Ive got the blues

Original post by aliciahelene

Mar 15, 2005 12:40 PM

Since you guys are always so cheerful and supportive..I just need to vent. Any advice would be appreciated too...
You all know how excited I am about this adoption, and that hasnt changed, but lately I find myself very down..its this waiting around..its killing me. I heard this was the hardest part, but I didnt believe it. I feel more down than excited, I feel frustrated and sad.
I guess if you are carrying, you know your child is safe in your stomach. my children are clear across the world in dirty, filthy, disease ridden orpahanges and I dont know if they are safe. TB is running wild over there right now and one of the workers has died of it.
Im watching family after family go over and bring their child home..im still waiting.
I check my email and phone messages a thousand times a day, I dont even know what Im checking for. I guess Im praying for news of a court date, but it maybe happen soon, it may not happen for several months. There is nothing I can do. I guess Ima bigger control freak then I was aware of ..because this is all out of my control and it *****.
I am keeping so very busy..that I dont have any more free time..yet I still find time to worry. I dream, I breathe, I think Ethiopia.
Im thinking about going to talk to someone..I really dont feel normal right now..I feel like I need help. Thanks for listening..I needed to vent desperately

juju Posted: Mar 15, 2005 05:03 PM

Re: Ive got the blues

I've been thinking of you! I think it's natural for a Mother to feel the way you do. Continue to send them your letters. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

lvdolphins Posted: Mar 15, 2005 05:10 PM

Re: Ive got the blues

TwoBugs Posted: Mar 15, 2005 05:12 PM

Re: Ive got the blues

I'm sure all moms-to-be feel this way! Whether they're in our bellies or in a developing country, we only want our children to be happy and healthy. You have to know that you are doing everything that you could possibly be doing for them.

Also, don't get upset if the test comes back positive for exposure to TB. It is highly likely they have been exposed at some point in their lives. It does not mean that they will come down with full-blown tuberculosis. Many of us are exposed multiple times and do not even know it.

palebride Posted: Mar 15, 2005 05:19 PM

Re: Ive got the blues

I'm sure you're not alone in this - but that doesn't make it any easier, does it?
Just think how quickly the time has gone since you first saw their adorable faces in those pictures....how much time has passed since then?
The time will fly and then you will have them to hug and kiss and you will forget this feeling completely!

skew Posted: Mar 15, 2005 05:31 PM

Re: Ive got the blues

Moehick Posted: Mar 15, 2005 05:39 PM

Re: Ive got the blues

Lots of for you. Continue to write letters and prepare for their homecoming, hopefully it will get easier

kdelace Posted: Mar 15, 2005 05:42 PM

Re: Ive got the blues

i know it hurts to know they are over there whn you just want them in your arms... dont worry- your day will come. you are a beautiful woman who is giving these children a new life.. they dont know how truly lucky they will be. I think of you often Alicia and oyu have been there for me when I needed to vent... Just know if you ever need to vent, fm me!!! I'm a good listener!

aliciahelene Posted: Mar 15, 2005 06:43 PM

Re: Ive got the blues

Thanks so much. I know this has to be normal..it just is harder than I thought. I first saw them in very late November..and it is already March. Everyone told me that the waiting around is the hardest..I just thought it would be the easiest since all of our paperwork was done..but it really is the hardest. I THINK if the courts keep processing the way they have been, that within the next 30 days..I may have a court date. Once I get that court date..ill be so excited and running around doing last minute things..Ill be good then.
I am picking up my friend tomorrow night..we lived together in Munich at age 10 and have been close ever since, she lives in Texas..so we will have fun this weekend..the parade/bars in the city, etc. Ill just be drinkin alot this week. Ill drown my sorrows

CC59 Posted: Mar 15, 2005 09:18 PM

Re: Ive got the blues

Keep your head up and think of the joy you will have once you have those beautiful boys in your arms! Keep writing them letters to channel all of those thoughts!

swags1016 Posted: Mar 15, 2005 09:22 PM

Re: Ive got the blues

Alicia it's hard, I can only imagine. I am sure that you want them here, to hold them, to protect them and to love them. They will be here so soon and all of these trying times will hopefully be a distant memory!!!

I hope the time passes quickly!!