Is this rude...question regarding kids at wedding. UPDATE--see end of post.

Original post by Annieb

Jul 31, 2003 07:14 PM

KarenK122 Posted: Jul 31, 2003 11:00 PM

Re: Is this rude...question regarding kids at wedding.

I think you'd have to invite all or none. Most people I know would love a night out without the children and would get babysitters. We didn't invite any children to ours but one of my closest cousins brought her newborn because she was breastfeeding and couldn't leave for an extending period of time. At first I was a little ticked off because I was afraid of the crying and such but luckly the baby was an angel and never made a peep.

h2k Posted: Jul 31, 2003 11:09 PM

Re: Is this rude...question regarding kids at wedding.

Not at all. If you are afraid of insulting the parents, than call and explain that you and your finace agreed to set an age limit, becuase you needed to control the guest list and you really don't want to have too many children running around. If you find the right words for this person, they might even surprisse you and say that they would rather leave the children with a babysitter so they can dance and enjoy the night. Good Luck.

yabbobay Posted: Aug 01, 2003 03:47 AM

Re: Is this rude...question regarding kids at wedding.

We made a different cut off...only children of siblings or first cousins...

of course a family friend asked if she could bring her 18 month daughter (otherwise she could not go, b/c her family was coming) and DH said of course...i was very nervous...but it turned out OK...

try to be flexible if someone does come up to you...

eroxgirl Posted: Aug 01, 2003 07:50 AM

Re: Is this rude...question regarding kids at wedding.

I hate the fact that I have to have any children at my wedding at all, but FH has little brothers and sisters between 8 and 14. I won't allow anyone else to bring children to my wedding. And my MOH will be breast feeding as well by the time of my wedding, but a wedding is not a place for babies!! Honestly, I don't think that a 3 year old behaves any better than an infant (they're mobile -- an infant stays in one place, causing less trouble IMO)

oneday Posted: Aug 01, 2003 08:07 AM

Re: Is this rude...question regarding kids at wedding.

DH and I decided no children under 10 (I actually would have done no one under 18 - but my cousin has a little girl who is 11 who was so excited about it - she had been told she might not be invited (her mother and gradmother told her, not me) but, I knew she would be disappointed). 3 of my other first cousins have kids- 2 have 2 little ones each all under 8 and the other has twins who are I think about 2 or 3 and a son who is 15. so, I invited the 11 year old and the 15 year old (not his little brother and sister) and it was fine. Or, if it wasn't. I didn't hear. I actually think the ones with the little kids were happy for the night out.

aug9bride Posted: Aug 01, 2003 08:53 AM

Re: Is this rude...question regarding kids at wedding.

This was a hot topic at the time of my wedding too. IMO, it will cause a lot of problems if you have some kids but not all, especially if they are kids from the same family. We had none because we didn't want really litle ones running around the room. Some people were upset but others were happy to be out without the kids.

Valenia Posted: Aug 01, 2003 09:10 AM

Re: Is this rude...question regarding kids at wedding.

I think that only excluding those under three is not a good idea. Setting a limit like 12 and up makes an impact, and people can understand. If anything, the babies have a better reason to be there as they will not run around, and may need to be breastfed. Saying that the parents would prefer not to bring the kids is not a reason that they should be invited, that is a reason the parents may choose not to bring them based on their own personal decision. Do you trust the parents of these children? If I had a child that I knew was uncontrollable, I'd make arrangements for babysitters myself...

Fran M Posted: Aug 01, 2003 09:11 AM

Re: Is this rude...question regarding kids at wedding.

I would go with all or none. I think you will find the majority of parents will not bring the real little ones. Some wont bring any of the kids at all. Parents want a night out on thier own now and then.

HearzBellz Posted: Aug 01, 2003 09:13 AM

Re: Is this rude...question regarding kids at wedding.

I personally think that you can set whatever limitations you want....it's your wedding, but FH I have a no kids under 10 rule, b/c we want the INVITED adults to have a good time.

If you think your family & friends would be insulted, sit them down and explain to them that a weddin gis an adult party & that it is a tough & long day for a child, especially when dressed to the gills. Maybe that will alleviate some of the stress.

Good Luck

Maribelle7777 Posted: Aug 01, 2003 09:19 AM

Re: Is this rude...question regarding kids at wedding.

