I am having a really horrible day and I wanted to know if this was somewhat normal for lack of a better word/s.
Its been 3 months since my moms fiance has passed away and we thought she was coping a bit better. But, sad to say, we were wrong. Its like she has gone totally backwards. She find no joy in anything, she is always in a bad mood, she claims she wants to go out and then when we go somewhere, she is not happy. None of us think or expect her to be over this but my sister and I (who take the brunt of everything--and its worse for her cause she lives at home) feel like we are losing our minds. It has gotten to the point that no matter what we do isnt good enough anymore. First we get told that we do nothing for her (which so is not true) and in the next breathe shes saying we take over her life like she is a child who isnt capable of doing for herself. I have no idea what to do anymore. She says things like she wishes she were with him..but why? Where has everything gone that we have done for her?
We are mourning him also, none of our lives have been the same but at every turn my sister and I are getting screamed at, guilt trips are being thrown on us, we apparently make the wrong choices no matter what the situation...we are literally losing it. I guess htis is a stage of grief and its normal but its killing us. We lost a piece of my mom when he died and we dont know how to get it back. Nothing feels normal anymore. It has effected my marriage a bit (not that bad but the effects are there), the balance in life is absolutely ridiculous! I dont know what im asking for here..im sure no one can give me advice..maybe I just needed to vent. Thanks for letting me!
Fran M
Posted:
Member since
Re: Its been getting worse :(
Do you or your Mom have any religious affiliation? In addition to the contact Swags mentioned maybe you could find some help through them. Even if you are not very religious in times like some counseling with a religions leader can be very comforting.
This must be very hard for you. Please dont forget that you have your life to live and that it is not being selfish to sometimes put your life/marriage first.
kmcwed
Posted:
Member since
Re: Its been getting worse :(
I agree that your mom would benefit from a bereavement group or counselor, but I also know that she has to want to go or there's really nothing you can do. We can't force people to do things. It can be very frustrating!
It must be so hard for you.
It's possible that her grief has turned into more of a real depression. Is she showing any signs of depression, other than the ones she's already showing? Crying spells? Weight loss or gain? Change in sleep patterns? Anxiety? Restlessness? Irritability? Loss of interest in things she usually enjoys?
Everyone goes through some degree of depression after a loss like this, but sometimes instead of coming through it, it gets deeper. I really think a counselor is the best way to go.
I hope she will listen to you and try it. But you have to keep in mind there is only so much you can do for her, and then she has to want to help herself.
