We're invited to Fh's cousin's wedding in September. We plan on going, but we completely don't get along with Fh's parents and sister and BIL. I know that Fh's aunt knows this, but she's the groom's mother, so she might not be in the planning very much. Would it be rude to call her to ask her to please make sure that whomever is doing the table arrangements not seat us with them? I mean, it would be obvious for someone (the bride's parents maybe) to seat us with them, but it would be an absolute disaster, and even thinking about it makes us want to stay home. Even being in the same room as them is going to be difficult. Do you think it's appropriate to call FH's aunt and ask her if she can make sure we're not seated together? TIA
SeptWed
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this rude (if you're a wedding guest...)
Ah this is a tough one. I would have FH do it if you are going to do it since its his family. It really depends on the type of woman your aunt is. That will reflect on how she will react in my opinion.
All i know is i have a very dysfuntional family and no one called me to tell me who not to sit them with......i don't think i would of minded if someone did, but i am a very laid back person.
ETA - Does this Aunt know that you and DH are not getting along with his parents and sister? Does the bride or groom know this?
marymoon
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this rude (if you're a wedding guest...)
The thing is it's not like, Oh we dont like them , please don't seat us with them. It could really turn into a scene. The last 2 times we saw his sister involved 1) a shouting match in a restaraunt in front of her kids and 2) Her SCREAMING in FH's face at a CEMETARY, during a PRAYER SERVICE..Screaming and cursing in his face in front of about 2 dozen friends and family members.
His sister is REALLY unbalanced. She's bipolar and schizophrenic and all that good stuff (really...I'm not making this up. She is)
LFitzy79
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this rude (if you're a wedding guest...)
I really wouldn't. Most likely they will take all of that into consideration anyway, and even if they don't, I would try to do your best to suck it up for the happy couple.
marymoon
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this rude (if you're a wedding guest...)
Posted by SeptWed
ETA - Does this Aunt know that you and DH are not getting along with his parents and sister? Does the bride or groom know this?
His aunt knows, and the B&G witnessed the cemetary scene, so I'd have to say yes, but with everything going on with the wedding, they may forget, or they may leave the reception set up to someone else, or they may not realize how bad it is (though how they could no, I do not know). I just don't want to take any chances. Honestly if we're seated anywhere near them, it's in the car and back to the hotel we go. I'm not kidding. I don't want to be involved ina scene at someone's wedding. (we don't even have to speak to her and she'll make a scene, like at the cemetary, we said nothing to her, she turned around in the middle of prayers and started screaming at FH)
marymoon
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this rude (if you're a wedding guest...)
Posted by LFitzy79
I really wouldn't. Most likely they will take all of that into consideration anyway, and even if they don't, I would try to do your best to suck it up for the happy couple.
It's not about sucking it up.
FH's mom has said she wants to 'Maim and Kill' me and the last time we saw FH's sister she nterrupted a prayer service at a gravesite to SCREAM in FH's face that he's an azzhole, this and that, and had to be physically restrained. I don't think dealing with that is called sucking it up. Dealing with that is called impossible, crazy or stupid.
brooklynbridezilla
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this rude (if you're a wedding guest...)
Normally I would trust people to behave at weddings, but since this woman flipped out at a FUNERAL, I would have FH ask your aunt. It might look bad coming from you, even though you are trying to avoid trouble.
marymoon
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this rude (if you're a wedding guest...)
Actually, if it wodun't ruin the wedding for the poor B&G, maybe it would be good for those crazy people to threaten us some more. Then we can get a restraining order and call it a day
marymoon
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this rude (if you're a wedding guest...)
Posted by brooklynbridezilla
Normally I would trust people to behave at weddings, but since this woman flipped out at a FUNERAL, I would have FH ask your aunt. It might look bad coming from you, even though you are trying to avoid trouble.
FH would definitely be doing the asking. It's his aunt
Danielle
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this rude (if you're a wedding guest...)
Normally, I would say to s u c k it up... but under these circumstances, I would have your FH call and ask to be seated CLEAR across the room!!
What an awful thing to have to deal with! I'm so sorry!
marymoon
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this rude (if you're a wedding guest...)
