So the pastor marrying us is my childhood pastor. And we had her come down to Philly yesterday for our mandatory pre-marital counseling session. So it went pretty well and FH and I agreed on pretty much everything,
Then today, she IM's me...and we are on pretty friendly terms because I've known her for a long time. But there are just some things that you don't share with your church pastor. So she starts by saying that she wants to ask me a personal question.
And i'm already like, uh oh. And then she does it....she asks if we are doing the dirty deed. And then quotes the Bible passage saying that we're not supposed to. I was like OMG. And obviously, since we live together, she pretty much knows the answer, but I guess she just wanted to confirm her fears. But it was SO awkward. And she said she wasn't judging us, but starting saying things like, 'oh, it's between you and God'....'i didn't expect to see you guys living together since I'm idealistic and expect the best of everyone'. (oh yeah, tact is not her strong suit).
I'm just wondering if other people got asked that during their pre-marital/pre-cana sessions...or if I was asked that because she knew me and was just curious. Like if I were a total stranger, would she still ask me that question. I kind of feel violated now hahahaha.
beachbum05
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I got uncomfortable READING that!
Snick n Nick
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I don't think we will.....we don't live together....but I do have a friend who got married this past memorial weekend who was living with her DH before they were married for about a year, and they listed her address as her parents' address on all of their pre-cana stuff (and to her grandmother!) b/c they didn't want their priest to know they were living together (and, doing the dirty deed as you put it!)
jessamyn78
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It's definitely not normal and totally inappropriate for them to ask you. Especially over IM.
jennandrolo
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my officiant is my uncle whos a pastor of over 25 yrs. we're going to meet with him a few times and he has said hes gonna ask us questions that is going to make us blush. im soooo afraid that is going to be one of the questions.
lwny427
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I'm not looking forward to this line of questioning at pre-cana. We did tell the deacon we met with that we live together and we were really nervous about doing that.
Honestly though, IMO, it is better to live with someone as a couple so you really know what you are getting into and can confidently say, yep, this is what I want for the rest of my life. I'm really happy we lived together prior to getting married. Everyone used to say how the first year of marriage was the hardest. I am pretty sure that working out the kinks of living together in advance makes that first year alot less difficult.
Mici n KC
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I think she has some nerve asking you that question, no matter how close she is or not. I would have told her to figure it out herself and mind her business!
bemyyoko
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i was told to move out of my home b/c i'm living in sin whether i'm doing the deed or not.
jenlen
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Posted by bemyyoko
i was told to move out of my home b/c i'm living in sin whether i'm doing the deed or not.
WHAT?! well, we were asked to not do the deed until the wedding....hahahaa.
bemyyoko
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Posted by jessamyn78
It's definitely not normal and totally inappropriate for them to ask you. Especially over IM.
perhaps it's inappropriate to ask over an IM, but I think it is normal to be asked. most people i spoke to before we met with our Priest told us that we'd be asked that question.
babieblueeyez96
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oh wow, i would have been uncomfortable too, i hope we dont get asked that at precana!
lwny427
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Posted by bemyyoko
i was told to move out of my home b/c i'm living in sin whether i'm doing the deed or not.
Wow. How did you respond to that?
Toucan311
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Actually, our pre-cana leaders said that they knew we were all most likely having sex, and that we should make sure we do it often and keep it interesting! THAT was embarassing enough! I dont want to talk about sex with church-affiliated people!!
bemyyoko
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Posted by jenlen
Posted by bemyyoko
i was told to move out of my home b/c i'm living in sin whether i'm doing the deed or not.
WHAT?! well, we were asked to not do the deed until the wedding....hahahaa.
yea...the priest even went so far as to say most brides put their parents' address down instead... so i asked him if i was supposed to lie to him, and he replied with 'I'm not saying that, but if you had, this would have been easier'
That priest did not approve our marriage and we went to another Parish. The priest at OUR parish is marrying us, and found our honesty refreshing.
Toucan311
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Although our leaders did suggest abstaining for a month before the wedding to try and make the wedding night special... but they didnt at ALL tell us not to have sex.
bemyyoko
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Posted by lwny427
Posted by bemyyoko
i was told to move out of my home b/c i'm living in sin whether i'm doing the deed or not.
Wow. How did you respond to that?
I said... 'well, I have nowhere to go, so can I move in with you?'
He laughed... but I was being serious. In the end we went to another church of the same religion and they welcomed us with open arms.
lwny427
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Posted by bemyyoko
Posted by jenlen
Posted by bemyyoko
i was told to move out of my home b/c i'm living in sin whether i'm doing the deed or not.
WHAT?! well, we were asked to not do the deed until the wedding....hahahaa.
yea...the priest even went so far as to say most brides put their parents' address down instead... so i asked him if i was supposed to lie to him, and he replied with 'I'm not saying that, but if you had, this would have been easier'
That priest did not approve our marriage and we went to another Parish. The priest at OUR parish is marrying us, and found our honesty refreshing.
GET OUT!!!! They can do that?!?!?!
Mrs. V 2008
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wow thats horrible..and no!!!! i never got asked that once!!! thats sooo uncomfortable
jjk1007
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Posted by bemyyoko
i was told to move out of my home b/c i'm living in sin whether i'm doing the deed or not.
I was basically told this too by our pastor, in so many words. And yes, he also asked 'in so many words' if we were having sex. Honestly, I dont think its uncommon at all that they ask you that. I think it depends on the church that you go to and how 'liberal' they are....if that makes sense.
BUT, I do think its strange that you were having this conversation through AIM.
lwny427
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Posted by Mimacat
Actually, our pre-cana leaders said that they knew we were all most likely having sex, and that we should make sure we do it often and keep it interesting! THAT was embarassing enough! I dont want to talk about sex with church-affiliated people!!
See that is more realistic though...I'd much rather hear that. It is an important part of marriage after all.
