JOTD... Let's Laugh... We need it...
A woman talks to her friends:
- One day I went to a girl party and said to my husband that I will be back at 00:00. The party was cool, and all that but the time passed and it was already 3 o'clock so I went home. When I get in the clock starts screaming “Cucu-Cucu-Cucu!” so thinking that my husband will hear it I started singing “Cucu” 9 more times. Next day my husband asks me:
- What hour did you came back home last night?
- At 00:00!
- Oh! Ok. We must buy another clock.
- Why?
- Because this one sings at night “Cucu” 3 times after that he said “****!”, he singed 4 more time, he started laughing, he singed 5 more times and farted.
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
A guy sits at the TV and suddenly his wife hits him with a frying pan in the head...
- What was that for?!
- What’s with the name Laura Jonson, in this ticket?
- Oh, this is a horse’s name from the horse riding contests. I bet on him. The woman leaves peacefully... Next day, she hits him again, but this time even harder.
- What was that for?
- Your horse just called you!
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
A woman in the bus was sitting on a seat with her baby near a man. Suddenly she gets her breast out and wants to suckle her baby but the baby doesn’t want. She says:
- Eat, or else I will give to the mister over here!
They go tree more stations and the lady again wants to suckle the baby but he refuses again. The woman says again:
- Eat, or else I will give to the mister over here!
They get to Philadelphia... the scene repeats. The woman says again:
- Eat, or else I will give to the mister over here!
The bus goes on and the man jumps and says to the lady:
- Take a decision already, because I had to get down to Philadelphia!
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
A husband asks his wife:
- Tell me darling, has there been many mans before me?
She looks down and doesn’t say anything. After a half an hour the husband asks her:
- Did I say something wrong?
- No, I was just counting them!
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
A woman wants to make herself an egg when her husband enters in the house and starts screaming at her:
- Be careful!!! Be careful!!! More oil!! We need more oil!! It’s going to burn!! Be careful!! Turn it!! Turn it!! Turn it!! Come on!! Be careful!! Are you crazy?!! Oh my God!! Don’t forget the salt!!
- Why do you scream like that? Do you think I am not able to make an egg?
Very calm the man says to her:
- This is to give you an idea of how I feel when I’m driving the car and you sit right next to me...
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
Patrick came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front garden.
The door of his wife, Valerie’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the hall, Patrick found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the rug was piled up against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the worktop, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
Patrick quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for Valerie. He was worried she might be ill, collapsed, that something serious had happened.
He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and sink.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found Valerie still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.
Patrick looked at Valerie, bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?'
Valerie again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me sarcastically what in the world I do all day?'
'Yes,' was Patrick’s startled reply.
Valerie answered, 'Well, today, I didn't do it.'
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains. They had registered on Saturday and they had not been seen for 5 days. An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds.
The old man decided to go and see if they were all right. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked if they were OK.
'Yes, we're fine. We're living on the fruits of love'.
The old man replied, 'I thought so...would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window...they're choking my ducks!'
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
![]()
- One day I went to a girl party and said to my husband that I will be back at 00:00. The party was cool, and all that but the time passed and it was already 3 o'clock so I went home. When I get in the clock starts screaming “Cucu-Cucu-Cucu!” so thinking that my husband will hear it I started singing “Cucu” 9 more times. Next day my husband asks me:
- What hour did you came back home last night?
- At 00:00!
- Oh! Ok. We must buy another clock.
- Why?
- Because this one sings at night “Cucu” 3 times after that he said “****!”, he singed 4 more time, he started laughing, he singed 5 more times and farted.
A guy sits at the TV and suddenly his wife hits him with a frying pan in the head...
- What was that for?!
- What’s with the name Laura Jonson, in this ticket?
- Oh, this is a horse’s name from the horse riding contests. I bet on him. The woman leaves peacefully... Next day, she hits him again, but this time even harder.
- What was that for?
- Your horse just called you!
A woman in the bus was sitting on a seat with her baby near a man. Suddenly she gets her breast out and wants to suckle her baby but the baby doesn’t want. She says:
- Eat, or else I will give to the mister over here!
They go tree more stations and the lady again wants to suckle the baby but he refuses again. The woman says again:
- Eat, or else I will give to the mister over here!
They get to Philadelphia... the scene repeats. The woman says again:
- Eat, or else I will give to the mister over here!
The bus goes on and the man jumps and says to the lady:
- Take a decision already, because I had to get down to Philadelphia!
A husband asks his wife:
- Tell me darling, has there been many mans before me?
She looks down and doesn’t say anything. After a half an hour the husband asks her:
- Did I say something wrong?
- No, I was just counting them!
A woman wants to make herself an egg when her husband enters in the house and starts screaming at her:
- Be careful!!! Be careful!!! More oil!! We need more oil!! It’s going to burn!! Be careful!! Turn it!! Turn it!! Turn it!! Come on!! Be careful!! Are you crazy?!! Oh my God!! Don’t forget the salt!!
- Why do you scream like that? Do you think I am not able to make an egg?
Very calm the man says to her:
- This is to give you an idea of how I feel when I’m driving the car and you sit right next to me...
Patrick came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front garden.
The door of his wife, Valerie’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the hall, Patrick found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the rug was piled up against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the worktop, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
Patrick quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for Valerie. He was worried she might be ill, collapsed, that something serious had happened.
He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and sink.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found Valerie still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.
Patrick looked at Valerie, bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?'
Valerie again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me sarcastically what in the world I do all day?'
'Yes,' was Patrick’s startled reply.
Valerie answered, 'Well, today, I didn't do it.'
A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains. They had registered on Saturday and they had not been seen for 5 days. An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds.
The old man decided to go and see if they were all right. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked if they were OK.
'Yes, we're fine. We're living on the fruits of love'.
The old man replied, 'I thought so...would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window...they're choking my ducks!'
