Jewish brides--are you going to the Mikvah???

Ok, I know it's a personal question so feel free to answer the poll anonymously or FM me if you want to chat.

FH and I are not very religious at all but the Rabbi mentioned this to us.

The Rabbi said that even men sometimes go nowadays.

I only have one friend who ever went. She keeps kosher and is from a more religious familiy than I am. I spoke to some other friends who are shocked that I would consider it (based on knowing me, I guess).

FH thinks I should go just before the wedding, to experience it once so I'll always know what it is like, since I love to learn. Also, it is considered a mitzvah to go.

I decided not to go and my FH is fine with that. Our rabbi asked us about it but I really do not want to. I shower at least once every day and sometimes two or three times per day. I really feel that it was a wonderful idea when first put into place since regular bathing was not available or practiced 2000 years ago. With modern plumbing, I think the need has dissipated. This is just my personal opinion. Please do not flame me for it. If it is right for you, then by all means go to the mickvah, it is just not for me.

Oh, I guess I hadn't thought of it like that. I'm totally unsure.

A friend of mine was telling me that his wife just lied to the Rabbi and said 'Yeah, I went.' I don't think it would come to that with our Rabbi anyway.

I am curious about what it is like. My friend took his baby b/c the child's mother wasn't Jewish and it was part of the conversion process for the baby. They videotaped it!!

This will get graphic so if you are sensitive please stop reading.

From my understanding, it is a whirlpool shaped tub and you wear a white shroud (think of the men's undershirts with the tzitzi's on the four corners) and they say a blessing over you. It is basically done to make sure you are not tuma (unclean) and then you follow the laws of family purity. Basically go without physical touching for two weeks and at your most fertile time you spend it completing a double mitzvah the big S on the Sabbath. Between getting your little friend and your most fertile time you use a small white cloth and insert it to make sure that you are absolutely clean. I.e., no blood remnants are left. I have heard this is an excellent way to detect if you are having any female problems. But if you find blood or a problem you send the cloth to rabbi experts who will tell you if you should see a doctor. That is my understanding of the purpose of the mikvah and the reason to go monthly.

Well, I think that sounds like a very Orthodox way of doing it. I'll consider the dunking in the Mikvah but I am not shoving something up there and then showing it to a Rabbi!!!

I thnk my friend wore a regular robe to approach the Mikvah!!!!

Lol. I completely understand. You might be right, there are many levels of Judaism. In the end, you need to do what is right for you and your DF.
Lisa

In one of my Jewish studies classes they told us that you go in completely naked, and you have to shower beforehand and clean under the nails and there can be NOTHING on you, and it's staffed by only women when it's the woman's time to go (I think they divide it and ahve certian times for men and women), and it's supposed to be connected to a moving, flowinf body of water, and they'll often have all of the different privae mikvah rooms that connect in some way to the water in the other rooms so it's always flowing. That might be a more orthodox view of it and not what's practical today, I'm not sure.

I'm not Jewish, but FH is and I'm very active in studying judaism, we sometimes go to temple, etc, but the only time I think I'd personally consider it either way would be before the wedding for some kind of purification, you know?

I also wanted to add that I think any natural moving body of water can be a mikvah, so you can go into the ocean naked and that can be considered a kosher mikvah as well. I kind of like the idea of a spiritual purification before marriage.

I would never in a million years consider going every month. This comes from a culture where women who have their periods are dirty, and that actually I think in leviticus ist says that a man who lies with a woman who ist on the rag (not in those words of course) he can be put to death for that crime because it's contamination. That's why many orthodox people have two separate beds (Fh's grandparents had this), and they will separate them from the time the woman gets AF to the time she goes into the mikvah. There are also rules that a woman cannot delay going to the mikvah just to deny her husband sex. LOL

But you have to kepe in mind that these rules DID come at a time when people really didn't bathe regularly, and they didn't have always with wings, so AF could be a really messy thing, and they didn't know as much about medicine, etc, and they didn't know that a woman's menstrual blood won't cause insnity or disease.

I want to say I don't think anyone's wrong for doing this, it can be a great spiritual experience to do it every month, but I don't think I personally would like the idea of feeling like my period is somehow 'dirty', etc. JMO.

Well, then I think that maybe I should make my own modern interpretation and just swim in the ocean before my wedding. Then I'll know in my mind that I did the Mikvah, I just did it my way. Seriously, I love the beach, FH and I met at the beach and it would be meaningful.

