Is this request unreasonable??

So, FH and I rarely fight but we cannot agree about something and hence we are fighting.. and so close to the wedding!

Basically he has been trying to sell his Bayside co-op since October and no one is biting. He has lowered the price a lot and can't go any lower. Now we are also going to add the option to rent. If it sells this summer.. we'll look into buying a house. If he rents it, we'll also rent an apartment in the meantime. (we need part of the $ from the sell of the co-op for a house down payment).

The problem is, if it DOESN'T sell/rent by the time I start a new school year (I teach in Shirley) I assumed we would rent an apt. on LI anyway while he's trying to get his place off his hands b/c the commute from Bayside to Shirley is crazy. Now all of a sudden (after talking to his friends) he tells me I should compromise and sacrifice and live there until he can sell/rent his place so we can save $$ and now throw it away on a rent while paying a mortgage. But the thing is, to get to my school in the a.m it would take around 80 min. The way back, I would hit traffic in Western LI, so it would probably take me 1 hour 40 min. or so. I am really not willing to spend so much time in my car- I know I'll be miserable. I told him I'd try it out for a few days in June and see how it is and if I can do it in Sept. if need be.. but I'm feeling very negative about it.. and he's starting to resent me for that.

What do you all think? Do you agree his request is unreasonable, or am I not being flexible enough?

TIA-

PS. Now I commute from PLainview so its about 45 min. and I already think THAT'S long!

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Posted by silyss

So, FH and I rarely fight but we cannot agree about something and hence we are fighting.. and so close to the wedding!

Basically he has been trying to sell his Bayside co-op since October and no one is biting. He has lowered the price a lot and can't go any lower. Now we are also going to add the option to rent. If it sells this summer.. we'll look into buying a house. If he rents it, we'll also rent an apartment in the meantime. (we need part of the $ from the sell of the co-op for a house down payment).

The problem is, if it DOESN'T sell/rent by the time I start a new school year (I teach in Shirley) I assumed we would rent an apt. on LI anyway while he's trying to get his place off his hands b/c the commute from Bayside to Shirley is crazy. Now all of a sudden (after talking to his friends) he tells me I should compromise and sacrifice and live there until he can sell/rent his place so we can save $$ and now throw it away on a rent while paying a mortgage. But the thing is, to get to my school in the a.m it would take around 80 min. The way back, I would hit traffic in Western LI, so it would probably take me 1 hour 40 min. or so. I am really not willing to spend so much time in my car- I know I'll be miserable. I told him I'd try it out for a few days in June and see how it is and if I can do it in Sept. if need be.. but I'm feeling very negative about it.. and he's starting to resent me for that.

What do you all think? Do you agree his request is unreasonable, or am I not being flexible enough?

TIA-

PS. Now I commute from PLainview so its about 45 min. and I already think THAT'S long!

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DEF unreasonable!! That is a crazy commute!!! I actually have to drive out to shirly tonight and its a hike and I live in seaford. I cant even imagine from bayside!!!!
Also, my FH does mortages if you need someone when you start looking at houses!

Well..... I guess I'm on the other side of the fence. Although it's a long commute, there are people who have much longer commutes... and to be honest.. you are lucky. Your commute would be the opposite of everyone who goes from the city to the island, which is a much better commute than going from the island to the city.

And.. paying a mortgage while renting? You don't know how long the coop will be on the market. It could be a long time. I've been looking at the same coops for sale in Bayside for a year... maybe 2 years. The market hasn't even bottomed out yet. They expect housing prices to drop even more.

If it were me, I would just suffer with the commute and save as much money as possible to try to save every penny.... especially because they just said this past week that they are cutting back on teaching jobs again.

Sorry to be a downer, but that's JMO and I don't mean to offend.

I agree that it is a long commute...And I take 3 trains and 2 buses to work so I know how you are going to feel. But I also do it because I was open enough and realized we are paying dirt cheap rent and have a HUGE place...2 bedrooms, an office, and a great neighborhood. If we hadn't moved, we wouldn't have money for this wedding or for a house. Granted will it be a sacrifice YES!! But it will be a good sacrifice. And marriage sometimes bring sacrifices. Your FH is not pushing away from not wanting to buy a house, he wants to speed up the process. Personally I don't see anything wrong with this. I say nip it in the butt, put a positive attitude on it.

IMO of course

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Posted by Thar1127

I think you do what you have to do to save money and achieve the ultimate goal of owning a house. You can do anything for a few months. Make it work, hopefully the apartment will sell/rent soon

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I agree with this. IMO I'd make the sacrafice to save the rent money and do the commute, unless the rent was ridiculously low!! I just think renting is throwing away money but thats me. Good luck!!

