Jr Bridesmaid???

Ok this might be a stupid question... I asked my 12 year old cousin to be my Jr. Bridesmaid. I felt that she was way too young to be a BM but too old to be a flower girl. Well, we went to get her fitted for her dress and she is now telling me that she does not want to wear straps on her dress. All the BM's are wearing strapless dresses and we ordered hers with optional straps that can be attached at final fitting. I would really like for her to wear them for two reasons.... 1) she's only 12 and I think strapless is too much for her. and 2) I want her to stand out from the regular BM's. She's a kid-not one of my adult friends (all in their late 20's/early 30's). Her mom is a nut-so I wouldn't even bother talking to her about it!

Do I try to convince her to wear them or just shut my mouth and let her do what she wants? I really want her to look like a kid but I'm really bad with confrontation and maybe I shouldn't bother saying anything? Am I being a bridezilla?

Ok thank you! I am really bad with confrontation and usually I don't let anything bother me. But was starting to think that maybe I was being too picky and becoming a bridezilla! lol

You definitely need to explain to her that you want her to wear the straps to stand out from everyone else - plus I completely agree that it would be too much for her to go strapless... she IS a kid and should not be wearing strapless ANYTHING at this point - whoa... there's the 'mom' in me... sorry!
JMHO

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Posted by SoontobeMrsMc

Ok this might be a stupid question... I asked my 12 year old cousin to be my Jr. Bridesmaid. I felt that she was way too young to be a BM but too old to be a flower girl. Well, we went to get her fitted for her dress and she is now telling me that she does not want to wear straps on her dress. All the BM's are wearing strapless dresses and we ordered hers with optional straps that can be attached at final fitting. I would really like for her to wear them for two reasons.... 1) she's only 12 and I think strapless is too much for her. and 2) I want her to stand out from the regular BM's. She's a kid-not one of my adult friends (all in their late 20's/early 30's). Her mom is a nut-so I wouldn't even bother talking to her about it!

Do I try to convince her to wear them or just shut my mouth and let her do what she wants? I really want her to look like a kid but I'm really bad with confrontation and maybe I shouldn't bother saying anything? Am I being a bridezilla?

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the operative word here is

KID (ke~id) noun; .. which means child.., underage, a minor..
latin translation: hush up and do as your told!


no seriously, it's your call.. my bridesmaids have strapless...with a sash and a train. my junior has thick straps... with a ribbon no train.. same fabric will be the same color.. but different dress..

i would definetly say something...but (and jmo) i think you should avoid making it about wanting her to look like a kid, or looking younger, or 'it's in-appropriate'...while all those things are indeed true, it's hard to hear when your 12 and u want to look like the older girls....instead make it more about you wanting her to stand out from the other girls...tell her that she should be distinctive because she's the jr. bridesmaid and u want her dress to have a different look so she stands out. i think it would sway her more...and make her feel better. if not, dont worry - she's 12 - she'll get over it.

My Jr bm dresses had optional straps too and my 13 yr old cousin chose not to wear them and my 14 neice chose to wear them. I let them decide whatever they felt comfortable with as long as it was ok with their parents.


Jr. BMs are sitting on the ground with the black dresses. You can see the difference with the straps

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Posted by jtgarsik

i would definetly say something...but (and jmo) i think you should avoid making it about wanting her to look like a kid, or looking younger, or 'it's in-appropriate'...while all those things are indeed true, it's hard to hear when your 12 and u want to look like the older girls....instead make it more about you wanting her to stand out from the other girls...tell her that she should be distinctive because she's the jr. bridesmaid and u want her dress to have a different look so she stands out. i think it would sway her more...and make her feel better. if not, dont worry - she's 12 - she'll get over it.

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I agree , my daughter is 10 and she will be a Jr. Bridesmaid, at that age you should just put emphasis on how you want her to be different because her role is a special role as the only jr. bm if there is anything else you can add to her dress too like a small brooch or something that makes her happy.

No, you have a right to say something...but you have to do it diplomatically because she's 12 and a Jr. BM-if she were older and a BM, you could rationalize with her, and she is more likely to understand why you are asking what you are asking; if she were a FG, she would be younger and they are at the eager to please stage and usually so excited, they don't care. I have this issue with my 11 year old sister. This is why they are 12-they are stubborn impossible pains in the butts, and it comes with the territory.

Here is how I personally did this on another subject with my sis-somewhere between rationalizing and bribing. I would pull her aside and explain that she has a special honor, akin to the MOH (even if this is not true, it worked for me), and you want her to stand out so everyone will know her special honor. Tell her that it has nothing to do with her age (even though it does), and explain that different roles require different looks in the wedding, and this signifies her specific role...emphasize that she is sooo mature and sooo old (12 going on 34)...this worked, I would try it!

If not, tell the shop to sew on the straps, and when you go in, whisper to them that when you complain, they have to say there is nothing they can do about it (she likely won't catch on)! Nothing like a little white lie!

Good luck!

HA HA HA!!!!! Good idea! I will try to talk with her first and then if all else fails, I will pay the bridal shop to sew them in before pick up!!

My 10 yro god daughter is my junior BM and with absolutely no doubt she is not wearing strapless. Even if she wanted to.
If you dont want yours to wear strapless and think its inappropriate at your wedding tell her ...NO.
Its your wedding end of story.

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Posted by jtgarsik

i would definetly say something...but (and jmo) i think you should avoid making it about wanting her to look like a kid, or looking younger, or 'it's in-appropriate'...while all those things are indeed true, it's hard to hear when your 12 and u want to look like the older girls....instead make it more about you wanting her to stand out from the other girls...tell her that she should be distinctive because she's the jr. bridesmaid and u want her dress to have a different look so she stands out. i think it would sway her more...and make her feel better. if not, dont worry - she's 12 - she'll get over it.

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Totally agree with this!!!! My niece is my Jr. BM and she is 11 actually 1 1/2 months shy of 12 by my wedding and she is wearing straps. The dress we chose didn't have an option though. My BM are wearing strapless and she tried it on but looked way to OLD for her. I would just tell her you want her to stand out from the other girls so you want her to wear the straps.

I think 12 is kind of young for strapless. Kids these days!!! When I was 12 you had to see the dresses I wore...poofy dresses with shoulder padsUGH! ...MAYBE it was sleeveless if I was lucky!

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Posted by Madorie

I think 12 is kind of young for strapless. Kids these days!!! When I was 12 you had to see the dresses I wore...poofy dresses with shoulder padsUGH! ...MAYBE it was sleeveless if I was lucky!

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so true...SHOULDER PADS