OK im not getting married until may of 09 and ALREADY there's problems. My cousin and his fiance (getting married this october) already have a baby. Now i made it very clear from the beginning that i did not want children attending. Its not to be mean but i just dont want kids running around-especially since i work with kids i will go into teacher mode if i see a child going crazy and thats the last thing i want on my wedding day. Now my aunt told my grandmother that they were upset by this and that they might not even attend the wedding if they cant bring her. They live in Arizona but used to live on LI. I mentioned if they could leave her with their friends or if worse came to worse i would find a sitter for her b/c i kno many trustworthy girls that i work with that would do it. Now what do i do-stand my ground and upset my family or let them bring her and have to get complaints that no other children could attend?
HamptonsBride
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Re: issues about children attending
I got alot of crap about 'no kids' at my wedding before even getting engaged...i am not a kid person and don't plan on having children of my own...with that being said...most of DH's family have young kids and live OOT...so we hired babysitters thru a service (so we knew they were b/g checked & reputable) and had them come to the hotel the OOT guests were staying at to watch the kids....we even paid for them...we let this be known and wrote it in the invitation inserts as well as on our website....if you don't want kids you don't have to have them...my policy was 'If you don't like what i am doing for the wedding you don't have to come....' I am not completely evil...we did have our niece & nephews who were in the wedding party there...i just didn't want like 20 kids running around (his family is huge! haha) Good luck!
Brooklynbride
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Re: issues about children attending
Did you discuss it directly with them already? I do understand your dilema. I also made it clear to everyone that it is an adult only affair. The only kids that will be in attendace at our wedding are part of the bridal party (and family members). FH two nieces (11 and 9); they are the flower girls. My daughter 11 is my maid of honor. His cousin has a four year old son and she had issues leaving him with a sitter so I made him the ring bearer (although originally I was not going to have a ring bearer). The other two kids are 12 year old and behave as if they were 14 or 15 (can we count them as kids?) They will be guests. My only worry was the same as yours.....I do not want kids running around and crying during my wedding. We are having an intimate affair with no more than 100 guests and we would like them to mingle and feel free to drink (open bar/ and they like to drink) without having to worry about kids around. My brother and his wife are having a baby in June and my wedding is in August His wife kindly decided to stay home instead of attending the wedding. It is a little different because they live in Puerto Rico and she has family members there, plus is their first kid
Good luck!!!
Christine N Ralph
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Re: issues about children attending
I had the EXACT same problem. I didnt want children running around..and i just dont think that a reception is a place for children to be. That being sail fmil had a huge problem with this! I couldnt understand why and it was almost like she demanded that I have them there!
But I stood my ground and I spoke to the people that have the children and they were like nooo we dont think that the kids should be there either! THey wantd to have a night away. It worked out well for me (even though the wedding is a LOONNGGG time away) THe problem solved itself...I hope that it does the same for you!
fashiondiva
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Re: issues about children attending
Stand firm. It's your affair and it should be the way you want it to be. If they chose not to come then that is their choice. Its not like you are singling their child out.. no ones children are invited.
I personally don't think evening wedding receptions are appropriate places for children at all...they'll be bored and tired.. what a lovely combination.
DGoldfarb0776
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Re: issues about children attending
Posted by lilpiggy742
OK im not getting married until may of 09 and ALREADY there's problems. My cousin and his fiance (getting married this october) already have a baby. Now i made it very clear from the beginning that i did not want children attending. Its not to be mean but i just dont want kids running around-especially since i work with kids i will go into teacher mode if i see a child going crazy and thats the last thing i want on my wedding day. Now my aunt told my grandmother that they were upset by this and that they might not even attend the wedding if they cant bring her. They live in Arizona but used to live on LI. I mentioned if they could leave her with their friends or if worse came to worse i would find a sitter for her b/c i kno many trustworthy girls that i work with that would do it. Now what do i do-stand my ground and upset my family or let them bring her and have to get complaints that no other children could attend?
I'll be honest I had a similar situation- with my wedding I had only one child- that was our FG and niece... there were no other children at our wedding. My BIL and his wife found a sitter for their other 1 year old daughter and did not bring her even though if necessary we would have been okay with that and used her as a co-FG or something. We put our foot down on not having any other children (despite being asked several times to make exceptions). We stood our ground and I kid you not we upset quite a few people- there were also several of my cousins that couldn't come from OOT because they could not get a sitter.
Do we regret doing this- no we don't - I think the adults would appreciate it and have a much better time. Speaking also as a teacher I would have been the same way if I had seen a problem with one of the children ... I would have gone into 'teacher mode' as you put it. Stand your ground and keep telling them no children!! They're fortunate that you're willing to find them a sitter if necessary.
Marissa09Bride
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Re: issues about children attending
Stand your ground. As mentioned sitters are a good option. It's your day and it should be how you envisioned it. Also, if you let one child come to the reception you're probably going to get complaints from other people who couldn't bring their kids. I'm not having kids at my wedding and I'm not going to budge on that.
MaggieLuvsJoe
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Re: issues about children attending
I agree with the others, stand your ground and if they don't like it then they don't have to come, it's your wedding and you do what you want. It would be good to let them know you would have a BBsitter for them as an option, if they still refuse then it's their loss.
We're not having too many kids at ours, only FHs nieces and nephews and my first cousins who are young so very much like my own nieces and nephews, i think it will be a total of 10 kids (the most) and if anyone who attends has a problem with it then too bad, you can't make everyone happy so you might as well do that makes you happy
PegaLega
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Re: issues about children attending
Definitely stand you ground-we did and of course people were upset that their child (some family) were not invited but they enjoyed themselves and its never been mentioned since. They do learn to live with it.
znycgirl
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Re: issues about children attending
It's difficult because they live so far away...how old is the kid? If it was a baby...honestly....if I was the mom, I wouldn't trust it to a babysitter I didn't know.
