Is this rude (if you're a wedding guest...)

No I don't think its rude. I had someone do it for my wedding...
I have been friends with two girls since high school... they had been best friends since the first day of kindergarten and to make a long story short one of my friends slept with the others boyfriend ... wrote about it in her diarty.. and the other girl found out.
Well needless to say they didn't speak after that. My wedding was 2 years after this all happened but the girl who was backstabbed called me to ask if she could be seated on the other side of the room even if that meant sitting with strangers.

I didn't think it was rude at all and while I knew the situation and was planning to do it anyway I don't mind that she called to remind me. I rather not have their petty arguing disrupt my wedding.

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Posted by mendara

Why are you even going to this wedding? I would not call and ask to be seated in a certain area asd it is not your wedding and it would be rude - at least I think it would, but seriously - it sounds like there is no reason for you to go anyway -

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Well we're going b/c we don't want to miss Fh's cousin's wedding. It's his first cousin. These are once in a lifetime events.

Maybe he should speak directly to his cousin. I hadn't even thought of that. But I sitll think it might be better to talk to his aunt b/c she knows the whole situation and she's spoken with FH about it, and maybe she cna present it to the B&G like it's HER idea, so they don't get pissed with us, or at least she'll be able to explain to them why. We get along with Fh's cousin, but I sometimes wonder because he's very close with FSIL

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Posted by marymoon

Maybe he should speak directly to his cousin. I hadn't even thought of that. But I sitll think it might be better to talk to his aunt b/c she knows the whole situation and she's spoken with FH about it, and maybe she cna present it to the B&G like it's HER idea, so they don't get pissed with us, or at least she'll be able to explain to them why. We get along with Fh's cousin, but I sometimes wonder because he's very close with FSIL

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I'll be honest with you. I know it's a serious issue for your and your FH, but it's not going to be a serious issue for his aunt. I highly doubt she's going to spin it as 'oh, *I* think it would be good for you to seat so and so over here.' She's probably just going to call her son and say, 'They called and told me they don't want to sit together.'

I'm telling you- it's best to call the couple directly.

The B&G have witnessed the conflict before. Its possible THEY might call you and tell you that they are seating you elsewhere and/or ask you if youd like to be.

I know my cousins wife doesnt get along with my aunt so I called the wife and told her I was sitting her with her inlaws a few tables away just to ease her mind.

They didnt show up but thats another story!

So if they dont call you, Id call them directly and leave everyone else out of it. Yes its annoying for all those involved but it will save a lot of unecessary BS in the end.

I had conflict in my family & I am well aware of it, so I made sure to not only separate them, but to arrange other people, it it didn't look so obvious that I was splitting up certain people.

Special requests are annoying to deal with, but I know that we just really to amke sure nobody was causing a scene.

I agree, that your FH should call his cousin directly & tell him that just he case ihe isn't aware, if they are seated together his sister will likely cause a scene like seh did at the funeal & if at all possible it might be best for everyone if they could be a different tables.

Question, if she created a scene at a FUNERAL,
what's going to stop her from doing it a wedding, even if you guys are not seated together?

Just have your FH call your aunt..no need to make a big deal out of it. I am sure if his aunt is a sane person, it wont cause a problem. IF you are already anticipating drama,it will happen.........

Just go to the wedding,,sit at your own table and keep your distance. If FIL's try to start trouble,just quietly excuse yourselves or go back to the hotel.

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Posted by marymoon

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Posted by LFitzy79

I really wouldn't. Most likely they will take all of that into consideration anyway, and even if they don't, I would try to do your best to suck it up for the happy couple.

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It's not about sucking it up.

FH's mom has said she wants to 'Maim and Kill' me and the last time we saw FH's sister she nterrupted a prayer service at a gravesite to SCREAM in FH's face that he's an azzhole, this and that, and had to be physically restrained. I don't think dealing with that is called sucking it up. Dealing with that is called impossible, crazy or stupid.

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PLEASE tell me these people are not invited to your own wedding!!!!! Oh sweetie.. If it were me, I woudl call and mention it for the sake of their wedding. Screw etiquette- its for sissies anyway!!!