I personally don't see why parents would WANT to bring kids and infants to a reception. First off, the kids are bored, or they get too hyper, the parents can't truly enjoy themselves and it's just plain inconsiderate to the bride and groom (unless bride and groom really want them there, of course). And why do guests make a big fuss about it? I can understand for some out of towners where if they live in states where weddings aren't so elaborate as they are in NY/NJ they don't realize and can't understand.

I have two couples that I know are going to have a problem with our 'adult only' reception. One has two teen aged kids. If it's impossible to leave them, fine. But the mother is having a baby this month and I'm sorry, but I would rather not have her bring the baby. If she is bringing baby with her (which I think will be the case if she comes) then I will try to provide a babysitter for her.

As for my cousin and his wife, they bring their son EVERYWHERE. I think $ might be an issue with them. So either they bring son and again, I provide babysitter, or they probably won't come. I hope they do, he's my favorite cousin. Other out of town guests from Ireland may bring children, and again, babysitter. I think none of them will have a problem with it, I think it's just a case that they don't want to travel to NY and not bring children (to at least see the city, as vacationers).

I think it all depends on the situation of the reception, and how the bride and groom feel about kids. My reception - alot of drinking will be going on and I feel that maybe not having kids there will be for the best.

julybride444 Posted: Aug 01, 2003 09:22 AM

Re: Is this rude...question regarding kids at wedding.

I don't think it's rude, as long as you inform the families of why their little one wasn't invited. But, I must tell you, if the child is very small and the mom is still breastfeeding, the family may not come. Plus, babies were such a wonderful addition to our wedding, they were so beautiful and made for lovely pictures. But, we had a daytime wedding.

sanmik Posted: Aug 01, 2003 11:35 AM

Re: Is this rude...question regarding kids at wedding.

That's my cut-off too. I told them, if the kid needs a high-chair - - it's too young. Everyone agreed (including my sister).

ddunne23 Posted: Aug 01, 2003 12:02 PM

Re: Is this rude...question regarding kids at wedding.

I think it should be all or none. A four year old would actually be more of a risk than an infant in my opinion. The infant will most likely sleep the whole time whereas the 4 year old will want to play hide and seek on the dance floor. I think should should up your age limit to pre-teens/teenagers and not invite any kids or just invite them all. Cutting off at 4 years old is kind of random.

Annieb Posted: Aug 01, 2003 12:41 PM

Re: Is this rude...question regarding kids at wedding.

shawl Posted: Aug 01, 2003 12:47 PM

Re: Is this rude...question regarding kids at wedding.

Annie, I think your solution is a great one. I am happy you posted, since I will have to deal with some of the same questions. We love seeing kids at weddings, but we have certainly been to weddings where the ceremony could not be heard because of kids. Good luck!

Becky Posted: Aug 01, 2003 01:18 PM

Re: Is this rude...question regarding kids at wedding.

Annie, I think your solution is good and it sounds like you are comfortable with it, which is truly the most important aspect of your decision.

I just got married a few weeks ago and, like you, I was worried about crying babies at the ceremony. This was not something I could prevent because my ceremony was at a church and so the presence of babies was not within my control. Then at my rehearsal, when the priest was calling up the readers to practice their readings, my RB shot his hand up in the air and started yelling 'pick me, pick me' and I realized that whatever disruption might be in store, it would probably be very cute! I had a ton of babies in the church and not one of them made a sound that I heard during the ceremony, except that when my best friend's son realized it was me in the white dress, he pulled his pacifier out and called my name. His father had him in the last pew, so I doubt that anyone heard it except for me and my Dad.

Don't worry about offending other people. It is your wedding. When it is their wedding they can set the ground rules.

michele31 Posted: Aug 01, 2003 01:31 PM

Re: Is this rude...question regarding kids at wedding.

I think you should just speak to the parents and tell them that you would so appreciate it if the baby gets fussy to please go into the church hallway since you went to a wedding and a baby cried the whole time. most people know to do this, but if i had a stranger come up to me and tell me to please take the baby out of the ceremony i would not be happy. if you just mention it, i am sure the parents will be fine with it.

bethsiar Posted: Aug 01, 2003 01:38 PM

Re: Is this rude...question regarding kids at wedding.

I agree with Michele, I'm not sure any mother would want to be asked to leave the ceremony because of her baby. Does your church have a nursery? Maybe you can hire someone to take care of them during the ceremony and eliminate the problem all together.