Just broke engagement :(

Hello girls

I have logged in as a new name... my fiancé just broke our engagement over the phone... we were about to book our reception hall and he kept making excuses about being sick, so I canceled three times. Finally he admitted that he's having cold feet and doesn't know if he wants to get married or not.

He doesn't know what he wants in life at all... says he wants to have a family, wants me to be the mother of his children, but doesn't know if he wants to marry me?!?!?

We have been together 5 years and he's 36 years old, living in his parents' house. We were planning to buy a home together this year, now he says that he'll either buy a house himself or get an apartment.

He wants to keep dating me but said that he knows I don't want to wait around forever.

He doens't know if he'll ever be ready.

I don't know what to do. He wants to keep our church date, just in case.

I am so confused, I love him so much, but I don't know what to do? Should I just break up with him? Wait? He said counseling won't help, he just has to figure this out by himself.

? thank you girls for all of your help.

I am so sorry! I don't think you should rush to a decision tonight or tomorrow. I think I would try couple's counseling and find out what is going on and why he couldn't talk to you about this in person. I know that it is hard, right now, but what is meant to be will be. I would definitely give the counseling a shot.

I'm so sorry!! Definitely take some time and think about things. You deserve someone who loves you and if he isn't the one, you will find true love one day! Hugs!!

Honey, I am so sorry to hear this. If you were my daughter I would just ask you one question. If he called tomorrow, next week, next month... and said he was ready, would you be sure he wouldn't do this again to you the next day? It's a hard one to answer, but he just showed his colors in a very big way. You deserve better. By holding onto the church he is holding onto your heart strings. He can't have it both ways. I apologize if I'm being blunt, but again, I'm thinking how I would speak to my daughter.
Good luck. Everyone here cares!

I'm so sorry!!! I agree that you shouldn't rush into making any decisions at this time but I do think you should NOT continue dating him, at least immediately. Give yourself some time and space to heal from this and get some perspective.

I really don't want to sound harsh but if he's 36 yrs old and claims he doesn't know what he wants, to me that seems like he doesn't want you. The reason I say that is because if that happened to me, that's what I would think. (Which doesn't necessarily mean that's the case with him )So I would seriously consider not wasting any more time with him and moving on.

But, before I did that, I would also seriously consider couples counseling. I know you said he doesn't want to try counseling, but that says something too.

Again, I am so sorry this is happening to you. Try to find some comfort in the belief that everything happens for a reason and, like another poster said, what is meant to be will be.

Good luck and lots of

I am truly sorry you're going through this. However, better now than later. I think you answered your own question in your words. You wrote that he said, he has to do this on his own. That my friend, is something he and only he can do. It is not fair to you for him to be able to run around and do as he pleases if you 2 are suppose to be a couple. I've had 4 of my friends break off their engagement, only to find true love down the road. Just went to one of their weddings this past Sept. & she couldn't be happier.

I think you have to ask yourself a lot of questions. Is this the type of man you want to spend your life with?
I know you love him, and you always will, but sometimes, love isn't enough.
Take some 'self' time and figure out what it is that YOU want from your husband in life. Then see if it can be him?? I wish you the best of luck!!! FM me if you need anyone to talk to!!!

to you.
I hope things work out in the end for you.

I am so very sorry for you. I feel as painful as all this is going to be to you, you need to listen to what he is really sayng to you. He does not want to get married.... maybe not now or maybe at all. However, I understand you love him very much..... But you must give him credit to at least tell you now, and not further down the road.

My suggestion to you.....
Have a conversation with him, be sweet and understanding with him, explain you repect his feeling and thank him for having the courage to say something to you. Then you break away from him completley. No, guilt trip on him, no phone calls, no stoping by to see him, or his parents, no calling his friends to ask how he is doing. Give him his time alone, his freedom etc. You tell him you love him so much, and all you want is for him to be happy, and if that means not having you in his life, then as much as you love him and will miss him, you will walk away. You must let him know what it is really is like, not to have you at all in his life.

I am sure he loves you very much. If he loves you enough to have you as his wife, he will come back to you. However, be prepared to wait, maybe even a year. You must be strong, continue your life in the mean time.

This exact situation happend to 2 of my girlfriends. And they followed the above and both guys came crawlying back and are both married now.

But above all, hold your head up high smile even if it is killing you inside and be strong.
I believe in destiny and if he is meant for you, he will realize it too.

