Is this rude?

my MH & her husband are having an engagment party at her house for me & FH, the 4 of us are paying for everything...
Do you think it's rude that FMIL gave me a list w/ about 60 people on it to invite?
I asked her for her address book so me & FH can go through & invite who we wanted to but she said she had to go through it b/c a lot of addresses are incorrect. So the next day she hands me this list.....FH does have a very large family but w/ a large family you do have to cut people out.....I cannot have this many people at my friends house. We just wanted to have a few family members,bridal party & some friends for a total of about 60 people, but her list is just that & not including his immediate family which is 5 more...
Me & FH ended up cutting it down ourselves to about 35 people for his fam. I don't know if she minded but we had no choice.

plus... don't forget that everyone who you invite to the e-party is supposed to be invited to the wedding. We're going through THAt problem right now since we didn't put a limit on the e-party guests, and now we have to pay for ALL of them for the wedding! You're MUCH better off limiting her list, and letting her know it's purely for limited space reasons. Maybe your FH should just let her know who HE cut. (if you give an inch now, she'll be running your wedding, so don't give in!!!)

Good luck!

i mean, you gotta do what you gotta do. if you can only afford or want what it is you want then FMIL will have to respect your wishes.

you should try having FH explain to her that you only want a very small party of immediate only. that you and FH are paying for it and your MOH is gracious enough to allow you to have the party in her house-- so you can't go overboard and invite a lot of people.

if your FMIL has a problem with that then she should offer to pay for something so you can have it in a place that is big enough to hold that many people. if money is not the issue and it's more your personal preference then your FMIL and her family should understand that this is what you and FH want.

HTH, good luck to you.

ETA: you are not being rude by not inviting people that you physically cannot accomodate to the e-party. you will have everyone at the wedding and i mean if you think about it, not everyone even has an e-party so if you had none at all NO one would come.

VERY rude AND SHE SHOULD CUT THE LIST DOWN

SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING I HAD TO DEAL WITH FOR BOTH SHOWER AND WEDDING

THATS THE REASON I LOST 10 LBS BEFORE MY WEDDING

STOP HER NOW

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Posted by carlsbride

The way I would look at it is - You asked for her address book, so she gave you a list of addresses, now you will choose from the addresses she gave you. You didn't ask her for an invite list so she shouldn't assume that you are going to invite everyone from her address book. Invite who you can afford and have fun!

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DAMN GOOD POINT!!!!!!! that totally slipped by me... very very good point, there you go!!!


and ...

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Posted by Preshy7

VERY rude AND SHE SHOULD CUT THE LIST DOWN

SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING I HAD TO DEAL WITH FOR BOTH SHOWER AND WEDDING

THATS THE REASON I LOST 10 LBS BEFORE MY WEDDING

STOP HER NOW

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omg that's awful!!!!
i kinda had to deal with this with the e-party, i asked for her list and her guest list for the wedding is 215-- she gave me the list for the e-party and it was 190... LOL!!!!!! i was like ummmm, are you kidding?!! so fh spoke with her and she 'drastically' (her words) cut it, and came up with 165... LOL so we finally were like it needs to be UNDER 100 people... so finally, somehow, after five agonizing months got her to about 50 people--- OY VEY!!!!!!!

too funny...thank you..
that's what is about the money & the space, I'd love to have everyone but just can't & I didn't hear any offers coming from her...

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Posted by carlsbride

The way I would look at it is - You asked for her address book, so she gave you a list of addresses, now you will choose from the addresses she gave you. You didn't ask her for an invite list so she shouldn't assume that you are going to invite everyone from her address book. Invite who you can afford and have fun!

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Exactly! Perfectly stated