Its been getting worse :(

I am having a really horrible day and I wanted to know if this was somewhat normal for lack of a better word/s.

Its been 3 months since my moms fiance has passed away and we thought she was coping a bit better. But, sad to say, we were wrong. Its like she has gone totally backwards. She find no joy in anything, she is always in a bad mood, she claims she wants to go out and then when we go somewhere, she is not happy. None of us think or expect her to be over this but my sister and I (who take the brunt of everything--and its worse for her cause she lives at home) feel like we are losing our minds. It has gotten to the point that no matter what we do isnt good enough anymore. First we get told that we do nothing for her (which so is not true) and in the next breathe shes saying we take over her life like she is a child who isnt capable of doing for herself. I have no idea what to do anymore. She says things like she wishes she were with him..but why? Where has everything gone that we have done for her?

We are mourning him also, none of our lives have been the same but at every turn my sister and I are getting screamed at, guilt trips are being thrown on us, we apparently make the wrong choices no matter what the situation...we are literally losing it. I guess htis is a stage of grief and its normal but its killing us. We lost a piece of my mom when he died and we dont know how to get it back. Nothing feels normal anymore. It has effected my marriage a bit (not that bad but the effects are there), the balance in life is absolutely ridiculous! I dont know what im asking for here..im sure no one can give me advice..maybe I just needed to vent. Thanks for letting me!

did you try finding out about that bereavement organization I saw in the magazine?

I agree with Tammy you need to get your Mom to go to a brevement counselor or support group. She needs to learn the steps so that she can start putting her life back together.

I wish I could give you some sound advice, but without any experience in this...all I can offer is support.

I am sure no one can really understand what your Mom is going through except people who have had a similar loss....
I can only imagine how hard it must be on you and your sister who are also grieveing the loss of someone so close to you.....

Know that in her heart, your Mom appreciates all that you have done. Her emotions are probably on such a rollercoaster though....and I can imagine how hard it is on you guys....

Keep doing what you have been doing and know that she may not say it, or show it - but I am SURE your support means the world to her....

Edited to add - I think a berevement counseler is a VERY good idea....they could help her see that she is alienating herself from the people that want to help her the most....Good Luck!

I looked all over for something...Tammy helped and Jaime I tried to show her widownet.com but she claims she doesnt and wont do any of that. I am so at a loss...I literally feel like I am losing my mind. Its so hard...I wish there could be some happiness in our lives again.

For example...this summer Anthony and I were supposed to take a real hm..we put it off so I didnt have to leave her...but when I mention going for our year anniversary...she like loses it..my sister cant even go out with a friend for dinner...its really bad

It defintely seems like she needs some outside counseling or bereavment group.
It won't matter much what you do or say to her...she is not thinking clearly enough while going through this grief to realize that she is putting herself and you through all this. If that makes sense?? She probably just feels very alone, even though you and your sister are there for her.
Would she be willing to go and talk to someone outside the family?? It may help her alot.

Noreen maybe you should contact a berevement counselor and ask them what to do! I highly doubt that he would want you all to stop living. Maybe the counselor can put in some suggestions of how to get her in. It is worth a shot.

What town are you in?

I'm sorry to hear your mom, you and your sister are going through such a hard time.
Have you suggested you go to a Bereavement Group meeting with her? Or maybe you and your sister can go to a meeting to help better understand what your mom is going through?? As you said you are all grieving his loss, and it may help you through the healing process.
Wishing you and your family better days ahead

Awe, Noreen, Im so sorry to hear about this. Its hard to know what a person is feeling, some people just react in their own way to grief. and unfortunately, the way some reacts, may hurt others around them
I dont have advice, Im not sure what is the best answer. Does she go out with any friends?
Does she visit him at the cemetary? or do anything special in honor of him?

God Bless you and your sis for being so strong, and for still being there in these tough times. Dont give up, I know you wont, but its hard to know what shes feeling.

My mom is a wonderful person but she basically doesnt deal with friends. Which in turn makes it harder on us. We went to the cemetary on Saturday hoping it would make it a bit better...the headstone was placed which made it more real to her, and they forgot to put that he served in Vietnam on it which made it 5897893 times worse. It seems everything we do to try to make it better..it makes it worse..we are trying so hard.

I would contact these people and ask them what would be the best way for you to help your mother!

Bereavement Groups for the Recently Widowed:
Forest Hills Community House
108-25 62nd Dr.
Forest Hills 592-5757

I hope that they can help you Noreen, you and your sister cannot and should not have to handle this alone!

its very hard when both you anf her are mouring - i go through this with fh at times - its a big loss for everyone!

My sister lost a baby and she was a MESS!! She sounds a lot like your mom.

I think you should let your mom be for a bit...give her a little space and let her deal with this in the way she knows how...conceling is a definte suggestion...I'm sorry you and your sister have to get the brunt of it, but try to hang in there...I know you understand what she's going through...

I just want to tell all of you that you mean so much to me. I have never been to a g2g or anything like that and still I consider you ladies such wonderful friends. I dont know what I would do without any of you.