Issues with InLaws ...

So, FH and I have been dating for over three years and I just get the feeling that they (ILs) do not like me too much. They are paying for my dress (they offered) and every single dress I try on they HATE! They put me on a budget and then every dress i try on in that budget isn't good enough.

This isn't the only thing though, they never made me feel comfortable in their presence. They always made me feel like I was not good enough for FH. FH has three older brothers and they are all married (well, one is getting married this winter) and they seem to LOVE their wives or FWs and just hate me. It has been a long road and I just wish they would accept me now that we are finally engaged.

I don't really know why I made this post, I guess I just had to vent because it makes me so sad

Anyone else have issues with their ILs? Any advice on how I can make things better with them going forward?

TIA!

I'm sorry that you are uncomfortable with your in laws. I wish I had some advice but I myself am having issue with my further in laws. Maybe they are just adjusting to this new phase in their sons life? I always had a good relationship with mine until we got engaged.
They must care for you to generously offer to pay for your dress, right? Do they have to love your dress? All that should matter is that you love it.
I hope things get easier for you.

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Posted by ChristineNorah

I'm sorry that you are uncomfortable with your in laws. I wish I had some advice but I myself am having issue with my further in laws. Maybe they are just adjusting to this new phase in their sons life? I always had a good relationship with mine until we got engaged.
They must care for you to generously offer to pay for your dress, right? Do they have to love your dress? All that should matter is that you love it.
I hope things get easier for you.

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Thank you for responding ....

I think they were always a little uncomfortable with the youngest boy of the group being involved with someone. They never really made me feel comfortable, and now, since we got engaged, it has been worse.

I thought when they first offered to pay for my dress that they were maybe opening up to me and maybe they really cared, but they did not offer to pay for any other part of the wedding, knowing that we are on a strict budget as my parents cannot afford a huge wedding as it is. SOmetimes i think they offered to pay for that because they want to control what i look like on that day? I don't know but I just thought it was strange that that is the only thing they offered to pay for and then they have hated everything that i have tried on. They made it clear that they must like the dress also so it isnt just me

im so sorry you are going threw all that. i hope things get better for you. maybe they are just alil overwhelmed and upset that all their children are getting married off? i wish i had better advice for you. hope it gets better for you

Im sorry to hear this. I actually didn't get along with FH sister and mother but now that we got engaged we are all a lot more peaceful and nice to each other. BUT, Im having a similar dress issue with my dad offering to pay for it, he feels he can have a ton of say in everything else wedding! FH dont think its worth the hassle. Can you create some boundaries with them? Maybe you can not go with them to try on dresses. I know you want to bond with them, but it sounds like this is something where you need to have more seperation. Is an option for you to put more money towards the dress? My FSIL got married last year and got a pretty general dress. She spent a little over a thousand. My mom passed away, so his mom and sister were with me when I tried on the dress that I fell in love with... Its over 2 thousand, which is over budget, and a lot more than I wanted to spend. They keep asking me if I found another dress yet, and his mom even said to me- that dress is too expensive, lets find you another one... HAHAHAHHA, thanks but no thanks. Anyone can think what they want, but I've tried on over 50 dresses, this is the 'ONE'! I hope you find a way to deal with this. I know its upsetting. How they feel now is not how they are gonna feel forever, and, YOU'RE IT! You are the ONE for him. They honestly dont need to know anymore than that! Also, I love how when you add a baby to the dynamic and then she is a grandma, how the dynamic changes too. hang in there, we are all here for you!

It seems like maybe nobody would be good enough for their youngest son....try not to take it too personal, and understand that after the wedding you and FH can have your life together and not have to answer to anyone.

If there are dresses that you absolutely love and our out of their 'budget', could you offer to pick up the rest of the cost?

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Posted by LBUDA

It seems like maybe nobody would be good enough for their youngest son....try not to take it too personal, and understand that after the wedding you and FH can have your life together and not have to answer to anyone.

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THIS!

Also, maybe his parents were the same way to their other daughters-in-law until they married their sons and they saw how much they did for them & how much they loved them. You never know...

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Posted by Bride in 2012

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Posted by LBUDA

It seems like maybe nobody would be good enough for their youngest son....try not to take it too personal, and understand that after the wedding you and FH can have your life together and not have to answer to anyone.

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THIS!

Also, maybe his parents were the same way to their other daughters-in-law until they married their sons and they saw how much they did for them & how much they loved them. You never know...

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This!

And maybe a solution to the dress problem is try to go without them with your mom or friend/sister and find a dress you love in the budget and then bring them back and tell them you decided that way they cant veto it! haha

Hey girl! Sorry your going thru this!!! I'm lucky i don't even have to deal with inlaws that much. Have you tried talking to your FH about how his parents are making you feel? I'm sure that if they hated you, they would have never offered to pay for your dress. Especially b/c it is something related to you. If I was you, I would discuss this feeling with FH and see his point of view. I know my FH has always given me my place in his family. He has stopped talking to cousins b/c they had something bad to say about me. Not that your FH will do the same with his parents, but maybe perhaps after you mention this to him, he'll be more observant of how his parents act around you and see what you are talking about. Then maybe he can say something to them.

Thank you all very much for your advice

I have spoken to FH about his parents and he doesn't think they hate me and he says that I am overreacting I know in my heart they do not care for me as much as they care for the other inlaws, but I am hoping they change once we are married (as some of you said they might!)

I also think it is a great I idea (someone posted about this) that I go with my mom or friend and find a dress I like, that is in their budget, and take them to go see it. That way they will not be able to shoot down every dress I try on!

Thank you all for the advice, I am so lucky I can come on here and vent to all of you ladies and have you understand where I am coming from!