Is This Grounds to Kick Out a BM?

One of my BM’s used to be friendly with FH, they had a small falling out and don’t talk much anymore. I heard she was talking sh*t about FH behind our backs so I confronted her Friday, not only did she lie about saying it but she got mad at me for asking her to respect ME and not to talk negative about FH behind my back
I said I am getting married and it would be nice to know my friends support me in that and her response was “How much support do you really think you are gonna get from me? Sure I’m happy you are getting married but I’m not happy that you are marrying FH” she also said that she thinks that the compromises FH and I come to to solve issues in our relationship are ridiculous.

Am I wrong for contemplating kicking her out?

Give her the BOOT!!
Your BP should consist of people who love you and FH and want to support you guys to the fullest... this girl doesn't deserve to be part of your special day.

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Posted by CloudNine

One of my BM’s used to be friendly with FH, they had a small falling out and don’t talk much anymore. I heard she was talking sh*t about FH behind our backs so I confronted her Friday, not only did she lie about saying it but she got mad at me for asking her to respect ME and not to talk negative about FH behind my back
I said I am getting married and it would be nice to know my friends support me in that and her response was “How much support do you really think you are gonna get from me? Sure I’m happy you are getting married but I’m not happy that you are marrying FH” she also said that she thinks that the compromises FH and I come to to solve issues in our relationship are ridiculous.

Am I wrong for contemplating kicking her out?

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this is tought because you'll have to choose..i remember reading your original post being mad at fh because you wanted her to be a bm and he didnt. you defended her because she was your bf for years. then you said that years ago you had there had been a fight between them and you really never found out who was the 'liar' and who was telling you the truth. well...dont want to tell you what to do but honestly..you are marrying this guy and obviously the choice is made... regardless if he was the liar or not....it doesnt matter now...for whatever reason your friend doesnt like him and if thats justified or not...your friendship will be lost because of this.... its a hard thing to deal with...choosing between friends and 'boyrfriends' has always been a touchy subject in our lives. i wish you luck! It's just hard to say because you really did defend her a few days ago....

just to play devil's advocate....

why did you invite her as a BM in the first place? are you really close with her even though she had a falling out with your FH? could it be that while she might be going about it in a bad way--that she is worried about you? i know no one wants to hear it from someone about their relationship....so obviously i'd be upset hearing her say that stuff too.....but is she trying to look out for you for any reasons? obviously we don't know any further background on it.

sorry that you are dealing with this !

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Posted by JJC

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Posted by CloudNine

One of my BM’s used to be friendly with FH, they had a small falling out and don’t talk much anymore. I heard she was talking sh*t about FH behind our backs so I confronted her Friday, not only did she lie about saying it but she got mad at me for asking her to respect ME and not to talk negative about FH behind my back
I said I am getting married and it would be nice to know my friends support me in that and her response was “How much support do you really think you are gonna get from me? Sure I’m happy you are getting married but I’m not happy that you are marrying FH” she also said that she thinks that the compromises FH and I come to to solve issues in our relationship are ridiculous.

Am I wrong for contemplating kicking her out?

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this is tought because you'll have to choose..i remember reading your original post being mad at fh because you wanted her to be a bm and he didnt. you defended her because she was your bf for years. then you said that years ago you had there had been a fight between them and you really never found out who was the 'liar' and who was telling you the truth. well...dont want to tell you what to do but honestly..you are marrying this guy and obviously the choice is made... regardless if he was the liar or not....it doesnt matter now...for whatever reason your friend doesnt like him and if thats justified or not...your friendship will be lost because of this.... its a hard thing to deal with...choosing between friends and 'boyrfriends' has always been a touchy subject in our lives. i wish you luck! It's just hard to say because you really did defend her a few days ago....

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you're right..i did defend her. and my FH kept telling me i was giving her too much credit. he told me to talk to her and see how she really feels and i kept putting off that talk because i really did think she was a better friend then this. and now that i had this talk with her i see that FH was right and its such a sticky situation now

'...That being said ask your friend if she really feels comfortable 'standing' for you as you marry the man YOU love whom she cleary has issues with.'


Very good advice ! Turn it around on her. She might say no and drop herself OR she might stop talking smack and be a good sport.

ok..then you need to talk to her again...being that we dont know exactly what she said..we cant comment correctly. If she just made a stupid comment that has no meaning or backing and was hurtful then thats bad..but if she is genuinely concerned that you are marrying the wrong man..then thats something else.....

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Posted by MJDoc12

just to play devil's advocate....

why did you invite her as a BM in the first place? are you really close with her even though she had a falling out with your FH? could it be that while she might be going about it in a bad way--that she is worried about you? i know no one wants to hear it from someone about their relationship....so obviously i'd be upset hearing her say that stuff too.....but is she trying to look out for you for any reasons? obviously we don't know any further background on it.

sorry that you are dealing with this !

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she says she doesnt trust him because of the issue her and him had. i told her i get that, so dont be his friend, but he didnt wrong me in that situation so why not trust him with me? also she doesnt like how we compromise on things, to be honest i dont think she has a right to pass judgement on that. what works for one couple doesnt work for another. we do what works for us and shouldnt need approval from my friend to go through with it. she hasnt had a bf in 5 years and i cant wait to see how she deals with stuff like this

OUT!!!!!!!
I wouldnt even invite her to be honest she is a biatch

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Posted by CloudNine
we do what works for us and shouldnt need approval from my friend to go through with it.

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And this would be the crux of the issue. Just because she's willing to support you, doesn't mean she's required to think you're making a good decision. Conversely, you don't need her approval to get married, you're just asking her to be there through thick and thin. Saying 'just because he effed you over doesn't mean he'll do it to me' does nothing to allay her fears that he won't eventually do it to you, it just increases her fears that you won't be ready for it if it happens, so that was probably the worst way to frame it for her.
Friends can disagree and still be supportive. She's willing to be supportive of your decisions, even if she disagrees, and that's how it should be.

ETA: How do you know she was lying about talking behind your back? Is it possible that someone, aware of the tension, is attempting to make her look bad and get her tossed out?

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Posted by CloudNine

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Posted by MJDoc12

just to play devil's advocate....

why did you invite her as a BM in the first place? are you really close with her even though she had a falling out with your FH? could it be that while she might be going about it in a bad way--that she is worried about you? i know no one wants to hear it from someone about their relationship....so obviously i'd be upset hearing her say that stuff too.....but is she trying to look out for you for any reasons? obviously we don't know any further background on it.

sorry that you are dealing with this !

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she says she doesnt trust him because of the issue her and him had. i told her i get that, so dont be his friend, but he didnt wrong me in that situation so why not trust him with me? also she doesnt like how we compromise on things, to be honest i dont think she has a right to pass judgement on that. what works for one couple doesnt work for another. we do what works for us and shouldnt need approval from my friend to go through with it. she hasnt had a bf in 5 years and i cant wait to see how she deals with stuff like this

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well in that case---if it wasn't a case of him wronging YOU per se then i think she is just holding a grudge about their falling out--and that shouldn't be a refletion of your relationship.

if she doesn't support your union -- then she shouldn't stand next to you while you become husband and wife on such a momentous day. i think she deserves the boot.

in plain english.... what a little c*nt.... she is def the one who has some unresolved issues of her own with your FH... She would get kicked to the curn in an instant... Rel's are about compromises, doesnt matter which way you do em, as long as they work! As a matter of fact, it shouldnt be any of her biz anyways... UGH .... not alot of stories irk me on here, but this one totally makes me want to put my foot up her asss