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Posted by Thar1127

I think you do what you have to do to save money and achieve the ultimate goal of owning a house. You can do anything for a few months. Make it work, hopefully the apartment will sell/rent soon

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ITA
It will not be a fun commute but it will save you money...it may only be one month that you have to deal with the commute or it may be longer but financially it does make sense. people do those long commutes daily (i have family commuting from plainview long island to stamford CT). it may be rough in the beginning but think of the long term savings and having extra money to put towards a house.

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Posted by FutureWifey
If it were me, I would just suffer with the commute and save as much money as possible to try to save every penny.... especially because they just said this past week that they are cutting back on teaching jobs again.

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ITA. I think you should be slightly more flexible and save as much money together for an even bigger down payment.

I see your frustration... believe me!! I have an hour commute (each way) because my job moved and I am also in Queens.

I really think you should try doing the commute for a while. I think you would really be throwing money out the window if you keep the co-op AND rent. People do this sometimes but usually when they are between moves and know it will only be a very short time. Right now, you have no idea when anyone will buy or rent his place, so every month will be money tossed out.

Worst case scenario maybe you can rent it for a VERY low price when you have to go back to work and then find a cheap rental by your job. You would lose some money renting it under the mortgage but at least its better than just moving into a rental without any income from the co-op. This could be a good compromise if you can't sell or rent for asking price.

Tough situation!!!! What is your living situation right now? Maybe keep what you have in Plainview and he can stay there. Either way you would both be paying the same that you were before marriage.

GOOD LUCK!!

I understand....you are saving some money in the long run..but not that much because people don't understand the cost of such a long commute in gas and your car.

I did the commute from baldwin to westchester for 3 years (teacher too)....and finally when me and my FH moved in together we moved right near the bridge in whitestone. He had the nerve to say his commute would be longer....I'm like big woop..u went from 5 mins to 20 mins...I still have 30 min commute and tolls.

I feel your pain...traffic I swear took years off of my life. You have to see how much it's really going to save in the end or not save. And decide from there

I totally understand where you are coming from. I work in Bethpage and moved to Shirley once me and FH got engaged. He had already bought a house so I had to sacrifice and move in. I have about an hour commute each way everyday, and trust me....it does suck, but you do get used to it.
You are going to be stressed enough about money with paying for the wedding that adding a rent or mortgage will just make it worse. Just try to keep in your head that it won't be forever, it's just temporary.

You can always come stay at my house in Shirley!

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Posted by FutureWifey

Well..... I guess I'm on the other side of the fence. Although it's a long commute, there are people who have much longer commutes... and to be honest.. you are lucky. Your commute would be the opposite of everyone who goes from the city to the island, which is a much better commute than going from the island to the city.

And.. paying a mortgage while renting? You don't know how long the coop will be on the market. It could be a long time. I've been looking at the same coops for sale in Bayside for a year... maybe 2 years. The market hasn't even bottomed out yet. They expect housing prices to drop even more.

If it were me, I would just suffer with the commute and save as much money as possible to try to save every penny.... especially because they just said this past week that they are cutting back on teaching jobs again.

Sorry to be a downer, but that's JMO and I don't mean to offend.

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i completely agree!! think of it this way....you are saving $ for a life together, forever.

instead of spending $ on mortgage and rent (and with rent comes furnishings and all the other little things you never think of when budgeting!!!), save it...wait for where you are meant to go.

on average your commute is an hour and a half. you can listen to music, talk on the phone (handsfree of course!!), have time to yourself to think

aside from the actual driving and price of gas, i dont think its a bad compromise

sorry. i would do this one for the team

(fyi - during our engagement i lived at my parents house in brooklyn to save $$$ and my commute to work was 90-120 minutes DRIVING each way AND paying a toll....now i live 20 mintues from work....you do what you need to do...)

No I don't think it's unreasonable. Wasting money is unreasonable. I would suck it up and do it if it means that you can save to buy a house. I sacrificed my commute for some of the same reasons. It's worth it in the end.

I completely understand both yours and FH's sides on this one.. It's easy for him to suggest that you deal with that long commute because he isn't the one doing it.

This might be an unpopular suggestion, but if you guys are living apart now, maybe you can continue doing so for a few months until the place sells? Obv this would be a lot harder if you were already living together..

Do you have the rental info or the site listing for the apartment. I can ask around to a few friends who are looking.

And that is a crazy commute. I definitely would not want to take it. I drive 30 minutes to work now and some days I can't take it.