We didn't have teeny babies....and everyone...even those who threatened not to come...found babysitters.
Espo22
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Re: issues about children attending
yeah with a few weeks until the wedding, we are having issues with this too. MOST understand and many even told us 'oh i am not bringing my kid, its not a place for kids' but of course there will be those who get upset. I think what surprises me is those who are complaining now, one even said she might not be able to go if she cant find a baby sitter, out of everybody this is one person who can afford to hire a baby sitter. i was shocked for other reasons.
I wouldn't mind having kids there, 5-10 is ok but if we invite guests with their kids we are looking at a possibility of 30-40 kids and thats just a bit too much. Plus i am sorry but its not an event for a young child. Our wedding is late and i dont see the big deal to leave your kid with a sitter for a few hours
Future Mulligan
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Re: issues about children attending
we are doing no kids as well....at first we thought my FSIL and FBIL might be upset because they are the moh and best man and we didnt want their son (our godson) at the wedding, especially during the ceremony - he will be 2 which means someone would have to keep an eye on him at all times and we didnt want our matron of honor and best man to not be able to party with us b/c they had to watch him - same for FH's parents - his mom would end up with him all night long - luckily it turns out that FSIL and FBIL dont want to bring him anyway which worked out and we did not have to have any awkward conversations about it...BUT (there is always a but ) FH has some family in Italy that we will be inviting to the wedding - they are his cousins but he doesnt really know them and hasnt seem them in years and i have never met them either - we arent sure if they will be coming but they do have small children - i am adamant about no kids, and to be honest if im not going to have my godson there why would i want kids of people i dont even know at my wedding? so im not sure what is going to happen and it might prevent his cousins from attending the wedding but who knows - FMIL will be taking care of it for us since its her side of the family....i dont think people should give brides and grooms a hard time about it - i think its rude on their part
Espo22
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Re: issues about children attending
Posted by Future Mulligan
we are doing no kids as well....at first we thought my FSIL and FBIL might be upset because they are the moh and best man and we didnt want their son (our godson) at the wedding, especially during the ceremony - he will be 2 which means someone would have to keep an eye on him at all times and we didnt want our matron of honor and best man to not be able to party with us b/c they had to watch him - same for FH's parents - his mom would end up with him all night long - luckily it turns out that FSIL and FBIL dont want to bring him anyway which worked out and we did not have to have any awkward conversations about it...BUT (there is always a but ) FH has some family in Italy that we will be inviting to the wedding - they are his cousins but he doesnt really know them and hasnt seem them in years and i have never met them either - we arent sure if they will be coming but they do have small children - i am adamant about no kids, and to be honest if im not going to have my godson there why would i want kids of people i dont even know at my wedding? so im not sure what is going to happen and it might prevent his cousins from attending the wedding but who knows - FMIL will be taking care of it for us since its her side of the family....i dont think people should give brides and grooms a hard time about it - i think its rude on their part
if it would be a big issue, ive seen some people hire babysitters to stay with the kids during a wedding.
mf2009
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Re: issues about children attending
Stand your ground sweetie. Weddings are not for kids unless you don't mind them running around all night. My wedding isn't until next and I sat FH down and told him this is not a fight we will back down on-NO KIDS ALLOWED! Unfortunately ppl will complain but I got my mom ready for anyone who wants to bring it! So with that said yea you may upset a few people but as long as you get what you want then so be it!
jtgarsik
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Re: issues about children attending
STAND UR GROUND. i had issues with this.... i just ignored it, sent out my invites & EVERYONE and ANYONE who had issues with it at the time, got over it as soon as the wedding was over. If u start caving for some, you'll have to cave for all. DONT GIVE IN!! lol. just keep it short & sweet and simply say 'we're not having ANY children under the age of '(age here)' because of the cost & atmosphere, and while we'd love to make an exception we really cant in fear of hurting other's feelings'. THE END.! it's great that u offered to find her a sitter... i hate to say this, but some people from out of state just don't get it because NY weddings are so different than anywhere else. hopefully if & when they come she'll understand as soon as she walks in the door lol. good luck with all this! i hope it blows over smoothly!
MrsS4
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Re: issues about children attending
Posted by Christine N Ralph
I had the EXACT same problem. I didnt want children running around..and i just dont think that a reception is a place for children to be. That being sail fmil had a huge problem with this! I couldnt understand why and it was almost like she demanded that I have them there!
But I stood my ground and I spoke to the people that have the children and they were like nooo we dont think that the kids should be there either! THey wantd to have a night away. It worked out well for me (even though the wedding is a LOONNGGG time away) THe problem solved itself...I hope that it does the same for you!
stand your ground-- itll be okay!
nikiness
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Re: issues about children attending
I am having the same problem but i made a big mistake. now with a couple of months to the wedding we thought about this a lot and decided we would rather not have any kids at all but its too late because a year ago we said his 3 yr old nephew could be the ringbearer and then my aunt asked if her 5 and 7 year old could come and they are really adoreable so i said yes. so we have to let those 3 come although we wish to god we hadnt said that. but now to make matters worse i have another cousin saying she doesnt trust babysitters and shes only coming if her 3 yr old can come and i dont want any more kids but how do i say no when ive said yes already to the others? ive been stressing about this soo much and i think i basically have to allow all 4 kids to come which ***** because they are so young and this is a 5:00 ceremony and 8:00 reception.
