Is it me or is this just RUDE??? [kinda long]

Ok..so FH's brother is his BM..him and his wife live in Indiana. I really like his brother..we don't get to see him enough because he lives in another state but he's a really great guy. I also get along with the wife but I'm not crazy about her. I'm nice to her really just because she's family...
Anyway..FH tells me today that the wife is most likely not coming to our wedding because her and FH's brother can't both afford a plane ticket and since he's the BM, he's the one who has to be there and another reason is that she's a hairdresser and just got a new job and can't take off. I just don't buy that. Isn't a wedding a valid reason to take off???
UM..I'm sorry but they knew about this wedding since July of LAST year. That's over a whole year to save!
I really don't care if she's there or not, because like I said..I don't really care for her, but STILL..I just think that's wrong and it's the principal of it!
Thanks for letting me vent!

Wow I am sorry to hear you are going through this...you can vent away....I have some family members that I know that are already not going to be present at our wedding (immediate family memebers) and at first I was upset and now I look at it as the people that will want to be there will be...and I am going to be blessed for the people that will be present and want to be there for us!

hun i hate to say it but a wedding is not always a valid reason for some people's bosses when they try to get off from work...especially if its going to be a few days...and you said she just started her job so if she asked i'm sure her boss didn't appreciate her trying to get time off from a job she just started...but at least she understands its a big deal and was good enough to say her husband should go without her...some women are evil and say if they can't go no one else should go either..but you never know..maybe she DID try to request off but her boss is just a meanie...at least your FBIL will be there...no worries its really not worth stressing about

---

Posted by kam0813

hun i hate to say it but a wedding is not always a valid reason for some people's bosses when they try to get off from work...especially if its going to be a few days...and you said she just started her job so if she asked i'm sure her boss didn't appreciate her trying to get time off from a job she just started...but at least she understands its a big deal and was good enough to say her husband should go without her...some women are evil and say if they can't go no one else should go either..but you never know..maybe she DID try to request off but her boss is just a meanie...at least your FBIL will be there...no worries its really not worth stressing about

---

I agree, some jobs are really hard to get days off, especially when it's a new position. Perhaps she just didn't feel comfortable asking for a day off so soon to getting the job or maybe she did ask and the manager couldn't honor the request?

It's also possible that they are really tight with money, even though they knew about the wedding in advance. Maybe unexpectedly something else financially came up and they just can't swing the extra cash for two plane tickets.

What's most important is that your FH's brother will be there to share in your day. I wouldn't worry about it too much. I know you said you aren't really close with her, but it didn't seem like you two are at total odds, so it probably isn't anything personal. Don't let it ruin your day!

um...i dont' really see this as rude. if she has a new job--it's not exactly the best thing to say 'By the way, I want off for a wedding.' Not everyone is sympathetic to this, and i'm sure she doesn't want to start her new job off this by rubbing anyone the wrong way. not trying to be mean---but remember your wedding is not everyone's #1 priority.

also--yes they've had 1 yr to save, but perhaps they have $$ issues that they don't feel like disclosing with your FH and you; and money truly is tight. sometimes we think things are nice and green on the other side, and maybe they are not that great financially. i'm sure it's nothing personal against you

i would just be happy that your FH's brother will be there for you!

Don't get offended by you said you didn't really care for her but you are nice bc she's family. Maybe she feels the same way about you and is using the job as an excuse not to go.

as a hairdresser myself... you just dont get 'days off' paid first of all..and secondly if your wedding is on a weekend... it is the worst time in our field to take a whole weekend off. ( i have to lie if i need a saturday off...and its horrible !!).

now that being said....... if it was my husbands brother i would do EVERYTHING i could to be there .

but again if she just started.... it really might be harder than you could imagine to take a few days off unfortunately... but maybe she should have told her new boss when she got hired that she needed those days off.


then again... maybe she feels the way you feel about her.

i wouldnt say rude... but i would say sucky for sure.

xox

As a former frequenter of Indiana (I went to school there for 4 years and still have many friends there) I know that weddings are not as big a deal there as they are here. That doesn't mean a wedding (and marriage) MEANS less to them, but they just aren't as big a production as they are here. While some can be high class, I would say, khaki pants and a tie are relatively 'dressy' for weddings.

Having said that, an out of town wedding wouldn't really be seen as a 'valid' excuse for a lot of bosses. Especially if she just started the job....I know most people who work in a restaurant (I imagine a hairstylist would be similar) would have trouble getting off on weekends, and although a 'request' might be put in, some bosses don't or can't honor them. Sorry, but try not to be too hard on your SIL.

No. It's not rude. It's perfectly valid. Plane tickets are expensive, and being a hairdresser probably doesn't pay all that much.
And taking time off from work, as others have said, can be really hard, especially if it's a new job.

Remeber something - your wedding is important to you and to the people who love you, but only to a very select few will it be absolute number one priority. Things happen that you can't foresee. Gas prices have gone up a lot in the past year, and with them the prices of plane tickets. And heat. And who knows what else. Money is tight for a lot of people. At least her husband will be able to be there, and you said yourself that's what really matters.

Honestly, I would be annoyed and would absolutely think it's rude BUT, after reading some of the other responses, I think they have some valid points about why she may not be attending and it may not necessarily be a reflection on you, the wedding, etc.

Having said that, I just started a new job a month and a half ago-- and in two weeks I am going to Jamaica for a week for SIL's wedding. My travel was already planned and I told them as soon as I was hired. I mean, I work in an entirely different industry so it was not a big deal, I will not miss out on pay, etc., but I was very nervous to ask/let them know about my planned travel.

I would maybe have a talk with them and just let them know how you guys feel-- does FH feel the same way?

---

Posted by randella

Honestly, I would be annoyed and would absolutely think it's rude BUT, after reading some of the other responses, I think they have some valid points about why she may not be attending and it may not necessarily be a reflection on you, the wedding, etc.

Having said that, I just started a new job a month and a half ago-- and in two weeks I am going to Jamaica for a week for SIL's wedding. My travel was already planned and I told them as soon as I was hired. I mean, I work in an entirely different industry so it was not a big deal, I will not miss out on pay, etc., but I was very nervous to ask/let them know about my planned travel.

I would maybe have a talk with them and just let them know how you guys feel-- does FH feel the same way?

---

Even if she did start a new job, our wedding is two months away. The thing that pisses me off most is that she's told me about three times since I've been engaged that she is going to do my hair for me. Now, not being able to have a trial, I hired someone else months ago but she doesn't know that. I was actually going to call her next week to tell her. Now what if I planned on her to really do it??!!
Anyway..FH really doesn't care if she comes b/c he thinks she's an a$$. His whole family dislikes her b/c everytime she does come to visit, her attitude just stinks. I've read all the posts but I really just think the way I feel about her is probably the way she feels about me. The difference is, I would be there for her just because it's the right thing to do. I don't think my wedding is the most important thing in the world by any means, but I have been engaged for over a year and the reasons she's giving just do not seem valid to me.

Now if she promised to do your hair and now can't make the wedding, that's an entirely different story!!!

I'd be really mad!!!