IS THERE ONE THING

You&fh disagree w/about the wedding?For us it is a big issue of not having a church wedding,i am catholic&fh is an atheiast,although he was raised lutheran.I wanna marry in a cathholic church & he doesn't want to convert,does he have to Our plans are on hold for the moment thats why we haven't chosen our hall i am very sad about this.I am not trying to change who he is or what he believes i just always wanted a catholic church wedding this wasn't an issue till we started planning please halp ladies

I think he should cave, have you expressed your feelings. I dont mean to jump the gun. But what about kids if you have them. How will they be raised.

Something worth discussing

He doesn't need to be catholic to have a church wedding. You can still have a non-mass ceremony in the church. FH's church was going to let us have a rabbi there too!

Have you thought about going for some couples counseling? Is he willing to meet with your priest? It may help the situation....

Thanks ladies fh is open to raising children catholic,but wont marry in the church it gets better he doesn't believe in counseling,we have been together for 7 years and never really thought about this because we always did our own thing when it came to religion,we are a couple in a sense but also very independent.Why do i feel like im having 2nd thoughts?you would think after 7 years we would of discussed this i feel very laxed in this situation

Allure, many people are against counseling. Fine, but if you raise your kids Catholic he has to go to church, baptism, communion etc.

He can believe what ever he wants, but this is something for you.

Oh sweety I'm so sorry.

Have you two sat down and really discussed it? Or does he just dismiss it? Have you told him the real reasons why a church wedding would mean something to you? Is there a reason why he's so against the church?

we argued about the church. We are both catholic but he wanted to get married in his church and i wanted to get married in my church.

finally we compromised. we are getting married in my church, but will have a preist that did all his sacraments come to my church and do our mass/ceremony.

We realized if we compromise and we meet half way we both get what we want.

well said Chip.
'
Compromise, the key to a successful marriage.
'
'Good luck allure, dont get down it will work out.

FH and I have had the same argument...we are both catholic but he wants no part of the church. We fought about that before we got engaged, we fought about it after and by now, I've decided to be the one to cave...only because it is the ONLY way we could compromise...he also wanted to elope, and that's just not gonna happen! We plan on getting married at the hall. Believe me, I can understand how upset you must be - this was a very difficult decision for me too! Good luck!

You can still get married in church even if he is atheist - he does NOT have to convert at all.

If you want to raise your children Catholic, he does NOT have to go to church, communion, etc... with you. Besides, he was brought up Lutheran, and anyone who is not Catholic is not permitted to receive communion in a Catholic church.

You will, however, have to go through pre-cana. That is something the church will not compromise. I say talk to your FH about it and see what he says. Maybe make an appointment with the parish priest so that you can all sit down and talk about what you will have to do to get married, and then maybe decide if you want a church wedding, or get married in the hall.

I used to work in a Catholic church, so I used to deal with these questions every now and again.

Good luck!

allure - I'm in the same boat as you. FI was raised Catholic (baptism, communion, etc), but dislikes the Catholich church big-time!!!!!! He was kinda ok with the idea of getting married in the church, but freaked when we met with the priest - the priest was very hard-core about having God at the wedding, very pro-mass as opposed to a ceremony (we always said we just wanted the ceremony). FI was also ok with the whole pre-cana idea, but once again flipped out when part of pre-cana is a regular Sunday mass that all the couples attend.

Bottom line - we both want kids and he wants to raise them Catholic - that requires a commitment from BOTH of us!!! I certainly don't expect him to go to mass every Sunday, but I certainly do expect him to be heavily involved in the religious education of our future children - and getting married in the Church and doing all the prep work is part of it.

Sorry to ramble - but I know where you're coming from!!!!! Stay strong!!! Best wishes!

I'm Jewish and FH is Catholic. I would have loved to be married in a church except I thought I couldn't, so we're getting married at the hall. I think a Church ceremony is so beautiful. Since he didn't do any research on it, we agreed to a hall.

We had the discussion ogf how we'll raise our kids too. That's a tough one but you have to make an agreement / compromise prior to getting married. I think it's extremely important. It may cause huge problems once you have kids. At least that's what I've been told (since I'm not married and have no kids). MY FH is more religious, so I agreed to do that the kids could have a christening and all those things. But we also agreed that for the respect of my family, we'll celebrate the jewish holidays/ceremonies as well. I don't think we'll have a bar/bat mitzvah but we'll introduce both religions.

The only thing we are in disagreement about is whether to have a band or dj. I want a band, he wants a dj.

This issue goes way beyond the church. You have to get together and decide what the future holds for you and your husband in regards to religion and, if you want children, what they will be raised as. Also, how much is your FH going to be involved in their baptism, communion, etc.

Is this going to be an on-going battle? Or can you both compromise? In my opinion, if someone has a strong feeling about something, the other should be there right behind them.

Thanks ladies but i guess our issues go way behond religion if we are only discussing this now after seven years i feel like giving him am ultimatum but i know he would hate that maybe we aren't ready but i feel we will never be please help

yeah, the amount of money we are spending

I understand because we are in the same boat. I am catholic, and FH was raised lutheran-presbiterian but he does not believe in the church, nor consulling. Well, I think that if for my FH to have a church wedding did not have any meaning, why to try to push on that? I don't want to convert him, I met him like he is and he is who I love. So, not church wedding, we are having an interfaith minister to do a very nice and touching ceremony.

I am opposed to Precana, and cana, and all the hypocritical things that go around church ... so we agree there. About raising our kids catholic, he knows I want that, and I am not expecting him to go to church with me and/or the kids, because I respect his position about it.

Unfortunately, as much as religion can be a tool for hope and love, it can also destroy and separate people. IMO many of the reasons why we have so many conflicts is because we all have different beliefs and one way or the other, we instead of sharing and celebrating the differences, try to force our thoughts upon other people.

If different religious points of view haven't separate you so far in 7 years, I wish it does not do it now.

Good luck!

TY avesur i also believe after seven years we are still in love.But maybe we weren't meant to be married.Everybody has a soulmate but doesn't marry them or never met them i hope for the best &hope we don't have to part ways but sometimes i feel we should Thanks for your advice

bump for more opion's

Did you get to discuss to get married in a hall? Our ceremony will be in a garden, I saw on in that place and it was just so, so beautiful. The interfaith minister does such a pretty ceremony without been tooooo religious, and she is a very nice person. I hope you get to terms with this, and you can get married, it does not have to be in a church with a priest to make it holy and meaningful! Both of you have shown enough comminment for 7 years, that is what counts!