Is it Stupid if....

my shower is in July? like the beginning of July?

i do not want it in July, i would prefer late Sept/Oct but it looks like my Mom is making things difficult for the people planning the shower b/c she has to travel to NY with my sister and my mom wants to do whats most conveinent for her and doesnt really care what i want or what everyone else thinks is better....im not even sure if my mom is contributing to this shower and i think she might be making people uncomfortable because all my mom has to do is show up and she is making things not so easy....my FSIL who is planning the shower asked me what i thought if it was in august and hinted that my mom wanted in august - i told her august was early and i rather it be later but if thats what it has to be then whatever - yesterday FH and i talked and somehow july was brought up - i put two and two together and realized that my sister is still in high school and in florida they go back to school in august and my mom mentioned that my sister is bitching that she wants to come to NY for 4th of july because thats her 'anniversary' with her degenerate boyfriend (who doesnt even treat her like his girlfriend) mind you my sister is only 16. - and knowing my mom she figures she can kill two birds with one stone - i really didnt want my shower 5 months before the wedding FH told me he is a little upest about it all b/c he doesnt like that my mom is being like this and if her coming for just the weekend in sept or october shouldnt be an issue and he'll pay for her plane ticket and that she shouldnt be doing what is the cheapest and easiest for her she should be doing what i want because this is for me not her....ugh im upset about it i guess - i dont mean to sound spoiled, im lucky im even having a shower, but i feel think things with my mom are always dificult...and i already feel guilty about getting married because for her its 'another expense and another trip to ny'



just venting i guess had to get that out....

I don't think there is any set time for when a shower 'should be', but I think you should definately talk to your mom if you feel july is too early and its bugging you..You should have a say also...I hope everything works out

---

Posted by Espo22

Well since your FSIL is planning your shower, have her your tell your mom that the place they want to book they are booked in july or something or say that YOU said you prefer it a little later. And since FSIL is doing it well just have her book it in august or september. Im sure your mom will just deal with it and still come.

---

see the problem is they told my mom when they wanted to do it, i think my FSIL said October - and my mom said what about the weekend of thanksgiving instead and my FMIL and FSIL had a heart attack and said to my mom that that is like a week before the wedding AND its the weekend of thanksgiving and that they cant do that to the guests - and it would be way to hectic - im not even supposed to know about that but FH told me....and my FSIL had a time she wanted it to do it - around 2 months before the wedding and everything thats suggested my Mom says she isnt sure, or she doesnt know, or that she wants to do it when its conveinent for her and all the times she is saying my FSIL and FMIL know that i dont want and they dont want it either....its just not fair to my FSIL - i feel so bad for her - and my FHt told me that its not that FSIL, FMIL and him dont just want to tell her no we are doing this day - because they feel bad and dont want things to become difficult....im not even supposed to know any of this but FH said that if im going to be upset if its really early he doesnt care and he'll make sure its not in the summer....i dont know, i just wish she wasnt making things difficult for people when THEY are the ones stepping up and planning everything when in reality i feel like it should be by mom and its not - and now the people who are nice enough to do this for me have to deal with this crap

---

Posted by Future Mulligan

---

Posted by Espo22

Well since your FSIL is planning your shower, have her your tell your mom that the place they want to book they are booked in july or something or say that YOU said you prefer it a little later. And since FSIL is doing it well just have her book it in august or september. Im sure your mom will just deal with it and still come.

---

see the problem is they told my mom when they wanted to do it, i think my FSIL said October - and my mom said what about the weekend of thanksgiving instead and my FMIL and FSIL had a heart attack and said to my mom that that is like a week before the wedding AND its the weekend of thanksgiving and that they cant do that to the guests - and it would be way to hectic - im not even supposed to know about that but FH told me....and my FSIL had a time she wanted it to do it - around 2 months before the wedding and everything thats suggested my Mom says she isnt sure, or she doesnt know, or that she wants to do it when its conveinent for her and all the times she is saying my FSIL and FMIL know that i dont want and they dont want it either....its just not fair to my FSIL - i feel so bad for her - and my FHt told me that its not that FSIL, FMIL and him dont just want to tell her no we are doing this day - because they feel bad and dont want things to become difficult....im not even supposed to know any of this but FH said that if im going to be upset if its really early he doesnt care and he'll make sure its not in the summer....i dont know, i just wish she wasnt making things difficult for people when THEY are the ones stepping up and planning everything when in reality i feel like it should be by mom and its not - and now the people who are nice enough to do this for me have to deal with this crap

---

can you talk to your mom? not sure if you want to say you know or get involved or maybe have your FH talk to her bc im sure its even more difficult for your FSIL and FMIL to do so. As far as july, ive seen showers that are more than 3 months before the wedding so its not crazy but if you really want it later on and your mom is just being real difficult with all this, tell your FSIL and FMIL to wait on talking to her for a bit and when they call her again to say july is booked at so and so place so cant be done

i have an update i was bs'ing with my other BM before and she said not to worry it will not be in July and it will be when i want it - and thats the only info she would give me im glad i didnt end up mentioning it to my mom!

thanks guys - its not so much about when it is - its was more that the people planning for me were trying to do it when they knew i wanted it and instead of my mom going along with it i was getting the impression she was making it difficult for them and was suggesting doing it when she wanted instead - but i think its all good now

Awww Honey!!! Just another instance of family members doing whatever is best for them and not even thinking of your feelings. I feel for you. That is not right, but I think people would understand since you are not even planning the shower. Its not your fault it is in July.

I have similar issues with my sister and me and my mom feeling like she has to help us both out without taking sides. It is not fair, but it happens. I hope your mom develops some sensitivity that this is not your sister's day and your sister will have other boyfriends I am sure (ones that treat her better at that) and this IS your only shower. So, she should do what you want, even if it does mean an extra trip.

Do you think money is the main issue??? Maybe it would help to offer to pay her way. At any rate, I hope it works out and no matter what, enjoy your shower even if it is a little early. That just means you have more time to enjoy your new presents, write thank you notes, etc.

It's ok to vent and I'm sorry that you're going through this frustrating moment. I know that it will work out for you and it sounds like your FSIL is looking out for what makes you happy. Big hugs. It's always ok to vent on here!!!