Is this really how they feel....

charlotte227 Posted: Jun 17, 2004 09:26 AM

Is this really how they feel....

Some of us have posted topics about how their BP is one from hell, here is an article worth reading...http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/living/2001956071_weddings15.html

kiwijonze Posted: Jun 17, 2004 09:35 AM

Re: Is this really how they feel....

Yeah, it's no joke how much some of these BMs have to spend. A few of mine have to fly from across the country so I'm going to try as best I can to keep the costs down for them.

Stacey04 Posted: Jun 17, 2004 09:36 AM

Re: Is this really how they feel....

Interesting..sounds like this woman in particular is in a lot of BP's

chichila15 Posted: Jun 17, 2004 09:59 AM

Re: Is this really how they feel....

I have to agree... I feel bad at how much a BM has to spend on one's wedding. I'm sure they think 'it's not my wedding, why am I spending so much?'. Then again, they should know the responsibility of a BM entails.
For my bridesmaids, I'm trying to consider them. They purchased the same dress, and everything else is up for grabs - if they have shoes, wear them. Accessories, bring them. They are off the hook, and don't need to be any more uniformed that the dress & hair. However, they just booked a trip to Vegas for my bachelorette party, and are splitting for the bridal shower... I feel so bad, and would like to help them, but they won't let me!

In an ideal world, the bride & groom would pay for everything, but our last names aren't Trump.

shelly3950 Posted: Jun 17, 2004 10:56 AM

Re: Is this really how they feel....

I also agree. I have been on both sides of teh fence, and it is expensive to be a BM. I tried to keep things low in cost for mine. It wasn't as low cost as I would want, but I did my best.

brooklynbridezilla Posted: Jun 17, 2004 11:33 AM

Re: Is this really how they feel....

That is EXACTLY why I am not having a large BP. My sister is my MOH, and I am paying for her dress and all other wedding stuff- she's a teenager. My brother and FH's uncle will give me away, and they are both wearing a Barong (traditional Filipino wedding shirt for men- way cheaper than a tux). FH and his two groomsmen/brothers are also wearing barongs.

It would have been nice for my three girlfriends to be bridesmaids in matching dresses and the whole nine yards, but I just can't ask them to spend so much $$$. They are coming to celebrate our marriage, and that is enough.

steph4777 Posted: Jun 17, 2004 11:42 AM

Re: Is this really how they feel....

I was thinking about this yesterday. My mom had to take control of my shower and pitch in some money. I asked her to help out bc I know it's tough on my BM. 4 of the 7 don't live in NY and have to pay for travel expenses.

For my MOH's wedding, I must have spent close to 3K after the dress, shoes, hair, nails, gift, shower expenses, and travel/rental car/hotel.

It can get out of control. Thank God all of our weddings have been spaced out at least a year apart. Gives a girl time to recoup!

eogara Posted: Jun 17, 2004 12:14 PM

Re: Is this really how they feel....

I feel for this girl, it's absolutely RIDICULOUS to be asked to spend $300 on a dress that 99% of the time you'll never wear again and didn't really love to begin with! I wrote to my bridesmaids the other day (most are OOT) saying here's what I was thinking but ultimately you guys are wearing the dress so you pick. My cousin wrote back 'You're the best bride ever! You mean you actually CARE what we're comfortable wearing?' It was nice to see.

Our wedding day is not the most important event in their lives so we need to keep that in mind. Plus, I have 11 weddings (including mine) from Aug 1st this year to July 24th next year and between the two of us, FH and I are in 7 of them. People make such unbelievable requests for their weddings - someone needs to put a limit on it!

Jan05Bride Posted: Jun 17, 2004 12:22 PM

Re: Is this really how they feel....

I know this is how I feel when I am a BM. It really does stink to spend sooooo much money on someone else's wedding.

I have been in more than 7 weddings (lost count) and spent thousands of dollars on dresses, shoes, hair, make up, maincures/pedicures, tanning, undergarments, engagement gifts, showers, shower gifts, wedding gifts, bachelorette parties.

