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JOTD 12/12

enjft Posted:

JOTD 12/12

Why, Why, Why

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes
that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put
it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you stupid idiot?'

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best
friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
TreAnt425 Posted:

Re: JOTD 12/12

enjft Posted:

Re: JOTD 12/12

Wedding Anniversary Gift

A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary.

His wife told him 'Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway
for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat'.

The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Funeral arrangements for the
husband have been set for Saturday.
Mrs. Powell Posted:

Re: JOTD 12/12

enjft Posted:

Re: JOTD 12/12

When is @#$% Acceptable?

There are only eleven times in history where the 'F' word has been considered acceptable for use.

They are:

11. 'What the @#$% do you mean,
we're sinking?'
-- Capt. E.J. Smith, RMS Titanic, 1912

10 . 'What the @#$% was that?'
-- Mayor Of Hiroshima , 1945

9. 'Where the @#$% did all those Indians come from?'
-- Custer, 1877 !

8. 'Why the @#$% can't you understand what I'm saying?'
-- Einstein, 1938

7. 'Who the @#$% says it doesn't look like her!'
-- Picasso, 1926

6. 'How the @#$% did you work that out?'
-- Pythagoras, 126 BC

5. 'You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?'
-- Michelangelo, 1566

4. 'Where the @#$% are we?'
-- Amelia Earhart, 1937

3. ' @#$% the house, get in the boat!'
-- Noah, 4314 BC

2. 'Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?'
-- Bill Clinton, 1998

and a drum roll please.........!

1. 'How the @%#* was I to know they'd get this mad.'
-- Saddam Hussein, 2003



prinses777 Posted:

Re: JOTD 12/12



Where do you get these???
enjft Posted:

Re: JOTD 12/12


Posted by prinses777



Where do you get these???



People email them to me.
BernandRob Posted:

Re: JOTD 12/12

enjft Posted:

Re: JOTD 12/12

Okay, Okay, it finally all makes sense now... I never looked at it this way before:


MENtal illness


MENstrual cramps


MENtal breakdown


MENopause


GUYnocologist

AND

When we have REAL trouble, it's a HISterectomy.

Ever notice how all of women's problems start withMEN?

BernandRob Posted:

Re: JOTD 12/12

HUSBAND OF THE YEAR AWARDS...............
3rd Place goes to: Albania

2nd Place goes to: Serbia

and the winner of the man of the year is: Ireland
Ah, the Irish are true romantics.
At least he's holding her hand .........
Missladybug15 Posted:

Re: JOTD 12/12

OMG, I love it!!
JazzyT Posted:

Re: JOTD 12/12

FUTUREBRIDETOKEITH Posted:

Re: JOTD 12/12

These are so funny It has made me smile today

I thank you I know when I go on this board somebody will make me laugh , smile , and stop me from feeling sad , and angry

Thank you!
Lissy3077 Posted:

Re: JOTD 12/12

happybride07 Posted:

Re: JOTD 12/12

I love these!!!!
lisaslove Posted:

Re: JOTD 12/12

very funny
PegaLega Posted:

Re: JOTD 12/12

I love these....I look forward to them!

wematched Posted:

Re: JOTD 12/12

Love 'em!!
Bobbysgirl Posted:

Re: JOTD 12/12



Every one was better and better!

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