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i dont think its wrong......obviously all of the little things that matter to you dont matter to her so im sure she wouldnt care about hair and makeup either!
Posted by VadersBride2006
Posted by marymoon
I think what you're doing is fine. You're thanking them specficially for their efforts, which she did not put in. Or to just be the better person, pay for it for all the BMs and let them know it's to thank them for all of their help. That way she's the one who will know you're being kind to her even thought she couldn't be bothered.
I agree, maybe you could do a little something extra as a gift for the other 3, but not something as blatanly obvious as 'We're all getting our hair done and you're not'
Posted by eden
I don't see anything wrong with hair and makeup for the 3, but not the one. If that one girl can't be bothered to help out, then she shouldn't get financial help from you.
I have 3 girls and only 1 is helping me much so I'm paying for her hair and makeup, while hte other two will have pay for one or the other. And I'm also buying all their dresses and a gift for all of them.
Sometimes you want to be fair, but being fair to all is NOT being fair to the 3 girls who helped you the most. They are doing al the work so reward them accordingly.
Obviously you picked this person to be a BM because they have impacted your life and mean something to you. But it's not like she would know if you paid for the other 3 and not her if that's what you want to do. I am a MOH for my sister and I can't tell you how annoying all the bridal party emails are back and forth, I don't respond to half of them. Doesn't mean I don't love my sister or care about her or her wedding, some people have other things going on other than your wedding.
Posted by aliwnec10
Posted by VadersBride2006
I love my BM's and most of them i've been friends with for many many years. But i cannot afford to shell out $150 for this ones dress, $60 for this ones hair, or anything else because all those things add up. Now if your parents are paying for the wedding... than okay. It wouldn't be a big deal to pay for this or that to have them in your wedding party. JMO. Did that make sense?
You make sense, but I am assuming that this was written toward me, so I feel the need to respond. I also paid for my own wedding. But in the 18 months of the wedding plans, some of the girls found themselves in different financial situations. One got laid off, another needed repairs to her house and had a child entering college as a single mother. Things change, but I didn't want the bridal party to change.
I wasn't jumping for joy when I needed to shell out a few extra hundred dollars for them to be there, but in the grand scheme of things, what's $250 added to your total bill of thousands? So, I worked a few extra shifts at my second job. To have my BM there was worth a few days of work.
Posted by waterspout4
Posted by aliwnec10
Posted by VadersBride2006
I love my BM's and most of them i've been friends with for many many years. But i cannot afford to shell out $150 for this ones dress, $60 for this ones hair, or anything else because all those things add up. Now if your parents are paying for the wedding... than okay. It wouldn't be a big deal to pay for this or that to have them in your wedding party. JMO. Did that make sense?
You make sense, but I am assuming that this was written toward me, so I feel the need to respond. I also paid for my own wedding. But in the 18 months of the wedding plans, some of the girls found themselves in different financial situations. One got laid off, another needed repairs to her house and had a child entering college as a single mother. Things change, but I didn't want the bridal party to change.
I wasn't jumping for joy when I needed to shell out a few extra hundred dollars for them to be there, but in the grand scheme of things, what's $250 added to your total bill of thousands? So, I worked a few extra shifts at my second job. To have my BM there was worth a few days of work.
I realize that it's not a large amount of money. But my FH and i are also building a house at the moment, so literally... EVERY PENNY COUNTS right now. But that's my circumstances right now and everyone is different. But you're right. It's not too much money and normally it would be no problem. But there are some people that are not in a position to shell out $250. I'm just saying... that's all.
i think what you have decided to do is fine. i dont think it would be fair to the other 3 girls if you rewarded the 4th when she hasnt done anything.
Posted by aliwnec10
Posted by waterspout4
Posted by aliwnec10
Posted by VadersBride2006
I love my BM's and most of them i've been friends with for many many years. But i cannot afford to shell out $150 for this ones dress, $60 for this ones hair, or anything else because all those things add up. Now if your parents are paying for the wedding... than okay. It wouldn't be a big deal to pay for this or that to have them in your wedding party. JMO. Did that make sense?
You make sense, but I am assuming that this was written toward me, so I feel the need to respond. I also paid for my own wedding. But in the 18 months of the wedding plans, some of the girls found themselves in different financial situations. One got laid off, another needed repairs to her house and had a child entering college as a single mother. Things change, but I didn't want the bridal party to change.
I wasn't jumping for joy when I needed to shell out a few extra hundred dollars for them to be there, but in the grand scheme of things, what's $250 added to your total bill of thousands? So, I worked a few extra shifts at my second job. To have my BM there was worth a few days of work.
I realize that it's not a large amount of money. But my FH and i are also building a house at the moment, so literally... EVERY PENNY COUNTS right now. But that's my circumstances right now and everyone is different. But you're right. It's not too much money and normally it would be no problem. But there are some people that are not in a position to shell out $250. I'm just saying... that's all.
I completely understand. I just hope that people can understand why I did what I did.
Let's all just![]()
Posted by waterspout4
Posted by aliwnec10
Posted by waterspout4
Posted by aliwnec10
Posted by VadersBride2006
I love my BM's and most of them i've been friends with for many many years. But i cannot afford to shell out $150 for this ones dress, $60 for this ones hair, or anything else because all those things add up. Now if your parents are paying for the wedding... than okay. It wouldn't be a big deal to pay for this or that to have them in your wedding party. JMO. Did that make sense?
You make sense, but I am assuming that this was written toward me, so I feel the need to respond. I also paid for my own wedding. But in the 18 months of the wedding plans, some of the girls found themselves in different financial situations. One got laid off, another needed repairs to her house and had a child entering college as a single mother. Things change, but I didn't want the bridal party to change.
I wasn't jumping for joy when I needed to shell out a few extra hundred dollars for them to be there, but in the grand scheme of things, what's $250 added to your total bill of thousands? So, I worked a few extra shifts at my second job. To have my BM there was worth a few days of work.
I realize that it's not a large amount of money. But my FH and i are also building a house at the moment, so literally... EVERY PENNY COUNTS right now. But that's my circumstances right now and everyone is different. But you're right. It's not too much money and normally it would be no problem. But there are some people that are not in a position to shell out $250. I'm just saying... that's all.
I completely understand. I just hope that people can understand why I did what I did.
Let's all just![]()
I understand completely. I was just trying to say that everyone has different circumstances.![]()
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