Be wishes to

I'm sorry your going through this. I hope that you can work things out. You are probably so confused right now so don't do anything drastic. You both need to sit down and have a major disscussion. Why did he do this over the phone? He can't tell you face to face?Don't wait for him to change do what you feel is best. I know that it hurts so much but you could be missing out on something else in life that could be really great.

sorry to hear this!

I'm really sorry to hear that

But quite honestly when I heard you say that he wants to still date you but doesn't know if marriage is for him....and wants to keep the church date - why string you along like that?

I'm sorry, I know that's probably not what you want to hear and I am sure he loves you, but you have to consider what's good for you also.

feel better like I always say, what's meant to be is meant to be.

I'm so sorry you are going through this...I am sure it will work itself out in the end. Maybe counseling could be an option if you think it would help. He needs to understand the importance of marriage and if he wants you to be the mother of his children, then he realizes how special you are. He has already reached maturity at 36, so I think you guys should have a long talk.

first i am very sorry for you! it is better you found out now before you actually got married. you said you have been dating for 5 yrs and he is currently 36 yrs old. in my honest opinion i think it is more than just cold feet. a person can tell after 2 yrs of dating wheather or not they are going to spend the rest of their life with a person. i would not under no circumstance plan or accidentially get pregnant!!! if you are not good enough to marry and become his wife why should you bear his children. life is too short to play games with a person's feelings or heart. you said you are younger than him and you want children, i would not waste my time and life waiting around for him. YOU DESERVE BETTER!! YOU DESERVE TO BE WITH A MAN WHO IS NOT AFRAID OF COMMITMENT. who knows he may have just did you a favor. you may actually meet your prince charming who will worship the ground you walk on, so you hold your head up high and do you!!!!!! WE R HER 4 U

I am really sorry to hear this.


I am not going to tell you what to do, but I will say what I would do and that is cut my losses.

This man is a coward - he does not even have enough respect for the 5 years that you have spent together to talk to you in person- what a jerk!!!

This is a case of someone who wants to have his cake and eat it to. You are good enough to date, but not good enough to marry- COME ON!!!!

If you really love and respect yourself, you will MOVE ON and rid yourself of this man.

You deserve BETTER!!!!

I am very sorry. I do agree with those that are saying you really have to think about this. Do you really want to play these games forever. I married(the first time around ) a man who lived at home and didn't really want to leave and we ended up staying there until I left him.
There are a lot of signs that he doesn't want to grow up and if you really want to be with him, you both need to go for counseling. You do not want to marry this man as things are, you will have many troubles down the road if you do.
I wish you the best of luck, and am very sorry for you. My prayers are with you, I am sure you are going through a rough time right now.
Hugs to you....

I am so so sorry. I can only imagine the hurt you feel right now.
You've gotten some very good advice here, I don't think I have anything to add. But I do believe you deserve more, and you deserve the relationship you want. By saying he wants to date, and keep the church date open, he is just stringing you along. You need to cut the ties, at least for now, IMO. This way you both can think more clearly.
Again, I am sorry, and I hope you are okay.

Feel free to FM me if you want to talk

I feel for you and your problem- and you can only do whats in your heart but he is not a child and if he doenst know by now what he wants- this is a very good indication of what he will be like if you were to get married- better now than later- once you get past the hurt and the dreams that you had for you and him you will be stronger and wiser- then you will be able to make a decision- IMO its hard to let go of someone that you are used to loving and dreaming with but the beauty of life is that we can make other dreams and be with others that will give to us what we give to them- so Good Luck and hopefully he will get a clue but if not then move on and the next wedding you have will be the TRUE one-

I totally agree with 2untamed. Let him go - completely - and see what happens. You've been with him for 5 years and life will be totally different without you...see what happens. Don't contact him again until he begs

My FH got cold feet for a little while when we started to look at halls because it all became real to him that he was going to be with one person for the rest of his life - he's 34.....it was horrible but for men - even today - getting married is not the same commitment as for women. They still feel like they must be the main breadwinner and have to provide for a family no matter how independent you are and it is a tremendous pressure for them.

Give him some time but most important you must SEEM like you're being understanding right now but when he starts to call you again just let that phone ring baby!!!!!

FM me anytime

I went thru somehting similiar once, and it hurt so much. We tried to work it out for a long time, but it was not meant to be.
I am so sorry for you. to you.
Try to keep a straight head right now, and take some time out to figure out what you want deep down inside. It will get better.