Jewish rehearsal dinners?

My FMIL said she'd be ablt to contribute some $ toward the wedding, but we don't want her to have control over the reception, etc, because she hates everything I do, and honestly, i don't care, so we thought a good solution would be to ask her to pay for the rehearsal dinner, which is 'traditionally' waht the groom's parents pay for. She said she dones't know because she has no idea what that is and jewish people don't ave rehearsal dinners!

Is this true?

She's really fond of making sh*t up, so I never know.

Re: Jewish rehearsal dinners?

Ok-- well, I am having one and everyone I know had one! My dad said the same thing- and even said the same thing re: bridal showers.. whatever he knows nothing (and he is more the Jewish mother in the family!)

I think their generation did not have them cause it typically was after you rehearse at the church.. Now, the RD (I said the same thing to my dad) has evolved into a more intimate dinner party with close friends and family the night before the wedding to ensure you spend time with everyone and you can express thanks to everyone who deserves it. It is also an opportunity for people to publicly say something to the bride and groom who either a- won't have a chance at the wedding or b- are too afraid to get up and speak in front of 200 people.

Re: Jewish rehearsal dinners?

We had an out of town luncheon and also invited the BP. We had it in a Chinese retsaurant, and it went over very well.

Re: Jewish rehearsal dinners?

We are definitely not having one....most of the weddings I have been in or gone too have not have a rehearsal dinner either, so she isn't making it up, but its not a set thing, there is no rule saying jewish ppl don't have them

Re: Jewish rehearsal dinners?

We are not having one. I know people that have had them and people that haven't. If we were having more OOT guests, than I think we would have one.

Re: Jewish rehearsal dinners?

We didn't have an actual 'rehearsal' before the wedding, but we did have a brunch for the BP the weekend before the wedding to give them gifts and timing for the wedding day.

Re: Jewish rehearsal dinners?

We had one, but as someone else said, not really a rehearsal dinner, but more of a dinner for all of our out-of-town guests... we had our wedding on a Sunday afternoon in the hamptons, with about 40 of our guests staying at the Inn where we were having the wedding, so as a nice gesture, my parents hosted a dinner for all of the out-of-town guests the night before...

Re: Jewish rehearsal dinners?

Traditionally, Jews do not have a 'rehearsal' dinner b/c we are not supposed to have to rehearse for our wedding. However, I know many people throw a dinner for their out of town guests. We had Brad's Auf-Ruf (calling to the Torah) the Saturday before, and his parents sponsored a luncheon at the synagogue. Then they all had brunch at the hotel for the OOTers the morning after the wedding.

Re: Jewish rehearsal dinners?

It is customary that jewish weddings (when both the bride and groom are jewish ) do not have Rehearsal dinners. None of my friends including myself has had one. However the only time as Jax430 said, is if you are having out of town guests so they call it an out of town guest dinner.

Also if you are a jewish bride and you are getting married on a Saturday night, and usually these dinners are the night before. You would not be able to have one since Friday night starts the Sabbath.

Re: Jewish rehearsal dinners?

bottom line- I think it depends how religious you are.

Re: Jewish rehearsal dinners?

My future husband is Jewish and his family is planning on throwing a rehearsal dinner.
I think that you should accept your future mother in law's offer to pay for some of the party. The rehearsal dinner is what she's supposed to pay for anyways. If you don't feel comfortable having her decide on too much maybe you just suggest she pays for her own guests. In my case, that's like 120 people and as you know with banquet halls, that's not a small sum.

Re: Jewish rehearsal dinners?

According to my mom also, 'Jewish people don't have RD.' But, my FH is not Jewish, and the only thing his mother is willing to pay for is the RD...and that's our 'gift', so damn right I'm having a RD

Anyway, to be more politically correct I guess, we're not actually rehearsing anything, it's really a luncheon rather than dinner, and we're calling it a 'pre-nuptial luncheon'. ugh.

Re: Jewish rehearsal dinners?

Traditionally, Jews don't have rehearsals (according to tradition, a bride shouldn't stand under the Chuppah more then once, so only on her actual wedding day) and that is why they didn't tend to have rehearsal dinners. But, like a lot of the other ladies mentioned, we are having the equivalent of a rehearsal dinner, but just calling it a 'night before dinner.'

We are having so many people in from out of town and the wedding is a Sunday night, so we felt that it would be nice for us to do something for them on Sat night. It will be very casual though. My parents don't really get it (same goes with the whole bridal shower concept), since they also think that those are not Jewish traditions. But, as so many others have pointed out - traditions change! You should do whatever you feel comfortable with.

Re: Jewish rehearsal dinners?

We had a catered BBQ two days before the wedding for the wedding party, immediate family, and OOT guests - this was our equivalent of a 'rehearsal dinner.'

Re: Jewish rehearsal dinners?

We are having one but it's coming from a push from my side, not FH's side. We (FH and I) are actually the ones throwing it, it's more of a Thank You Luncheon for our parents and BP.

Re: Jewish rehearsal dinners?

well we're having an interfaith ceremony and there most likely will be a rehearsal, and even if there isn't, we'd still like to take our families and BP out. I'll have to explain it to FMIL...sigh

Re: Jewish rehearsal dinners?

My DH is Catholic and I am Jewish. We had a dinner but just called it that...for our bridal party and out of town guests. We did go over some logisitics but I would not call it an actual rehersal. Since we got married at the catering hall they offered us to rehearse a few days earlier but we wanted to do something 2 days before and couldn't coordiante a time that worked.

Re: Jewish rehearsal dinners?

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Posted by randella

bottom line- I think it depends how religious you are.

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I agree, we're having one but calling it a pre-wedding dinner. It has nothing to do with religion or rehearsing, it's just a nice way to have close family and the bridal party together for dinner.

Re: Jewish rehearsal dinners?

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Posted by randella

Ok-- well, I am having one and everyone I know had one! My dad said the same thing- and even said the same thing re: bridal showers.. whatever he knows nothing (and he is more the Jewish mother in the family!)

I think their generation did not have them cause it typically was after you rehearse at the church.. Now, the RD (I said the same thing to my dad) has evolved into a more intimate dinner party with close friends and family the night before the wedding to ensure you spend time with everyone and you can express thanks to everyone who deserves it. It is also an opportunity for people to publicly say something to the bride and groom who either a- won't have a chance at the wedding or b- are too afraid to get up and speak in front of 200 people.

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Well said! No one seems to understand the RD thing.

We are having one for our immediate family and OOT guests and bridal party the night before. It will be a more intimate setting where we can spend a few moments with the people closest to us because the day of the wedding, we will be too busy.

Re: Jewish rehearsal dinners?

I don't think she is making it up. It's a very recent thing for Jewish people to have things like rehearsal dinners so in her mind she could legitamately not be into it. What about a brunch or the band or the photographer - would she agree on either of those to help out w/o getting controlling?