I guess I have some time to decide about all of this!!!

I thought about it briefly but certainly not to the extent of orthodoxy. If there was a less intense way of doing it - a simple dunking to perhaps 'wash away my past' then yes I would. Getting naked doesn't freak me out. My body is far from perfect but there are many more women that do it monthly who look a lot worse naked than I would!

Then again, being the rebel Jew that I am, I'd get leered at or rejected because I have tattoos.

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Posted by ssdbk

Well, then I think that maybe I should make my own modern interpretation and just swim in the ocean before my wedding. Then I'll know in my mind that I did the Mikvah, I just did it my way. Seriously, I love the beach, FH and I met at the beach and it would be meaningful.

I guess I have some time to decide about all of this!!!

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I like this idea. People DO do it.

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Posted by Goldi1021

I thought about it briefly but certainly not to the extent of orthodoxy. If there was a less intense way of doing it - a simple dunking to perhaps 'wash away my past' then yes I would. Getting naked doesn't freak me out. My body is far from perfect but there are many more women that do it monthly who look a lot worse naked than I would!

Then again, being the rebel Jew that I am, I'd get leered at or rejected because I have tattoos.

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Yeah, I won't worry about how I look naked. I shop at a Loehmann's in an orthodox neighborhood and I've seen all shapes and sizes in the dressing rooms!!!!

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Posted by ssdbk

Yeah, I won't worry about how I look naked. I shop at a Loehmann's in an orthodox neighborhood and I've seen all shapes and sizes in the dressing rooms!!!!

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I work in Crown Heights and I feel like I may as well be a pagan.

ooppsss.. I said yes but its really no.

I am not doing it.

Our Cantor said that very few people do it now - he is reform.

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Posted by May05Bride

ooppsss.. I said yes but its really no.

I am not doing it.

Our Cantor said that very few people do it now - he is reform.

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Most Reform clergy do not require many of the wedding rituals that Orthodoxy does but they will incorporate what you like in a modified version (ie walking around the groom 7 or three times OR walking around each other)

Please do not think of this as condescending, but thank you for knowing that the correct word is REFORM and not REFORMED. Whenever people (Jews AND Non-Jews) say 'I am REFORMED,' I often wonder what they did in their lives that they had to REFORM from and it IRKS me to no end.

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Posted by Goldi1021

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Posted by ssdbk

Well, then I think that maybe I should make my own modern interpretation and just swim in the ocean before my wedding. Then I'll know in my mind that I did the Mikvah, I just did it my way. Seriously, I love the beach, FH and I met at the beach and it would be meaningful.

I guess I have some time to decide about all of this!!!

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I like this idea. People DO do it.

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I think it's a great idea, and according to my teacher, who is a rabbi, it was perfectly acceptable. I might do it too. i might not get naked in public, but still..wait..then again..my wedding is in december...brrrr

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Posted by Goldi1021

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Posted by May05Bride

ooppsss.. I said yes but its really no.

I am not doing it.

Our Cantor said that very few people do it now - he is reform.

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Most Reform clergy do not require many of the wedding rituals that Orthodoxy does but they will incorporate what you like in a modified version (ie walking around the groom 7 or three times OR walking around each other)

Please do not think of this as condescending, but thank you for knowing that the correct word is REFORM and not REFORMED. Whenever people (Jews AND Non-Jews) say 'I am REFORMED,' I often wonder what they did in their lives that they had to REFORM from and it IRKS me to no end.

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Me too! I'm like a reformed what? A reformsd sex addict?

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Posted by Goldi1021

I was raised Conservative. I am practicing Reform but I am intrigued by Orthodoxy. Maybe I should create a new movement - Conformoxy.

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I think they're called refconstructionists!

haha. I went to a reconstructionist service. It was really OUT THERE. In some ways they were really really left of center, and then in other wyas they wewre really strict. It was very odd. It was also in woodstock NY and they had a quilt up with peace signs everywhere, so that may ahve contributed to the weirdness!

I had an employee once who was Orthodox and he kinda treated me like I'm not a real Jew. I cannot imagine what he would say if he knew that I mignt not go to the Mikvah.

Ok, to break up the seriousness of the discussion........my sisters kids are not really being raised in any religion (interfaith marriage). So, they were all invited to my FILs for Passover, which was very nice. My FFIL announced that we will all take turns reading from the Hagadah. My niece speaks up and says, 'I can't do that. I don't know how to read Yarmulke style.'

Well, it was funny at the time!!!!