Knowing this going into my wedding, I chose only a few girls to share that expense. I love all my family and all my friends and I want them to celebrate my wedding without going broke.

The worst is the weddings I was in right after college were in friends I am not even close to anymore. We've moved onto to different things in life. That's the sad part

chichila15 Posted: Jun 17, 2004 01:28 PM

Re: Is this really how they feel....

Has anyone been a BM in a wedding that the couple later divorced? That would bother me... I'd feel like I wasted $ for nothing!

steph4777 Posted: Jun 17, 2004 01:50 PM

Re: Is this really how they feel....

Posted by chichila15

Has anyone been a BM in a wedding that the couple later divorced? That would bother me... I'd feel like I wasted $ for nothing!

I know what you mean, however you never know what's going to happen in the future. Any expense you make today, be it for a wedding or anything else, might be considered a waste in the future.

The first year of marriage was really tough for my MOH and her husband. I told her that they needed to work a little harder to get through their issues bc I invested a lot in their union and I wanted to see it last forever!

nferrandi Posted: Jun 17, 2004 01:56 PM

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I think I've been really considerate of my BM. Their dresses are only $150 and they're being asked by my MOM, sister, to chip in another $150 for the shower and bachelorette party. I can't believe on of my BMs are actually giving my sister a problem for the $150. And that's all they're being asked for. I'm not insisting on them having their hair or makeup done and they all live local.

04Bride Posted: Jun 17, 2004 01:59 PM

Re: Is this really how they feel....

i agree totally thats why i paid for the deposit of my girls dresses granted its only 2 girls so it wasnt so bad but i just couldnt ask themt o spend 250 on the dress aone, plus shoes and hair and makeup ETC. its alot i've ben in weddings they are a big expense

chichila15 Posted: Jun 17, 2004 02:05 PM

Re: Is this really how they feel....

That's true... an expense is still an expense, and could be considered a waste... especially if you see something go on-sale after you paid full price (u HATE it when that happens!).

Posted by steph4777

Any expense you make today, be it for a wedding or anything else, might be considered a waste in the future.

I would tell my friends that, too!

Posted by steph4777

The first year of marriage was really tough for my MOH and her husband. I told her that they needed to work a little harder to get through their issues bc I invested a lot in their union and I wanted to see it last forever!

suven Posted: Jun 17, 2004 02:11 PM

Re: Is this really how they feel....

Well, the gowns for my wedding cost them $134. They bought shoes ($40 average). I paid to have the shoes dyed, I paid for the girls to get their hair done, I paid for the jewelry that they wore at my wedding. My mother paid for my bridal shower. And, I still ended up with the bridesmaid from hell. (See my post from yesterday)

charlotte227 Posted: Jun 23, 2004 10:31 AM

Re: Is this really how they feel....

Posted by brooklynbridezilla

That is EXACTLY why I am not having a large BP.

I agree same here we have a small BP as well.

charlotte227 Posted: Jun 23, 2004 10:33 AM

Re: Is this really how they feel....

Posted by eogara

Our wedding day is not the most important event in their lives so we need to keep that in mind. People make such unbelievable requests for their weddings - someone needs to put a limit on it!

I could not agree it more, you stated it correctly.

charlotte227 Posted: Jun 23, 2004 10:35 AM

Re: Is this really how they feel....

Thanks ladies this was a good discussion topic....we all want the fairy tale weddings but we have to deal with the reality of other people's pockets. Good luck to you all.

dm24angel Posted: Jun 23, 2004 10:39 AM

Re: Is this really how they feel....

I have tried to be very considerate as well...I offered to pay for anything I 'wanted' that my BM's couldnt afford...they are there to support me and as I asked them to be in this role, I cant then expect them in turn to pay a fortune for things they have not choosen...

Lucikly everyone has been ok with my choices so far in all respects