Posted by brooklynbridezilla
Normally I would trust people to behave at weddings, but since this woman flipped out at a FUNERAL, I would have FH ask your aunt. It might look bad coming from you, even though you are trying to avoid trouble.
She also flipped out on us at her SIL's wedding. We don't really speak to her, but she called FH from the reception and was saying she needed her 'heart medicine', and her, her husband and everyone else was too drunk to drive (if you're drunk, you cant be taking meds anyway). And the fact was, she just didn't want to go home, the reception was on;ly 1./2 an hour from them in Staten Island, we were at FH's house on Long ISland, and she wanted us to drive all the way to brooklyn, get her meds and drive them to staten island, when she was 30 min from them. She was acting like it was this huge deal, and she was telling FH 'it'll be your fault when I end up in the ER tomorrow. I hope you and your fiancee are very happy living a lonely life together.' The reason Fh didn't get it for her was that none of it made sense. She caleld up like acrazy person, and she just didn't want to leave the reception. She said she needed it that night, but instead of driving home or taking a cab home, or waiting for her DH to get sober, she wanted FH to rbing it to her. I think she just wanted to bait him to bring him there. But anyway, we find out the next day it's not heart medicine she needed. It was her Lithium, and knowing that I wish we would have brought it to her, because taking Lithium and large amounts of alcohol can't really be good for you.
LFitzy79
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this rude (if you're a wedding guest...)
Does the Aunt get along with his mother and sister? Would she be offended by the request? If anyone's going to call, I agree it should be your FH....and a phone call or a personal visit is a good idea.
Mrs. dleeny
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this rude (if you're a wedding guest...)
that's a tough call.
If it's downright hostility, I would probably ask not to be seated with them.
But if it's just that you don't care for them, I wouldn't ask.
ETA: I just saw your 2nd post on this thread.
so yes, I would ask to not be seated with them. good luck!
marymoon
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this rude (if you're a wedding guest...)
Posted by Danielle
Normally, I would say to s u c k it up... but under these circumstances, I would have your FH call and ask to be seated CLEAR across the room!!
What an awful thing to have to deal with! I'm so sorry!
It's just not a normal situation.
The best part is,a fter FH said something to his mom about the cemetary scene, his mom said 'you know how your sister is' and totally brushed it off.
it was honestly so bad because it was the inveliling for both of Fh's grandparents and even when everyone was going around to say something to memorialize the grandparents, FSIL and FMIL both took their chance and used it to say something bad about us, and not something good about her own parents/grandparents. It was a sickening display
marymoon
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this rude (if you're a wedding guest...)
Posted by LFitzy79
Does the Aunt get along with his mother and sister? Would she be offended by the request? If anyone's going to call, I agree it should be your FH....and a phone call or a personal visit is a good idea.
She gets along with them. She's FMIL's sister. But she also knows about the situation and thinks it's horrible and has completely taken FH's side. I don't think she would be offended at all, because she knows the reasons why, but she's also Miss Manners, and I don't want her to think we're being rude.
LFitzy79
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this rude (if you're a wedding guest...)
ugh, I don't know protocol for this one....if she's knows the deal with your guys then she most likely wouldn't be offended...have FH bring her a box of candy when he goes to talk to her about it...chocolate makes everything go smoothly...good luck!
marymoon
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this rude (if you're a wedding guest...)
I just feel so stupid hvaing him call. But it would honestly be worse to go there and have to sit near them
suven
Posted:
Member since
.
.
mka06
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this rude (if you're a wedding guest...)
I think you should have FH ask. If you're concerned that she may take it the wrong way since she's Ms. Manners, I'd have FH really focus on the fact that you two want to make sure nothing disrupts her child's wedding... that under ordinary circumstances, you would just deal with it, but after what happened at the cemetary, you're both concerned that if you're all seated together, something might happen beyond your control.
Good Luck!
SuzBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Is this rude (if you're a wedding guest...)
I would have FH call. I would want him just to request being seated at an alternate table and tell the aunt that you understand how important the day is and want to ensure all unnecessary conflict is avoided. If that was my mom receiving the call from one of my cousins, I do not think she would be insulted at all or consider it rude.