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Posted by marymoon

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Posted by brooklynbridezilla

Normally I would trust people to behave at weddings, but since this woman flipped out at a FUNERAL, I would have FH ask your aunt. It might look bad coming from you, even though you are trying to avoid trouble.

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She also flipped out on us at her SIL's wedding. We don't really speak to her, but she called FH from the reception and was saying she needed her 'heart medicine', and her, her husband and everyone else was too drunk to drive (if you're drunk, you cant be taking meds anyway). And the fact was, she just didn't want to go home, the reception was on;ly 1./2 an hour from them in Staten Island, we were at FH's house on Long ISland, and she wanted us to drive all the way to brooklyn, get her meds and drive them to staten island, when she was 30 min from them. She was acting like it was this huge deal, and she was telling FH 'it'll be your fault when I end up in the ER tomorrow. I hope you and your fiancee are very happy living a lonely life together.' The reason Fh didn't get it for her was that none of it made sense. She caleld up like acrazy person, and she just didn't want to leave the reception. She said she needed it that night, but instead of driving home or taking a cab home, or waiting for her DH to get sober, she wanted FH to rbing it to her. I think she just wanted to bait him to bring him there. But anyway, we find out the next day it's not heart medicine she needed. It was her Lithium, and knowing that I wish we would have brought it to her, because taking Lithium and large amounts of alcohol can't really be good for you.

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CAN I ASK WHAT YOU ARE DOING ABOUT THEM FOR YOUR OWN WEDDING? ARE THEY INVITED? ARE THEY COMING?

FH AND I ARE IN THE SAME BOAT, WITH HIS FAMILY. WE DID SEND INVITES ASSUMING THEY WON'T COME, BUT WE WERE DOING THE 'RIGHT THING' BY INVITING THEM. I AM NOW RECONSIDERING (AFTER ANOTHER INCIDENT) AND FH SAID HE IS GOING TO CALL THEM AND TELL THEM TO STAY HOME.

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Posted by mrswask

Honestly - I don't think it's rude to make the request, but I think it's rude to write that if you're anywhere near them, you're going to leave. That's rude to do to the bride and groom will cost them money. What happens if you bump into his 'unbalanced' sister during Cocktail Hour or him mom in the ladies room? That would be very unfair to your FH and the bride and groom to leave. As I said, I don't think it's rude to make the request, but I think you need to deal with the fact that you MAY run into one of them at the wedding and how you are going to handle it like an adult.

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If we are seated at the same table with them, we will leave. It's no longer 'i don't like so and so.' When someone threatens you, and ruins a prayer service at a grave, it's kind of beyond that point. We're giving more than enough money to 'cover our plates' so... Anyway, that's why I want to call to avoid the situation entirely in case there is an oversight, or if the bride's parents are doing the chart and figure since we're all in the same immediate family we should all sit together. I want to avoid it entirely. Maybe we shouldn;t even go to the wedding at all... but I've seen this feud cause so many important family events to be missed by various family members. We missed our nephew's first birthday because of FSIL and FSIL's baby shower (when we were talking to her) because HER MIL decided she didn't like my FH. And now FH's entire family might have to be left out of our e-party and any other pre wedding events, and at this point in time, the wedding too. These things are once in a lifetime events, and it's shameful that people have to be scared off from them or miss them, especially since we have a good relationship with the cousin getting married.

Normally I would say that it is totally rude to make a request regarding where you will be seated.

However, in a situation where it could make for a bad scene, then you are actually doing the everyone a favor by making sure you are not seated with the people who will act that way.

I think that would be an ideal thing to do however, it's not an ideal situation. If you FSIL has gotten into screaming matches in front of her children in restaurants and the same at a cemetery in front of tons of people, I dont think it matters where you sit at the wedding she will seek you guys out. It just might be in your best interest not to do a table change and to do your best to ignore her, if she acts up keep your calm dont engage back and let her hang herself in front of FH's family. If you think the aunt will fully understand you could see to a table change however, dont be surprised if the trouble doesnt follow you! Good luck