Ive got the blues

Since you guys are always so cheerful and supportive..I just need to vent. Any advice would be appreciated too...
You all know how excited I am about this adoption, and that hasnt changed, but lately I find myself very down..its this waiting around..its killing me. I heard this was the hardest part, but I didnt believe it. I feel more down than excited, I feel frustrated and sad.
I guess if you are carrying, you know your child is safe in your stomach. my children are clear across the world in dirty, filthy, disease ridden orpahanges and I dont know if they are safe. TB is running wild over there right now and one of the workers has died of it.
Im watching family after family go over and bring their child home..im still waiting.
I check my email and phone messages a thousand times a day, I dont even know what Im checking for. I guess Im praying for news of a court date, but it maybe happen soon, it may not happen for several months. There is nothing I can do. I guess Ima bigger control freak then I was aware of ..because this is all out of my control and it *****.
I am keeping so very busy..that I dont have any more free time..yet I still find time to worry. I dream, I breathe, I think Ethiopia.
Im thinking about going to talk to someone..I really dont feel normal right now..I feel like I need help. Thanks for listening..I needed to vent desperately

That's an awful feeling. it's totally understandable. ANY mother would feel the same way if her children were on the other side of the world in a terribly dangerous place. ANY mother would feel that way. If you feel you want to talk to someone, maybe it would help you, but what you are feeling is Totally normal. It'll feel SO great when you can finally hold them in your arms!

Is there any kind of support group for others who are adopting kids from other countries? I am sure that there are others in your shoes and I bet it would be more of a comfort to be able to share with them too. They'll really understand where you're at right now.

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Posted by aliciahelene

Im thinking about going to talk to someone..I really dont feel normal right now..I feel like I need help.

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that might not be a bad idea...

this too shall pass...before you know it, it'll be september and you'll be sending the boys to school--all primed and ready to learn in america!

I think i need psychological help
I do write ina journal, Im also making the boys their lifebooks, I do chat with other parents adopting through Ethiopia, I know its normal to feel like this, but its not normal for me. I feel really down. Ive gotta get ahold of myself, because this is brutal.

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Posted by marymoon



That's an awful feeling. it's totally understandable. ANY mother would feel the same way if her children were on the other side of the world in a terribly dangerous place. ANY mother would feel that way. If you feel you want to talk to someone, maybe it would help you, but what you are feeling is Totally normal. It'll feel SO great when you can finally hold them in your arms!

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I totally agree with Jenn. You are such an amazing woman with one of the biggest hearts out there

Thanks. Im sure this is a wierd phase Im going through. If I can just get through these next few months..this hell will be behind me. Im so afraid something will happen to them, like they'll get TB. One of the oprhange workers died, which means it could have possibly been exposed to the children. so now of course Im obsessing about everything. My bets friend since I was 10 is coming to visit, her flight gets in tomorrow night, so she will be good for me this week. Shes crazy and fun and such a good friend..Im sure Ill be able to relax as soon as I see her. Im just in afunk..id swear this was PMS..only 100 times worse.
I think ive made myself too busy thinking time would fly, that Im not taking time for myself, which was a kistake on my part. Things will let up though. Thanks for listening

I don't think that you are feeling anything thats abnormal, you want your children here, the wait is excruciating, and the knowing about all thats going on over there - makes it that much harder to bare. I feel for you, but I truly think that its normal to feel all the emotions that your feeling.
But please - you know yourself better than anyone else, if you need help you get the help you need.
If you need to vent - we are all here ready and willing to listen.

Hang in there. I imagine it must be a hard time but have faith that you will see your precious boys soon.

Thanks!!! I was sitting here thinking what would I tell myself if I were my own client, and I decided that maybe a different support group may be what I need. The one I am part of is through our agency..there are many families waiting just like me, but there are also those who are going over and bringing their children home. I am grateful for them because that is how I am able to send the boys cards and pictures every few weeks, but I may need something more specific, for the waiting around. I also think a little St, Johns Wort may boost me out of my funk. Thanks again for listening..Im going to harass my agency again and see if they know anything about court dates..one of these days..Im bound to get lucky and they'll say yes..book your tickets!!!
I am also going to treat myself nicely this week. Im going to do things for myself..ive been so busy that I forgot to really take care of myself. My husband is working night and day, and we havent really seen each other. I am taking him away, nowhere big, just out of NJ to relax, maybe go whitewater rafting..so that'll be good for us too. Ill be ok..I just wish time could move a bit faster!!!

I cannot even fathom what you are feeling, Alicia... most of the ladies gave you some good advice .. all I'm going to do right now is lend you my support and give you lots of these!

alicia please dont be down it normal what you are feeling we are here for you and we love you, you have sucha heart of gold , and you are also a angel sent from heaven angels are not suppose to be sad! think about those little boys who are going to be coming home to your beautiful home and they are going to be safe and warm in your loving arms you and dex's you are very precious and like I said we are here for you and if you ever want to talk fm me anytime. love ya alicia!

Alicia, you have all of our love and support. I think that waiting, as difficult as it may be, might be a good thing. You want to make sure that all the paperwork and everything goes through the Ethiopian government properly before you get over there, so that your trip goes beautifully and smoothly, no complications.

Biruk and Paulos know how much you love them already, and I am certain that all the women on LIW and in your life are praying for you, Dex, and the boys.

Thanks you guys!!! Im sure Ill be fine soon..I just wish I had more control over the situation. I wish they could be kept safe from anything bad. One man just went over to pick up his daughters, one has cancer and had lost an eye and now the cancer is back. His baby that he adopted was in the hospital when he got there. The medical is terrible from what I know. I know they had restested the children to see if they were exposed to the Tuberculosis, but I dont know when we will hear results. So my mind is getting the best of me and Im thinking the worst. Which *****.
The boys must know that we love them, we send cards, pictures, stickers, and even things we arent supposed to every chance we get, which thankfully has been every few weeks, so they know they are loved...Ill be ok..this is just a really bad week. I just needed to vent and complain and feel sorry for myself. Thanks so much for letting me. I know Ill be feeling fine soon. Maybe a parent will come back with some new pictures of Biruk and Paulos and then Ill feel happy again.
Maybe the investigator will have good news about their relatives..something good will happen soon.