Is this wrong?......

hmmm i've never been a BM (well a JR BM, but I didn't have any expenses at 9 lol), but I think I would probably a give a gift too

Like I said, I've never been in that position, so I might be wrong though

Yes you should still give a gift. When I was in my best friend's wedding, I spent a significant amount of money to be in her wedding, but FH and I still gave her a very generous gift. She's my best friend and I wouldn't do any less.

What would you want your BM's to do for you???

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Posted by 20mrsc10

i think etiquette states that you still give a gift..

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ITA

I've always given gifts when I've been a BM and I would actually be insulted if I didn't get a gift from my BMs. JMHO though

Well .....I don't expect gifts from my BM other than them paying for dresses and the shower (and in may case I only expect my mom, sister and sister-in-laws contributing to the shower, not my regular friends or hostesses). Honestly, I think gift giving is something that should be left to that person, including regular guests at the wedding.

I think of my upcoming wedding as a celebration. Something that I am asking you to be a part of to make it sepcial for me, as a favor to me. Thats why I would go all out on BM gifts and nice favors for the guests.

I think having your guests and bridal party there for you is more important than the finances involved, I want to show gratitude to them. Don't get me wrong, I love cash and gifts as much as the next girl, but I kinda feel like people shouldn't expect it or be mad if they don't receive it. Cause this is your thing that you're throwing, to celebrate love, not some way to get celebrate love and get gifts. IDK

I think its each person's decision but in both cases where I spent significant money buying a dress and travelling to the bachelorette party and shower, I still gave a generous gift.

You can probably make a 'deal' with your friends not to give each other gifts other than what they are paying for and do the same when they get married--my FH actually has that deal with two of his friends--there is just no exchange of gifts and they all call it even!

rdubs...that sound like a good deal! I made is very clear to my BM that no extra expensed are required. If someone feels compelled then fine. I know of two other brides in my family who specifically informed all guests that they did not want any gifts or cash. Why?....I'm not sure but ..I think both brides were in a position where they didn't need/want anything. They just wanted to throw a big weeding have everyone come, eat, drink and enjoy; then leave without anything in return.

But like I said gift are always fun...and I understand that most brides and grooms expect them and that's cool.

I just thought I would bring up the topic to see what other people practice and believe.

Etiquette does dictate giving a gift up until 12 months after the wedding takes place, but practice is very different.

I personally have been in 8 weddings and spent a significant amount of money being part of each and still gave a very generous gift. It's just me and I don't mind at all. I did it b/c I wanted to. If you feel a gift is not necessary, you should prob say it up front to your friends and let them take your lead. Although not everyone expects a gift, they are most likely hoping for one, esp. since weddings are so expensive.

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Posted by JillandJoe

I have always still given a gift. I always felt the gift was seperate from being the wedding party. Just my opinion. Thought you spent a lot to be in the party, they will probably be doing it for you too so it evens out. And they are still paying for you to actually be a guest at the wedding...again jmo

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ITA... and those people I have been a maid of honor or BM for are usually my best friends/sister and I usually give them a bumped gift. All the expenses are alot, but I think they are separate from the gift!