit with...she kept telling me she'd get back to me. Finally, we had an RSVP from one of her friends who didn't know anyone else who was coming to the wedding. So, I told my MIL that I was going to seat this person at her table. She just said, 'sure'.

Finally, I just made up the whole seating chart. Then, *her* in-laws started calling me to tell me where they wanted to sit. So, then I had to rearrange 3 tables. I wish I would have made my MIL do the tables because a lot of other people complained about where they were seated and they started drama over it. Of course, my MIL walked away smelling like a rose because she just kept saying, 'I didn't make ANY of the seating arrangements'

I know you may be offended by her demand, but I think it's *safest* for you to let HER make up the chart. Then, if your FI's family gets mad about something, they can get mad at her and not YOU...